Toxic Cooking Show
Misogyny, $800 first dates, simps, and high-value women: Social media has been busy cooking up and feeding us an addictive but toxic slurry of trends over the past few years. Here at The Toxic Cooking Show we're two friends dedicated to breaking down these trends, terms, and taunts into their simplest ingredients to understand where they came from and how they affect our lives. Join us each week as we ponder and discuss charged topics like personal responsibility and "not all men" before placing them on our magical Scale O' ToxicityAny comments or topics you want to hear about write to us at toxic@awesomelifeskills.com
Toxic Cooking Show
YES! You Can Be Too Nice
Empathy seems like a universally positive trait - until it's weaponized against you. In this eye-opening exploration of emotional boundaries, hosts Lindsay McClain and Christopher Patchet, LCSW unpack the surprising dangers of being "too nice" in a world that's quick to exploit kindness.
Drawing from psychological research and personal experience, they distinguish between empathy (actually feeling others' emotions) and sympathy (feeling compassion without absorbing emotions), revealing how these traits evolved to strengthen human communities. The benefits are undeniable - studies show sympathetic physicians make more accurate diagnoses, while empathetic leaders build stronger teams. But where's the line between healthy connection and self-destruction?
The conversation takes a powerful turn when examining how excessive empathy leads to burnout, poor decision-making, and vulnerability to manipulation. Christopher candidly acknowledges his own struggles with setting boundaries, offering listeners a relatable perspective on breaking free from the people-pleasing trap. Their discussion illuminates how narcissists and scammers specifically target empathetic individuals, using emotional urgency ("I'll be homeless tomorrow!") to bypass rational thinking.
Perhaps most valuably, they provide practical strategies for maintaining compassion without sacrificing yourself. From identifying manipulation tactics to recognizing when someone's crossing your boundaries, their advice empowers listeners to protect their emotional well-being without becoming callous. They also issue a thoughtful call to check on friends who "always say yes" - these individuals may be drowning in empathy burnout without realizing it.
Whether you're recovering from being taken advantage of or trying to support someone who gives too much, this episode offers the perfect balance of scientific insight, personal vulnerability, and actionable wisdom. The next time someone tells you that you can never be "too nice," you'll know exactly why that's dangerously untrue.
Hi and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we break down toxic people into their simplest ingredients. I'm your host for this week, lindsay McLean, and with me is my fantastic co-host.
Speaker 2:Christopher Padgett, LCSW.
Speaker 1:I am going to start us off with a question that I already know the answer to. Ha ha ha, that's cheating. Well, I mean, it's one of those ones that's very well, I mean, it's one of those ones that's very obvious, but I'm going to force you into saying it out loud oh shit okay would you consider yourself a nice person? Yes the way you say. That makes me it makes me understand that you know where this is going.
Speaker 2:Well, so it's more the idea that I know.
Speaker 1:I am too nice to giving to everything Bingo. You have understood the key point here, which is also the title of this episode. Yes, you can be too nice.
Speaker 2:Oh boy.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah. So to start us off with some definitions first, to make things clear. A lot of times we'll hear people talk about like sympathy and empathy and it's not always really clear, clear what the difference is between those. But there are definitions for each one. So empathy is showing compassion and understanding, actually feeling the emotions of the other person. So you're miserable because you got chewed out by your boss, I'm miserable with you. We're both miserable that you got chewed out by your boss. I'm miserable with you, like we're both miserable that you got chewed out. But it can also be like you're ecstatic because you got a promotion. I'm ecstatic with you.
Speaker 1:It's not just for negative emotions, both of these. It can be positive, neutral, negative. Empathy is I feel it with you. I feel it with you. Sympathy is feeling compassion for someone. You're miserable that you got chewed out by your boss. I am sad that you feel bad. You're ecstatic that you got the promotion, I'm happy that you got this good thing. So again, in daily speech we kind of mix them up. But to remember the difference, it's a sympathy card, not an empathy card, although I'd'd like to put. I think we should have some toxic cooking show branded empathy cards. It's just fuck. That's all it says. I think that would be like a great, a great thing that we can offer a great product I fucking hate empathy and sympathy.
Speaker 1:It's like um affecting the affect or affecting yeah, affecting the effect do you know how many times I had to read over my notes to make sure I hadn't, like, accidentally written the wrong one somewhere, even remembering the sympathy card, not empathy card? There was sometimes like, as I was looking stuff up, I was like which one is this? And, to be fair, there is overlap between them, like it's not, like these are two totally different concepts. I think you could say that there's a certain amount where it's like that could be sympathy, that could be empathy somewhere in the middle and people will use them the same in daily life. Although with the sympathy card, you will also hear people talking about being an empath, they don't talk about being a sympath.
Speaker 1:I'm an empath. Like I can tell that you're angry because I see it in your face. Yeah, it's called using your eyes. Good job, you're not blind. But there are people who are more empathetic than others. It is a skill that you can learn. It is a skill that you can just not have. Like there's some people who don't have the ability to be empathetic.
Speaker 2:So it's your pass.
Speaker 1:Exactly. It's a pretty bad thing if you can't be empathetic or sympathetic to others, because it's extremely important. Both of these are really really important for us as a species in order to form community, and we are a community species, we don't just go at it alone None of this lone wolf shit here. But being sympathetic is tied to lower discrimination, more cooperation, sharing, supporting, protecting others, and this has been found in numerous studies that have been done over the years that people who have more sympathy, who are more sympathetic, are better at all of these things. So there's a lot of good to be had by being a sympathetic person. For instance, there was a 1994 study that found that physicians who are more sympathetic to a patient's psychological distress were more accurate when it came to their assessments and diagnoses which makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it makes total sense to me. It's like, well, yeah, if you actually believe the person when they're like it really hurts or like something is wrong with me, that you would be more likely to follow through and run the extra tests or do the extra, whatever work required to find out what the problem was. So that was quoted in another study that I'd read. I tried to find the numbers just out of curiosity to see how much more and I couldn't, but enough more than it was noted in the study. Another study found that being sympathetic actually seems to encourage creative solutions and creative thinking, which again makes sense. That you know, if I feel sorry that you're suffering, I probably want to help fix it, and so I'm going to try and come up with a way to fix it. I'm thinking outside the box because you're sad and I feel sad that you're sad, and so I want to make us not sad. And in the same vein, there's also a lot of good to be had by being an empathetic person.
Speaker 1:Empathy can help us share experiences. If we resonate with somebody's pain, we may be more motivated to respond, just like with sympathy. Empathy tends to, or having higher empathy tends to, correlate with better leadership, like in the workplace. It helps us make moral decisions. It can also this is kind of like a historical one, but it can help keep us safe in air quotes here, you know, if you're able to read people and you're able to kind of guess, like, what everyone's feelings are and what their intentions are, that's really important if you're interacting with unknown people. So you want to be able to have all of this to communicate effectively with people, to form friendships, relationships like romantic relationships, like to work well with others. These are really important things to have, yeah yeah, I would imagine.
Speaker 1:So yeah, on the flip side, like we said before, a lack of empathy is associated with borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, sociopathy. So you can see, like the highs where, like yeah, you can form relationships, and then the lows are like you've got some pretty extreme disorders going on here. You do not fit in with society, like you do not want to have a lack of empathy or a lack of sympathy. I felt like I should make that point before I jump into. But you can go too high.
Speaker 2:I felt like I should make that point before I jump into. But you can go too high.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, it's not always rainbows and unicorns and sunshine when it comes to empathy and sympathy. Certainly on the internet you can sometimes hear people talking about like, ooh, you can never be too nice, you can never have too much empathy, and while I understand where that's coming from, you can, it's very detrimental. For instance, if you are somebody who is very empathetic, you are more likely to experience burnout, and a lot of things can lead to this.
Speaker 1:Of course, not just being an empathetic person, but if you are really feeling the emotions of the people around you and you are sharing in those emotions again, this is the highs and the lows then this can build up over time. It can cause a lot of stress, like if, every time you go into the office, you're feeling the mood in the office and it's not just you sense it and you're like, oh, things aren't good today, but you feel it. That's going to stress you out and having to manage all of these emotions around you that are affecting your emotion not cool, not cool at all. Being too empathetic can also lead to poor decisions. Studies have found that you may narrow your focus too much. I see you pointing at yourself. We'll get to that You're coming up in just a second.
Speaker 2:Thanks, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:And in general, because you have this emotional connection with people, you're getting oxytocin. You're making these to you deep connections because you feel what it is that they're feeling. So you guys are on the same page. You are more likely to be really loyal to them and, kind of like, put them above others again at the expense of other people, especially other people who aren't within your circle. You're going to focus all the time, all the energy, all the help, on that one person Because they're there. You've made that connection, as opposed to realizing it's like they don't actually need that much help, but this person over here oh shit, they really need it.
Speaker 1:And linked that the urge to help may be too strong. I warned you this was going to be a mild call out episode Filled with love. No, this is how I see. See, this is true love, because it's being done the millennial way, not the fucking Gen Z way. Oh, that hurts, it hurts my soul. Not the fucking Gen Z way. Oh, that hurts, it hurts my soul.
Speaker 1:But somebody who has a lot of empathy may feel the need to help, even if they don't want to, or even if they know that it's not the right answer to the situation, because for them, they want to help, they see it, they feel it, they need to help you. It's not a necessary like oh, I feel like, it's like I need to help you to make this go away which does mean that they may be more likely to be taken advantage of. Empaths are people who identify as that may be more likely to end up in relationships with narcissists. Some studies do show that people with increased empathy are more likely to respond to fraudulent offers. Not all studies, though, so it's not like a hundred percent guaranteed, but I will say that some of them have shown this link that if you're very empathetic, you may be more likely to fall for this type of scam, especially if it's the scammers who are trying to this guy here, yeah, yeah, especially if it's scammers who are trying to use empathy, because there are some scams. They're just like wow, hello, help sir, I am Nigerian prince, help me get my money.
Speaker 1:And then there's scams that you've spoken about in the past where you have these chicks who come to you on dating websites. They're like yeah, it's cool, we're hanging out as friends, and then, magically, magically, you know, their dad has the same issues that your dad did and he's also a veteran like your dad, or their pet, is really sick and I really want to help. I just I don't have the money. I don't have the money to pay for vet bills, and that works on most people. I'll be honest. Money I don't have the money to pay for vet bills, and that works on most people. I'll be honest. If you don't love animals, I have some questions about you as a person, but especially for somebody who again, like, really feels that and has admitted that, like this is something that's important to me. They, this type of scam, plays on that emotion, and so studies have shown that people who have a lot of empathy are probably more likely to get sucked in by that.
Speaker 2:I feel like I'm being called out here.
Speaker 1:I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:Majorly.
Speaker 1:I'm so sorry. I did warn you. I was going to be doing this episode. I didn't want to spring it on you out of nowhere and you're like I feel called out, sorry. Want to spring it on you out of nowhere and you're like I feel called out, sorry, sorry. It's important that the people know, though, and finally, this can cross over into people-pleasing territory.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you know the type of person who says yes to everything, even when they don't want to, they don't have the emotional bandwidth, time or whatever that can be linked to having a lot of empathy. If you're that type of person, it's like I just want everyone to be happy, because, again, I must remind you, you are feeling these emotions too. You're not just looking at them like, oh, that's sad or yeah, I'm happy for you. Like if everyone around you is stressed out, you are stressed out majorly and you can't really control it, so the best thing you can do is just like say yes, make it, make it go away. I'm going to turn off the video. You know I can't focus on two things at once. So that's all about empathy.
Speaker 1:Empathy is the one that I think, in general, you can kind of get like too much of again because of that feeling, although sympathy is not completely in the clear, because sometimes when you're very sympathetic or you have a lot of sympathy for somebody, that can come across as pity, which, speaking of the word of the week, is pity P-I-T-Y.
Speaker 1:In case you don't know how to spell, like me, I don't know how to spell that one. I don't know how to spell definitely I will till the day I die I will spell that one wrong. But pity means to feel sorry or compassion for somebody who's suffering. It can also mean regret or disappointment and I think that's why in regular speech and stuff like that, pity is a negative emotion. No one wants to feel pitied. It tends to kind of belittle you. They usually say like oh, I pity them, it's like those poor dumb idiots, they don't know any better and that's why I feel bad for them, like I'm not just feeling bad, I'm feeling pity, and so it's a pretty negative emotion, I think, for most people. I don't know if you would agree.
Speaker 2:I would agree.
Speaker 1:Yeah, even though when you look up the definition it's not actually that negative technically. But again, if somebody was like, oh man, I really pity you, it'd be like oh, excuse you.
Speaker 2:Well, unless you're Mr T.
Speaker 1:That's true, unless you're Mr T, which I am not. I pity the fool ah, yes, but yeah, studies have shown that the further along doctors are in their medical training, the less empathy and sympathy they have this is something I totally, I, I can totally see, I I remember, um, when sid my, my last dog, passed away.
Speaker 2:I remember getting a phone call at six o'clock in the morning and the vet was like hey, just wanted to call you up, let you know that your dog died. If you need anything, please give me a call. I was like what a dick.
Speaker 1:What the fuck is wrong with you? Oh, that is not how you do it.
Speaker 2:I mean, I understand where he's coming from. If he's going to leave a heartfelt message every time that dog dies, probably would want to blow my brains out, but yeah, I mean. Yeah, see the whole thing about burnout, but yeah, I mean yeah, see the whole thing about burnout. But yeah, something a little bit more Tasteful than hey, just let you know your dog died. Give me a call whenever you get a chance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, by the way, the bill is yeah.
Speaker 2:That was actually part of the message. It was like if you want to come in, uh, and then this way we can discuss payment. It's like you dick right.
Speaker 1:Oh my god. Look, now is not the time, it's really not. I'm gonna have to come in anyway. Trust me, it's on my mind. I know I need to pay you, just just don't. But see that. That highlights the importance of having a little bit of empathy that you need to have for things for sure that doctors like the further along in their medical training and in their career, like the less empathy that they have. That has been absolutely shown. There's also a lot of moral panic at the moment. I don't know how much of this you've seen either in your line of work or just online that maybe as a society we're becoming less empathetic. People are like really really panicking about this. Some studies say yes, other studies say no. It's not actually really clear. There is no definitive answer, which to me means we're probably not becoming less empathetic If we have studies that say yes and studies that say no.
Speaker 1:I would imagine that is one of these things where it's as the population grows, there are going to be more people that are not empathetic just because the population's grown I mean the, the one study that I forgot to note it down here, because I actually heard about it on another podcast, which is why I decided to do this one, because they also talked about sympathy and empathy and I was, oh, I get it now. And then I stole their idea and made our podcast. Hey, they went a different way than where we're going, but there is a study that's been done I think it's like every year and they ask high school students a specific set of questions and it's been going on since like the 70s or 80s. So there's a pretty decent chunk of data that they've got. But yeah, it's been going on since then and, as a result, they have a pretty decent chunk of data and that's one of those ones that does not show any decline in empathy, and you would think that that's the type of thing that, again, you've been doing it for decades.
Speaker 1:You would probably kind of start to see if there had been something you would see it like go down and that came up too. Is that maybe part of our? You know, we just talked about this in our therapy speak and other related episodes that people are becoming maybe a little more blunt about. Like, no, I'm not going to do that, I'm not going to take this thing on, I'm not going to do whatever. And it's not that it's less empathy, but it's more of like a correction society that maybe before it was too much of like you have to say yes, you have to say yes all the time, and now we're seeing that pushback and it doesn't actually translate into I'm not an empathetic or sympathetic person.
Speaker 1:I just can actually set boundaries and I'm using that in the correct way here.
Speaker 2:Agreed.
Speaker 1:But I don't know, in your line of work, is this something that you've ever really run into?
Speaker 2:In what respect?
Speaker 1:In terms of people being like. Either I'm an empath or a lack of empathy, maybe in younger patients.
Speaker 2:So I've had somebody who said that they felt not normal because of the fact that they, they didn't have empathy in certain situations where they, they, they would expect them to have empathy. And you know, I, I had to teach this person the difference between empathy and sympathy. So they, they said that, yes, in these situations, like I'll sit there and I'll say like man, that sucks that, that you know that that shitty, or whatever. But to actually feel something. And I was like you know, you're, you're fine, you know like you're not expected to. You know, actually feel for, you know each and every individual person.
Speaker 1:You can have a bad life if you do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and so I've seen that a couple of times, but not too often.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's just a lot of moral panic on the internet because it also seems to kind of come in waves where you know, every time there's a new generation, the older generations are like ugh. First it was Gen X. You guys weren't going to amount to anything. Now it's millennials and us with our avocado toast and six-year six-dollar Starbucks lattes, and that's why we can't buy a house. Gen Z can't hold down a job because they're always on the clock app. I'm sure there's going to be something that Gen Alpha does wrong.
Speaker 2:I would have to say that this has gone way back further. So, it's not like just started with gen uh, gen x, but you know people looked at booby boomers and, like you know, the hippie generation and oh, you can find if you look back at like old you know, sensationalist newspaper article titles and stuff.
Speaker 1:You'll see it to the, the younger generation they're fucked, they're you know, they won't follow the rules. Like what have we become as a society? I think there's always going to be this kind of like oh no panic going on that like the youth they're youthing but again, the fact that there are some studies that are saying like this might be a problem could be something to look into and in the future at some point.
Speaker 2:I think one of the biggest problems is that the internet has given those people who lack empathy and sympathy a voice, and those voices are getting louder, as opposed to them being kind of ostracized from society. You can't even imagine the pain that somebody else is going through Like you get the fuck out. I think that the person who now doesn't have any empathy or or anything like that they're able to. They have a much stronger platform to kind of to, to call out on, and the other people who share these views are saying like yes, you know, like I agree with you full heartedly, jordan Peterson, but yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is definitely a thing that I'm seeing a rise in, that certain groups are preying on this and encouraging people to not pay attention to the suffering or feelings of others. It's not just negative feelings, but even like the joys and happiness of others and they're like tightening and tightening that circle of like what is your community? And it's important to be able to deal with others, because even if you say like nope, here's my tiny little community, I'm going to shut off trade with other countries and we're not going to interact with them, or we're not going to have other people who don't look like us and don't think like us. We live in a globalized world. There's only so much of that that you can prevent yourself from running across. And if you subscribe to this, group to this group.
Speaker 1:Trying to be so hard, then I think you run the risk of shooting yourself in the foot, because at some point you will come across somebody who is different and you will not have the skills to interact with them in any way. And that even is not even like oh, this person came to where I live, you go on vacation, you get married, you go on a honeymoon to Europe and all of a sudden, the people act real different and the people think real different, and you are overwhelmed and confused and you are not having a good time Because you cannot bond with them over anything like you can't even understand, like oh, they're frustrated because I did the wrong thing. Yeah, I understand.
Speaker 2:Haha, silly me, you're just like well, fuck you too I think that's kind of going with the voices, that that there. So like I think of Jordan Peterson, who literally says that we have too much empathy, and it's like I mean this is, you know, this is how we got to where we are.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You kind of figured that sympathy and empathy like back in the day when there was only like 10,000 humans in the world and a family was starving. You know it was the idea that other people were like you know, like shit, you know, like I know what it's like to starve and we will get together as a community and hunt down this elephant.
Speaker 1:I mean, they've literally found examples of that in like bones where you realize, like they found bones from you know ancient hunter gatherers that showed evidence that it had like a femur that had broken and then healed. It's like you weren't feeding yourself during that time.
Speaker 2:Somebody was taking care of you right you couldn't walk right and so, yeah, I mean being able to, to emphasize and be like, oh, like I, I, I can totally feel like why you know, and then, and I feel your pain and I want to help you and I want to that's and that's how we are, where we are on the food chain here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think it's really important to emphasize that. I'm not saying that all empathy is bad. Empathy is incredibly important to have. You have to have empathy, it's non-negotiable and you have to have sympathy and you have to have sympathy. But just as you can have too little, I think there's a far smaller percentage of people who have too much as compared to the people who are, especially within certain groups, leaning more towards the.
Speaker 2:we don't need to have this anymore. Ah, yes, yes, I will definitely say that I do have way too much. Especially, I've learned to step back in my working, which again thank God, because I would be burned out if I was having empathy for every single person I saw I can still have sympathy and still share and understand why they feel the way they do, which is extremely important. With doing what I do, but, yeah, but to actually take on that pain no. But yeah, but to actually take on that pain no.
Speaker 1:I definitely will have to say that one-on-one relationships that yes, I hold way too much empathy. It is. I mean, that's why we're here. Is that too much of anything is a bad thing? But I think it's one of those that is probably a hard line to sometimes figure out. For many people it's like where do I say like I've got empathy up until right about here, Draw that line like neatly in the sand. We be a hard thing to do, even though you're looking at it and you're like I know that this is not a great thing. So, speaking of where do we go from here with having too much empathy, too much empathy?
Speaker 2:I think that, just going from personal experience, is to really take a step back.
Speaker 2:I think that fortunately and then we've talked about this before where it is the people who the predators know exactly what to look for and they are going to prey on people with way too much empathy, whether it is for sex or for money or whatever and and it really being able to take the step back and and realize that kind of going with social norms of like you know, like okay, if somebody is putting such a harsh emphasis on what can I get from this, to be able to say, like okay, you know what, I, I, I, I understand the pain and everything like that, but at the same time, like now you're starting to cross boundaries, now you're starting to really kind of come into things. So I would say I would say a huge part is setting up boundaries, because somebody who is trying to prey on somebody with, uh, with empathy, they are going to step over those boundaries like very and very harshly going to step over those boundaries like very and very harshly so, like that's part of what boundaries are there, for Boundaries is a wall.
Speaker 2:Like you know you're you're not supposed to be able to go through it. Somebody who is preying on somebody with empathy they're they're going to step through it as quickly as possible. So I think, being aware of what boundaries people are going through and really kind of taking a step back and looking at your own needs first, because if your own needs are not being met, you're not going to be able to meet anybody else's needs.
Speaker 1:Yup, a hundred percent. You know, and if your needs are being met and you still have the capacity to help and this person means something to you, then absolutely go ahead. Like again, you don't want to fall into the oh, I'm too empathetic, let me just no more empathy. Like it's gone, you don't want to go that route either. Don't want to go that route either. But yeah, you do. You need to set those boundaries, to say, like you're not gonna, you're not gonna ask me for this. Like I don't do this, I don't do that. The phone, you know, maybe it's like I'm turning my phone off at 11pm. You can text me all you want about what you need. I ain't gonna see it Not answering that. Like we're not, we're not doing this, I'm not available 24-7. I'm not going to be swayed by these arguments and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:I have a friend who does a lot of aid work in Ukraine and oh my God, the number of people who message her with just horrific things, trying to prey on empathy, being like I need this, you don't understand. Like my mother has cancer. Okay, we're not talking about giving getting your mother's stuff. We were talking about getting the dogs that you adopted food. Why does mom having cancer get pulled in? It was like that level. It's like you have to have boundaries with with that type of thing. I would also like to add that empathy can, like I said before, empathy can be taught. So if you see people in your life or if you maybe think that you're like, wow, I'm missing this. If you look at, you know, listen to this episode, and you're like I don't have this problem, I think I have the other one. Empathy can be taught. You can learn to be empathetic for people. Empathy can be taught.
Speaker 2:You can learn to be empathetic for people, and I think that one other thing like I and I think that this might be an episode to kind of, you know, do in the future by like spotting spotting the scams, because like another thing and then this is something that happened to me so many times is that somebody who is preying on somebody else's empathy they will not give you the chance to think about it, because the moment you start thinking about it, then you're like wait a sec, didn't they say so? It's always going to be something about like my mom has cancer and she needs help. Now, if I don't get this, then I'm going to be homeless tomorrow. Being able to spot that because chances are like cancer is, is something, is not just like you know, like one day you don't have cancer, then the next day you're, you're at stage four.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like we, we, we knew that mom had cancer before, at stage four. Yeah, we knew that mom had cancer before. This did not just suddenly occur to us at 10.30 PM that we're like, oh, my mother has cancer. I should do something about that. No, the other thing that I would add for where do we go from here is for people who are like no, I have the right amount of empathy, not too much, not too little.
Speaker 1:Take a look at your friends. Check in on your friends. Like you know that one person who always says yes, that one person who's like, always there for you, like no matter what, like always, like always, always. Maybe check in on them. Maybe ask yourself when was the last time that you did something for them on them? Maybe ask yourself when was the last time that you did something for them? Maybe don't ask them the one person who always does the office party and always does the this and always does that. Maybe don't ask them this year. Maybe ask somebody else.
Speaker 1:That's something I think that we could all do a better job of is making sure that you're not always falling back on that person who you're like. But Bob does it. Bob always says yes, bob is always there for me, bob's always. You know, if I need to talk, I need to do this, like I. You know this is the person that I go to. Burnout is real and emotional burnout is real, and they may not be able to tell you this, and so you actively working to not put too much on them and to check in on them is probably a good thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes. With that being said, where would you place having too much empathy and, I guess, sympathy? Well, empathy is a bigger issue. On our scale of toxicity, would you say that this is a green potato? They give you a stomachache if you eat it, but if you just scrape it off it's fine. Is this a death cap mushroom, 50-50 chance of death or coma? Or is this a delicious but deadly last snack, especially?
Speaker 2:when mixed with lime jello and a freeze. I would say that this is a pretty solid death cap, because somebody not that I know of anybody like this, but somebody with too much empathy is always going to put the other person first, down to the fact that the problem that they're trying to solve ends up becoming their own problem. So, like the whole um, I need money for this, or I need money for I need money, or else I'm gonna be homeless and then getting down to the point where it's like, oh shit, I need money, or else I'm gonna be homeless.
Speaker 1:And how quickly the other person is just like oh God, yeah, you were there for them, but they weren't there for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly so I, I, you know, I think that it is definitely something that I could kill somebody. But you know, like too much empathy again, there there's various degrees. Like maybe you have a little bit too much, maybe maybe you're kind of like, you know, uh, maybe you should just like kind of back off of things, maybe all the way to. Yeah, dude, you, you gotta stop fucking giving other people benefit of the doubt because now you're going to fucking put yourself in shit again. Like not that I know anybody like that.
Speaker 1:No, I don, I know anybody like that no, I don't know anybody like that either, but I would agree with you that this is probably a death cap, that while I don't think that there are tons of people out in the world that have too much empathy, there are, there are definitely people out there in the world who have too much empathy. I know multiple people in my life who I'm like. You know you've gotten yourself into some sticky situations because you wanted to help. You genuinely wanted to help, and in your desire to help I see you, I was trying to ignore you, but in your desire to help other people, you forgot about yourself and you also didn't have the skills to kind of put up that boundary and be like, hey, I've helped you up till this point, that is all I can do If you need more help. You got to go someplace else and at the very least, like okay, maybe you've quote unquote lost a little something in there if that person was taking advantage of you. But you had that kind of upper limit of like I don't go beyond this.
Speaker 1:I've known people who just I know people currently who will just keep going because they really, really want to, and, as you said, it has a huge range from just a little bit to somebody who potentially could and thankfully I don't know anyone who like it's gotten to this level but like you could end up homeless. You could end up like in a really bad, just general financial situation. You could end up in like trouble with the law because you've now like gone out and you've done this and you've helped this person and done that. It's like, ooh, that person was like fucking around with something and now you're involved in it.
Speaker 1:You really do have to be careful, as the person who has a lot of empathy like acknowledging that and so, while it's not a sheer numbers problem, it has that potential to like get bad quickly, yep. So if you would like to share any stories about having too much empathy or too little empathy, you can write to us at toxic. At awesome life skillscom. You can find us maybe semi-actively, depending on the week and how I'm feeling on Facebook, instagram and blue sky. Uh, you can technically find us on X threads and tick tock, but I don't control those accounts, so I do control.
Speaker 1:X I just don't want to go on X right now. It's it's nobody needs to be on there, so until next week. This has been the toxic cooking show. Bye.
Speaker 2:Bye, bye.
