Toxic Cooking Show
Misogyny, $800 first dates, simps, and high-value women: Social media has been busy cooking up and feeding us an addictive but toxic slurry of trends over the past few years. Here at The Toxic Cooking Show we're two friends dedicated to breaking down these trends, terms, and taunts into their simplest ingredients to understand where they came from and how they affect our lives. Join us each week as we ponder and discuss charged topics like personal responsibility and "not all men" before placing them on our magical Scale O' ToxicityAny comments or topics you want to hear about write to us at toxic@awesomelifeskills.com
Toxic Cooking Show
Ghosting: The Haunting Reality of Dating Disappearing Acts
In a world where digital connections often come with emotional detachment, ghosting has become a prevalent topic. Lindsay McClain and Christopher Patchet, LCSW dive deep into the reasons behind ghosting, exploring personal anecdotes that range from humorous to heart-wrenching. With statistics revealing that a staggering percentage of young adults have experienced ghosting, the conversation expands beyond just dating into friendships and professional relationships.
Listeners will find insights into the psychological implications of being ghosted, alongside discussions about empathy and emotional communication. The hosts examine whether society's increasing reliance on technology is contributing to a decline in confrontation skills and curiosity about others' feelings.
This episode aims to challenge listeners to reflect on their relationship habits and consider the importance of open dialogue in fostering meaningful connections. Join us for this thought-provoking discussion filled with laughter, stories, and valuable takeaways. Don’t forget to subscribe and engage with your own ghosting experiences—we would love to hear from you!
Hi and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we break down toxic people into their simplest ingredients. I'm your host for this week, lindsay McLean, and with me is my fantastic co-host.
Speaker 2:Christopher Patchett, LCSW.
Speaker 1:Have you ever ghosted somebody before?
Speaker 2:Yes, once.
Speaker 1:Once you ghosted somebody. And have you ever been ghosted? Yes, once a million times Ghosted, yes, once.
Speaker 1:Million time. I was about to be like dang, I'm jealous. Well, just so you know, you're not alone in either of those. So ghosting is the idea of you're talking to somebody, you're seeing them, you're involved in some way or another Oftentimes it's in reference to dating, but it actually doesn't have to be. It can be in any type of situation and you suddenly decide to, without warning or explanation, cut contact with the person. You're here one day, you're gone. The next Ghosting. I also stumbled. While I was researching this, I stumbled across some other really bizarre internet terms related to it, and my favorite one was marling. That's when an ex gets in touch with you on Christmas out of nowhere. I thought that one was fantastic. I want us to use that one more.
Speaker 2:What would be the purpose of texting back on Christmas?
Speaker 1:Have you never had an ex message you out of nowhere on Christmas, just being like Merry Christmas? We haven't talked in like a year and the last time we talked was when you messaged me Merry Christmas a year ago.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I've had that Okay.
Speaker 1:Yep, yep, that's Marley, Apparently glad the internet has come up with a term for that. So the the idea of ghosting has been around for quite some time. Actually, it really appears to have taken off in the early 2010s, which, conveniently, is right around the time that dating apps started to become really popular.
Speaker 2:I can see that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which makes sense. I mean, it appears to have been around since before that, as dating apps were as well, but I think it was the two of them, kind of in connection, that this suddenly became a thing. Interestingly, though, as I was researching this, I was trying to find some statistics about, like, how common this is, and in 2024, pew Research found that 29% of adults had experienced ghosting, although for those ages 18 to 29, that figure jumped to 42%.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:That actually felt low to me.
Speaker 2:I was going to say that really sounds low.
Speaker 1:Yeah, usually we're like whoa, yeah, it makes sense, like that's crazy or that's way too high, and now I'm just like, I think it's more.
Speaker 2:So it was 41 for 18 to 29. What was it for?
Speaker 1:for adults 29 and I'm assuming it didn't specify but I'm assuming this is ghosting in dating, not ghosting for for other things yeah, that seems really really low I'm glad you also agree with me on this. But yeah, so, as I had said to you, it's not just for dating. You can ghost friends. You'll also see it used in reference to like In the workplace you can be ghosted by a prospective employer. Again, it's anytime somebody that's supposed to be talking with you Just like boop, they're gone.
Speaker 2:I was just thinking, again, it's anytime somebody that's supposed to be talking with you, just like boop, they're gone. There's just things like I've never been ghosted or ghosted a friend. When I think of ghosting a friend, I think of maybe a one-time deal where it's just like hey, do you want to go out? Yeah, sure, and just kind of skipping out.
Speaker 1:But I don't think of it as like ghosting a friendship. I have accidentally ghosted friends and by accidentally I mean it was I hate you all More so that it was like a friendship and I forgot to respond back. And then it hit the point where it's like, well, now it's really awkward to respond, I feel really bad and sometimes you can come back from that and sometimes you're just like, oh no, it's been like six months and I've never messaged this person back and I feel really bad about it and I just I don't have an excuse. I literally forgot, but now I've been thinking about it but I don't know how to address it. That has happened a few times, I think. In general, I've always just almost every time I've been able to come back and be like I'm really sorry, I don't hate you, I forgot and it's probably because I hate you and it's probably because I hate you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's actually. I forgot that. I hated you. Hoo, hoo, oopsies. So it's a very popular topic on the internet these days, I think again because it is happening to so many people, despite what Pew Research found. Certainly, everyone who I know has experienced this in one way or another. I mean, I've been ghosted. I have I ghosted one person for dating. I will admit. We'll talk about him later, but Ah Ha Ha, man did not get a response back.
Speaker 2:Ah, ha, ha man.
Speaker 1:He ended every message that he sent me with Ah Ha Ha. Like every single message. It was not a one-time thing. Everything got ah ha ha At the end. I don't even remember his real name, man.
Speaker 2:I don't. Even I, I don't remember a cycles you don't name either.
Speaker 1:See stop girl. Ah ha ha, man, psychos who don't name either. See sock girl. Ahaha, man, like they.
Speaker 1:Just they are ah yes, so yeah, people are are talking about it a lot because it is happening a lot, to varying degrees, and it may just be a a low level, like, oh, we started talking and one person stopped talking and it never moved beyond the talking stage. It may also be that these were people who had been seeing each other and sleeping with each other for several months and then one of them just disappears. That is also ghosting.
Speaker 2:So I have a rule you are allowed to ghost in the first two weeks.
Speaker 1:I think that's fair.
Speaker 2:Because, yeah, I mean, that gives you that opportunity to say like, yeah, I'm starting to get to know this person and there's like nothing that we have in common. Yeah, I just really don't feel like telling them anything. But after two weeks, like like, yeah, I, I think there's some kind of explanation that's needed I think so too.
Speaker 1:I think if you've met in person, especially if you've slept together, you owe the other person an explanation for why. Um, and this was why, with ah ha ha, man, I just I let it die because we had never met, we had just been talking to me. The conversation was horrific. I don't know if he picked up on that. I mean, I think it's nice, obviously, to say something to the other person, but sometimes there's nothing just really big that you want to point out, to be like hey, I'm not feeling it, not feeling big that you want to point out to be like hey, I'm not feeling it, I'm not feeling the ah-ha-ha's.
Speaker 1:Maybe don't do that anymore. You kind of let it go.
Speaker 2:I know I'm with you all the time.
Speaker 1:Don't you dare. But people are having this happen to them after months of seeing somebody. It's not just a oh, we started talking and two days later the person disappeared. We've been seeing each other, we've been sleeping with each other. I've made it through several levels of various interviews with a company. I've been friends with somebody for years and it's just poof gone, nothing, no response like radio silence.
Speaker 2:And so the internet has a lot of ideas about why this might be. Oh God, the internet with its wonderful wisdom.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, nothing to see here. Everything's very factual, very calm. Ah, ha ha, you know we Don't you dare. What if I saw a screenshot? They'd all be in French so you couldn't read it anyway. But I'll have to look back and see if I can find it.
Speaker 2:Oh ho ho, that makes it even worse, so you couldn't read it anyway, but I'll have to look back and see if I can find it.
Speaker 1:That makes it even worse. Anyway, we start off on the normal side of things of people arguing that they actually care and they're trying not to cause direct emotional pain, and so it's easier to just kind of be like boop and disappear. It may be because people are not really feeling it with the other person. They may be angry at them. That's a reason that was given sometimes is that somebody did something and the other person was like that's a no for me, dog, I'm out. It may be that there are no social consequences or accountability to doing that to people in this day and age. It's also a possibility. Or hear me out, hear me out. Everyone who ghosts is actually a covert, narcissistic, stonewalling, emotional, passive-aggressive abuser emotional passive-aggressive abuser.
Speaker 1:It's like Oprah with the cars and you get some narcissism and you get some narcissism.
Speaker 1:Oh God, yeah, I kept running into that and it goes really deep. I mean statistically, statistically, one of these people out there who is out here ghosting people is a covert, narcissistic, stonewalling, emotional, passive, aggressive abuser, but like not everyone. And then there's this like panic associated with it too. It's like, are we maybe as a society, becoming less empathetic? The american psychological association actually has an entire podcast episode that's titled, speaking of psychology the decline of empathy and the rise of narcissism I think I I actually will have to say, I think that's actually a sign of empathy, because no, I mean.
Speaker 2:So, hear me out, hear me out you know like part of it is that, because I know the one time that I I ghosted somebody, it was because I really didn't want to. Partly it was because I didn't want to hear any like callback and at the same time I didn't want to hear that feeling bad. So I knew what I was doing, or I knew what I, if I were to say something that I would make the other person feel bad. So at least there's that aspect of empathy that you know that what the other person is going to be going through, I mean the way that you kind of go about it of like I don't want to make this other person feel bad, so therefore I'll just continue on with my life. It's probably not the nicest thing, but I don't think that is a call of um anti-epathy and I would agree with that.
Speaker 1:I mean, on the one hand, if you have ever been ghosted, you know the distress that it causes. I mean like, why is this person not responding to me like come on? But I do mean again, that's why I ghosted.
Speaker 2:Ah, ha, ha man, I just I don't want to get into that with you.
Speaker 1:No, I can't. I'm just like remembering those messages, but now reading them with like in the French accent Makes it 10 times worse. Oh, no, him, yes. Was it stuff that necessarily would have made a big difference in him looking for somebody to date? Probably not. It was probably not stuff that he was going to be able to carry over onto anything else or to any other women and be like right, I'm going to remember not to do this or not to do that, because some of it was just personal preference type thing. I was like I don't want to get into that. And again, in that case we had never met in person, we had only chatted online. For for a little bit it's, it is sometimes just easier, even though you know you should. It's like it's going to turn into a whole thing. It's going to end badly. At least this way we can both just kind of like disappear into the night and never think about each other again.
Speaker 2:I wish oh God, I think I told you about the time that the one time that I ghosted yeah, I did, I don't Did you yeah. So we talked online for a little while we met up once she was pretty fucking annoying, ouch and so she asked him on my job and I showed her like my business card.
Speaker 1:Oh right, I remember this chick.
Speaker 2:Yep. And so she took it, she looked at it and then she put it in her pocket. I was like, oh, what are you doing? She's like uh, you know, uh laughed like, made a joke, laughed about it, and then that was that I ghosted her. And like a month later, you know I I get a phone call at my office and pick it up and she's like chris, like uh, yeah, she's like hey, this is I forget her name. And I was like oh, hey, hey, didn't we have a good time? Like I, I thought that we were having a really good time blah, blah, blah. I'm like yeah, I got a client, gotta go.
Speaker 1:Bye. I mean, yeah, that's one of those was like ooh, you should have gotten the message. I mean, the one time that I got ghosted and that I confronted the person about it, it had. You know, we had met up a couple times, it had been fine, but and then suddenly, out of nowhere, he just stopped responding and I waited about a week and then finally was like you know what, if you don't want to meet again, that is okay.
Speaker 1:But I think you owe me an explanation about why, like, I don't think it's cool that you just you go from like yeah, we're chatting, everything's fine, to nothing. And then he responded and he was like well, it was just, you know the I can't believe I'm putting this out on air, but it's more a shame to him than anything. He was like well, it was the. The sex just wasn't what I was expecting. And I was like was it because I made you use protection? He was like yeah, I was like well, now, I don't feel bad at all. You and your four-year-old daughter was that or five, I can't remember. You guys have fun, we'll not be talking to you ever again.
Speaker 2:You know what? I think that that's a good ghost. I think that that's a good, good ghost. You know if, if that was the the important thing to him, that, um, yeah, that that deserves Okay cool, you know whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was one of those. As soon as he wrote that back, I was like oh, I know exactly what this is in reference to. And now, like all of my conflicted feelings gone, Absolutely gone, oh God, I know. But I think the issue probably in general for most cases of ghosting sure they're the narcissist, Sure they're the ones like this, where you're like, oh, it's more so that people probably don't necessarily have the ability to effectively communicate what it is they want, Like I think that's something that we struggle with in society right now and, speaking of this week's episode, is brought to you by the word apathetic.
Speaker 1:That's right, kids, we have a whole new segment that I finally remembered to add in. So we had talked not too long ago again about this idea that, like, we need to be using the proper words to describe our feelings, and just being like I feel sad, I feel mad, is not necessarily the best use of our language. It doesn't properly show all of the various emotions you can have and it means that you're really limiting yourself to what you can say and how you can describe your feelings. And so I had suggested to you Patches that we start adding in a word of the week, each episode to help remind all of us. Either it's a brand new word for you congrats, you have a new vocabulary word Either it's just a word you're like oh yeah, I can use that to describe my feelings. And so this week's word is apathetic, which means uninterested, detached, indifferent, you are meh, you do not care.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'll agree with that.
Speaker 1:I thought it was also a good word to use for ghosting.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to think like is it really apathy, or I would argue that in many cases, there is some apathy. You, you just don't care enough. You're indifferent to the other person, to their, their feelings, to what's going on. Again, this is not the kind of like the situation I think that you and I have experienced where we're like, oh, this was bad, like I think we all kind of know. This is more in terms of like people who are maybe a little bit further along in the process. Again, you've, you've known this other person for a while now and you just cut it off. I think there is something to say. It's like you're, you're detached from the situation, like you don't have a lot of feelings. If you can just be like yeah, like, yeah, I've.
Speaker 2:I've been seeing you for two months and we've slept together a couple times and I'm just like yeah, bye yeah, I, I think longer term like yeah, that's probably more apathetic and I think, for the most of it, you know, kind of going back to what I was saying before about, like you know, I do think that you know there is a level of empathy, realizing knowing that what you're doing is going to cause the other person to feel. I think one of the things that we do get confused with is empathetic and sympathetic.
Speaker 1:Yes, there is a difference, which we're gonna be talking about really, really soon.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, I think there is oftentimes a level of empathy that might come with ghosting. I do think that in some cases, people are not feeling that empathy at all, like we've lost the touch of reality that says like hey, there's another person at the other end of this and again, you guys have been seeing each other for a while, you guys have been talking for a while and you've just like nah, there wasn't anything, anything that I could point out to you, and be like I don't like this. You said this thing right here and that made me super uncomfortable, and so I think this is not going to work and I'd like to end it Like you couldn't even think of one thing to point out to the person, to be like no, you're just going to disappear without saying anything. That, to me, says that you, to a certain extent, are apathetic about whatever it is the, the relationship, all that I, I'm, I don't know, I, I don't think that again, I don't think that is a sign of apathy.
Speaker 2:Um, I would think of apathy as being like. I would think that apathy would be something like we didn't talk that long. I didn't't have any feelings for this person.
Speaker 1:Therefore, they didn't have any feelings for me you for a couple of months and I am so detached from it that I can just walk away To me. That's not. That means you weren't invested in relationship, like if you can just walk away from it from one day to the next without saying to the person hey, three months of knowing you, um, I realized that you, you're a Nazi supporter, and that's not okay with me.
Speaker 2:So I'd like for us to stop talking now you know, and that's why I kind of say, like the two-week rule. I think that those first two weeks said like, yeah, you haven't developed anything, like you know. So it's not really expected that a person should have like any empathy or show at least show that empathy to the other person versus you know like yeah, if you been together for a couple months, uh, you slept together, and things like that.
Speaker 1:Like yeah, that that's probably apathetic once you kind of pass that, that two week mark there is also the aspect of in today's society, because we have to a certain extent, kind of gotten used to this and are expecting it.
Speaker 1:There aren't a lot of social consequences or accountability for when people do this, and so I was genuinely curious this is, for once, not me mocking how old you are.
Speaker 1:I come to you a wise one who lived before the age of the internet. Was this a thing when you were I mean, I know, by the time you were in like high school, the internet was a thing, but not to the extent that it is nowadays in our lives. You've got your phone, you're connected all the time, you can see that text message and you expect people to respond instantly. Like you know, back in the day which I vaguely remember, when people had limited text messages and when texting cost you money and so you would try, you're like I can only respond after 9 PM, type shit Cause, like I used up all my you know, I remember, remember that, and so that was a different time where I think you might kind of I don't want to say expect less of people, but there's maybe a little more wiggle room, and I'm genuinely curious if this idea of ghosting existed for you guys.
Speaker 2:I yeah, because we would call it getting stood up True.
Speaker 1:But that would be more of a we were supposed to meet and you didn't show up, type thing.
Speaker 2:And there was because I remember a girl that I dated when I was 21, 22. Yeah, 21. So this is like early 2001-ish, and so internet wasn't a thing. I met her. She gave her my number, she gave me a call and we were supposed to meet up and I remember, like sitting there at the restaurant waiting for her to meet up, and I remember, like sitting there at the restaurant waiting for her to come over and I was there for a good like 20 minutes.
Speaker 2:I was like I got fucking stood up, like this little fucking, and then, like shortly after she actually came up and we made a joke after that, like because she was always late, you know there was real time and Emily time. Ah, yes, she was always late. You know there was real time and emily time. Ah, yes, so, but yeah, you know, like I pretty much I remember playing in my head that like okay, well, you know, great, I'm never gonna see this bitch again. Uh, god, good times, good times. But yeah, I, I think that you know you, you got stood up and then it was just probably like you, you know, like chances are, you probably just never heard from them again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'm not surprised. I mean, obviously I know what being stood up is. I'm not surprised that, like, that has always kind of existed. I do think, though, that, for once, the Internet is correct in saying that the Internet has made this problem worse. In saying that the internet has made this problem worse, I do think that, with the advent of, you know, social media and dating apps and all of that that you're just, you're making that many more connections with people, and so people feel maybe less of a connection in general, like a deep connection, and so you're like I can find somebody else on insert dating app here if I wanted to. So like, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, you also got to figure, like you know, like where do we find people? Prior to that, it was usually somebody that you went to school with, or somebody that you want to work with, or somebody that a friend of a friend, so there really wasn't the opportunity to fully ghost them. I remember just by with this one girl. It was a girl at a pearson pagoda, so I mean, it was like one of these things where chances are I probably wouldn't see her again unless I went to the mall and started stalking her ass. But you know, you know I'm not exactly the being a not creep.
Speaker 2:Yeah, being the not creep that I am, I pretty much took it as great. Well, I'm never going to see this chick again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I think that just certainly I've experienced that. I think people have an excess of options nowadays and so it's this, it doesn't matter, I can do whatever I want and I can find somebody else, and I'm just I'm not feeling it. I don't feel like responding and instead of taking the time to be like you know we've been, we've been talking for a little bit, I'm going to tell you why. Or even just be like hey, not really feeling it, have a great life and disappearing. Same thing for being ghosted at work.
Speaker 1:I have seen more and more stories of people online applying to jobs, and this is not like cold applying to a job where you never hear back from them and you're like, yeah, this is. I mean, I've definitely experienced this. Companies have specifically said we're looking for somebody. You apply. They write back. I mean, this happened to me last year. There was a company that said we're looking for somebody. I applied. They said, yes, cool, and in my line of work, you always take a translation test to prove that you can actually do the thing. I did the translation test. I sent it in. They were like got it? Never heard from them again.
Speaker 2:I think work-wise, like that's always been a thing. That's where the line.
Speaker 1:Don't call us we'll call you came from, which you know was basically, you know, I didn't get the job, yeah, I've just. I've also seen people who have gone through like multiple levels of interviews. So it's like it's not just this kind of one type thing, it's like, yeah, there shouldn't be that many of us that you have to contact to be like, yes, we're interested or no, like we should be down to a scant handful and then they're just like, whoever it is HR, the company just never gets back to them and they're left waiting, being like do I keep looking? What do I do? And I think that's that whole. There are no social consequences, because what are you going to do in that situation? Nothing. It looks worse on you to get on social media and be like don't apply to company XYZ, they're going to ghost you. You look like you're a sore loser.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I am, oh God, company xyz, they're gonna ghost you. You look like you're a sore loser. Yeah, I, I, oh god.
Speaker 1:Well, fucking job hunting on online is is a total bitch.
Speaker 2:You know it. It used to be where you, you, they were actually looking for somebody and that's when they post it, because people would actually have to show up and bring in their resume. So it was do we have to do or do? Are we needing somebody to the point where we're ready to have like 10, 100 people like show up with the resume, or are we not at that point yet? Versus online, it's like we're gonna post this and just leave it up there for the next like five years, yeah we'll see what we get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, see what we get. If we ever do have this opening, then you know we already have the resumes.
Speaker 1:Exactly. But see, that is apathy, they don't care, and it's the same way that a lot of people are treating dating. And it's the same way that a lot of people are treating dating. That's kind of like, yeah, I've got my profile on Tinder, on Bumble, on Hinge, on whatever the other ones are, I don't even know. There's so many of them at this point and they're just kind of all there. And if I see something really cool, great, like what's this option here? Yeah, you're talking to me like maybe Nah, don't really care, and boom, ghosted, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll kind of sort of Do you buy?
Speaker 1:my apathetic argument.
Speaker 2:Sort of Kind, of sort of Sort.
Speaker 1:Of Okay, I'll accept it Sort of Kind of, sort of Sort of Okay.
Speaker 2:I'll accept it. So where do you see us going from here with ghosting? I well so kind of going, or depending on which one that you're going with, because one of the things that you kind of said about, like you know, like with friends, I think that with friends it is kind of natural, because of the fact that it's such a long period of time that you're with the person, that it's not so much of a ghosting as in ghosting on purpose. But you know our needs and wants change throughout our lives.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I wouldn't call that ghosting, where you just kind of drift apart. I think in in this case, when they say ghosting friends, which means, like you know, you and I are chatting and then one day I just stop responding to you for no reason that you know of see now I.
Speaker 2:I think that that's massively shitty like oh yeah yeah, I mean, like after 14 years, I think that if you were to ghost me, I I would. I would hope that there would be some kind of explanation. Uh, um, and, and if you dare try to do it out, you know, I will fly my ass to Paris, paris.
Speaker 1:You can find Ah Ha Ha man and team up with him. Come after me, but okay.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I think, as far as the world of dating, I think that, yeah, it's kind of one of those things where, uh, just kind of like how I was saying, like even back in the day, where, uh, the situation that I was in, where chances are I probably wouldn't be seeing that person again, um, it's very easy to just be like, well, you know, like I'm never going to see him again, so fuck him.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I mean, even more so with internet, because of the fact that, like you know, you end up talking to you know five different people and you're kind of picking and choosing from there, you know, and and kind of doing the process of elimination. And yeah, I, I think that, as far as dating goes, like that's probably gonna continue to be just as bad, if not worse. Um, job wise, just kind of how I was saying, uh, I think that it is going to be just as bad, if not worse, because of your you know, you see the same ad up for, like you know, like years on end and finally, after like five years, you're like, well, we got somebody you know and and I, I've actually gotten that where I put in a resume and then, like you know years later like I, I get like respond like you know, like uh, hey, you know, we checked out your resume and you know you're. You seem like. It's like dude, I'm working. I didn't have three years to wait around for you to call me up.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank God, I've never had that happen. I think the worst I had happen was I applied to. They specifically said we've got this opening, we're looking for for somebody. I applied six or seven months later. They got I'd I'd forgotten about it and they got back to me and they're like hey, really sorry that we're just now getting back to you. Um, we've actually filled the position and I will admit I did write an email back to them position and I will admit I did write an email back to them.
Speaker 1:I was like good, because I'm not looking for this work anymore. You took half a year to get back to me, to remember to get back to me. Like at this point you might as well have just left it.
Speaker 2:See, best of luck in the future see at least that, like you know, is we forgot to get back to you, as opposed to we held on to your resume for two years uh, yeah, that's worse and now we're hoping to uh, you know, do a interview with you.
Speaker 2:It's like yeah no, yeah, no, but yeah I. I think that jobs are going to be just as bad, if not worse. Only thing I can kind of see remaining the same is friendship, because if somebody is at that point where they, just like you, know, this friendship isn't working out and whatever they would have done it regardless. So I think once you kind of get past that internet stage, that that's where it's going to kind of start to decrease in the numbers.
Speaker 1:I think so too. I agree with you that friendship is kind of that weird one out there where, because you have those links to that person, especially if you've been friends for a while, it is a lot harder for somebody to truly just be like Bye and disappear. Because you know where they live, like you have all their contact information, you probably have friends in common and for them to just completely disappear. I mean, the times that I have accidentally ghosted friends these were not very close friends and it was the type of friendship was like oh you know, we met, we were living in one place together for a while, and people are now living in entirely separate countries at this point, and so you've only got that link online on WhatsApp, on Instagram, messenger, and so when it gets broken, it's not this like fuck. That was my best friend of 10 years who's now gone, and I used to see him or her at least three times a week, and now they've just they've disappeared. It's really hard to do that, but yeah, for jobs and for dating, I think it's. It's gonna get worse for a little bit.
Speaker 1:I think people are waking up to the fact though waking up is a strong word, I think as more and more people have it happen to them, I think they're becoming more aware of the pain and distress it can cause to somebody. Where it's a oh, I was just trying to be nice and I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I stopped talking to you. Well, when that happens to you three times, then you're like, oh, that's actually not fun and actually my feelings weren't hurt. My feelings were hurt even more because I don't have a reason for why everyone stops talking to me. Like we start talking, we start dating, it's cool, and then the person disappears. I think that it's going to have to get worse before it gets better. When people truly experience it themselves and see what it's like to be like, maybe this is not a nice thing to do.
Speaker 2:I you know, when I I don't know, because like I think to sock girl like I actually probably would have had more respect if she would have ghosted me as opposed to trying to lie her way out of it.
Speaker 1:Sot Girl was special because the lying was weird.
Speaker 2:Or I mean yeah, and I think that you know there's been other ones where I think I could have dealt with the ghosting better than you know, like I just didn't feel it, or like you know some bullshit like that.
Speaker 1:No for sure. And again, when it's just at the talking stage, when you haven't met the person, when it's within a couple days, yes, it's nice, I think it is nice and we should all try and make the effort to say to the other person hey, I'm just not feeling it, and you know, leave then, because if they want to explode at you, they end up looking bad.
Speaker 1:In that case, if you have said hey, I'm just I'm not feeling it, and they write you back this like long ass message being like I can't believe you would say that they look like the crazy one, and so I think at the very least then you're protected and you can point to that and be like I did the right thing. But I don't think you have to. It's nice, it's preferred, but yeah, when you're just in that kind of talking stage and you're like I don't want to continue this. So where would you place ghosting on our scale? Oh, toxicity. You think that it is a green potato. It'll make you sick if you eat it, but just scrape off those parts and you're good to go. Is it a death cap mushroom with a 50, 50 chance of coma or death? Or is it a delicious but deadly last snack, especially when mixed with lime jello Antifreeze?
Speaker 2:Again, I would have to say high green potato, because I think for the you know and I'm curious what the statistics are of the percentage of people who've gotten coasted at what period because I I think that, again, like if within the first two weeks I I think is 100 acceptable, I would actually, if it was within the first two weeks, I would say that that's just a regular, regular potato. You know, like, like, yeah, but yeah, I mean, when you kind of start throwing in like you know like months, or you know sometimes even years, if it's a small percentage, I would say high green.
Speaker 1:I would agree with in a relationship. I would love to know what the timeframe was in there, because, again, within the first couple of weeks it's not really that big of a deal If you have slept with this person, if you guys have been talking for a while, even if, I think, even if you've been talking for about like two weeks or something and it's been a very steady, like we're having a good conversation, we're there like people are responding to messages, and then suddenly you're just you're gone. I think even that's kind of like a. At that point you owe the other person an explanation If things have been very active.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I kind of think after a week of if it is a constant back and forth, after a week, if it's constant back and forth for over a week, then you're starting to get that whole thing of like, oh, this could go somewhere, you know, like you know type thing and yeah, you know, like uh, to go from text or texting back and forth like now you're. Now you're starting to like kind of like, have your day revolving around that you're the good morning, beautiful, good night, you know sweet dreams text and things like that. Uh, that you're the good morning, beautiful, good night, you know sweet dreams text and things like that. Uh, that you're actually really really shitty at I need.
Speaker 1:Okay, you know what, you know what I'm gonna get on telegram, because on telegram you can like schedule a message. And this is my issue is, I don't remember at the right time, but I'm gonna start sending you messages on telegram because whenever I think about it I can just schedule it to send, like 8 am your time and so, for the people who are listening to this, just in case you're wondering, uh, about six months ago we did a show about, like you know, I forget exactly what the show was on, but I was saying I don't remember which episode it was yeah, I forget what episode it was, but I was saying about how guys never get the good morning beautiful text and things like that.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, midget, short, fuck face over here. I was like oh well, you know, if you're so upset about the uh, good morning beautiful, I'll start doing it every morning, just so you can see.
Speaker 1:How often have I done it? Two, five times, six times?
Speaker 2:I think probably maybe five max, and that was six months ago.
Speaker 1:To be fair, the day that episode came out and I listened to it, I remembered to send you one A couple days after that.
Speaker 2:No, you sent it that one time and then it was like then I'll say something like this and then like, maybe, maybe a week from now you'll send me another one, Just because we're actually talking about this today.
Speaker 1:Fucking Lizzie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sounds about, sounds about right. Yeah, that's right. I put all of you fucking lindsey's together but which spelling?
Speaker 1:I mean all there are a lot of different spellings.
Speaker 1:All of them okay yeah, just just in general we're all cool, but yeah, I think that in general for this it there's a very, very small percentage of people who are ghosting super late into a relationship, a friendship. All of that I think that part is probably not that common. I would love to. If I find information that changes, that I would love to and I would be happy to change my opinion. But based on what I have seen, you don't have people that often getting into committed relationships and being like boop gone.
Speaker 1:I think it's far more often to happen right at the beginning, when it's not nearly as severe.
Speaker 1:Yeah beginning when it's not nearly as severe If you have ever been ghosted, if you have ever ghosted someone, especially if you waited a really long time. We would love to hear from you because we want to know why you can write to us at toxic, at awesome life skillscom. You can also find us on unknown social media definitely Facebook, definitely Instagram, maybe blue sky. Definitely Facebook, definitely Instagram, maybe Blue Sky. We'll think about it Technically X, but that place is ugh these days.
Speaker 1:So, we're trying not to go on there, but yeah, we would love to hear from you. Don't forget to rate the show, of course, that helps us reach more people. Send it to friends, that also helps us, and until next week. This has been the Toxic Cooking Show. Bye.
Speaker 2:Bye.
