Toxic Cooking Show
Misogyny, $800 first dates, simps, and high-value women: Social media has been busy cooking up and feeding us an addictive but toxic slurry of trends over the past few years. Here at The Toxic Cooking Show we're two friends dedicated to breaking down these trends, terms, and taunts into their simplest ingredients to understand where they came from and how they affect our lives. Join us each week as we ponder and discuss charged topics like personal responsibility and "not all men" before placing them on our magical Scale O' ToxicityAny comments or topics you want to hear about write to us at toxic@awesomelifeskills.com
Toxic Cooking Show
Life Coaches
Is life coaching a scam, or does it really hold the key to personal transformation? Join us on the Toxic Cooking Show as we unravel this intricate tapestry of guidance, dissecting the realms of life coaching and therapy with precision and humor. We promise an enlightening exploration into when you might benefit from the pep talks of an energetic life coach and when the profound expertise of a licensed therapist is essential. Along the way, we’ll arm you with the knowledge to make informed choices about the support you need, ensuring you never confuse quick fixes with deep healing.
In a world fraught with anxiety and societal pressures, recognizing the signs of a panic attack can be life-changing. We tackle critical conversations around drink safety and the blurred ethical lines between life coaches and therapists. With Christopher Patchet, LCSW, and Lindsay McClane at the helm, we critique the often exorbitant costs of life coaching and their implications, urging listeners to look beyond the surface for real, qualified help. As we wrap up, we invite you to share your own stories, making this podcast a dynamic dialogue about the toxic ingredients of life and how we can stir them into something meaningful.
Hi and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we break down toxic people to their simplest ingredients. I'm your host, christopher Padgett, lcsw.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lindsay McLean.
Speaker 1:We are going to talk about life coaching this week.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, I hate life coaches.
Speaker 1:Life coaches is the answer to therapy. You know it's a little bit cheaper, know it's. You know you're you, you don't have to pay for that whole degree and everything like that. You can talk to somebody, talk to them about, to tell them about your problems. They'll be able to help you out, you know, and things like that. I will say I will start off the program like this there are good reasons to see a life coach. If you wanted to talk to somebody and say, like, hey, you know, I have a, I really want to be able to do this and I I'm trying to decide between this and this, talk to a life coach. Yeah, if you're one of these things where, hey, you know, like I got offered a job opportunity but I'm kind of scared about what are some of the advantages, okay, talk to a business coach, you know.
Speaker 2:Although I would also say that you could probably, in at least those instances, if you have a good group of friends, you would probably be able to go to them and talk to them about these same things, able to go to them and talk to them about these same things, I would say okay.
Speaker 1:So I would say life coach is somebody that you can talk to, that is something that you you might go to a friend about, but you kind of want to just get that that third person's perspective. So, like, um, you know, if I, if I was kind of making a decision between, like I have this really good job, but I got this off this other job, and I come to you and I ask you you're going to base your decision off of what you know of me.
Speaker 1:You might make that decision, being like, well, you know, I know you kind of get like, you know, like a really antsy when starting a new career, so maybe it might be better to just kind of like stay where you're at, so taking you out, it takes out that whole like personal connection. And so, yeah, you know, you might want to talk to a life coach about things like that, something that you might want to talk to a life coach about things like that, something that you might talk to a friend about, but you just kind of want to take that person out. I would say that talking to a life coach, maybe going to see them once because you just want to ask a simple question, that would be all good and dandy. But to see a life coach for an extended period of time because you're having anxiety or you're having depression and you're trying to figure out ways to be able to cope with things like that.
Speaker 2:That's called go see a therapist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Therapist is a protected profession. So that means that it is illegal for somebody to say that they're a therapist unless they've actually gone through the education of it. Therapist is a protected profession. Doctor can't say that I'm a medical doctor unless you actually have a license. Somebody who is doing life coaching they're not able to say they do therapy, they are a therapist, which is why they call themselves life coach, which is why we had to come up with this name. So for me to become a therapist, I went through seven years of college.
Speaker 3:Seven years of college and so usually for like for me or for a social worker.
Speaker 1:You're going to go through about six or seven years. Once I got my MSW my master's in social work I had to take a test to get a LSW, which is a licensed social worker. Once I got my LSW, I was able to start working under somebody else and start doing therapy that way. So at all times, like I couldn't do independent, I had to work underneath somebody else who was licensed and I had to do supervision twice a week and I did that for altogether. It took me about three years to get 2000 hours of supervision Pennsylvania. You can get those 2000 hours in in two years, Since I had just started with, you know, maybe like one or two clients here and there.
Speaker 1:Obviously I'm not doing a 40 hour work week week and it took me three years to get my LCSW. So how to get supervision? How to work on somebody else? There were a couple of insurances that wouldn't pay for my services because of the fact that it wasn't my license, it was under somebody else's license. So over time I was able to finally get those $3,000. Had to take another test to get my LCSW and, oh my god, that test is super hard. 40% will fail the first time around. I was one of the lucky ones to get on my first try look at you, go dad yeah, what, what, and so I mean it's.
Speaker 1:It's not an easy test, it's not a test that you know unless you actually study your ass off. For it's not one of these ones where you can just be like I know my shit and just go in and just pass it.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, I kind of want it to be that way. Like no offense, I mean it sucks that 40% of people don't pass. But, like you know, when you go to a therapist or a doctor or somebody like that, like part of the reason why you're paying all that money is because you're paying for the experience, you're paying for the knowledge, hopefully, that they have. I don't want you able to just like take an easy little test and be like, ha ha, I can give you fantastic advice. Like you're not depressed, you just need some sunshine.
Speaker 1:Nope, and that's kind of the thing is that, even with having a license is that, with therapy and being able to talk to other people, there's always going to be new things that come up. And so, even now that I do have my license, every two years I have to renew it. Part of that renewing is I have to take a class in ethics. I also have to take suicide prevention, and then also I have to take a class in mandated reporting. So I'm a mandated reporter. If I see child abuse or anything like that, I have to report in, and then also on top of that, I have to take 28 credits, for it could be anything. So, like this past time that I renewed my license, I was able to use the EMDR training that I did. I was able to use some of the CPT cognitive processing therapy credits that I took and everything like that.
Speaker 1:You are encouraged, and not only encouraged, but you're required to continue your education. So it's not one of these things where, yeah, I got my master's degree, I passed this test and there we go, I'm good. So that is what it takes to become a therapist, and not only become a therapist, but being able to continue your license in therapy Life coach, but being able to continue your, your license and therapy life coach, well, um. So, to be a certified life coach, uh-huh, you need three to five hundred hours of training training in what?
Speaker 1:life coaching so they would have to be under. It would be kind of like how, the same thing with when I worked under somebody else. Then I got that supervision and I mean for me it was 2 000 hours. Somebody who wants to be a certified life coach? They only need three to five hundred hours of that. So no prior education, just life coaching. And somebody is saying like, hey, you know, I think that you should do this, I think you should do that.
Speaker 2:And is there like a, a certificate or something that you you get from this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean that's literally all it is. It's just so like I looked it up online and I mean that's literally all it is. It's just a oh really. So, like I looked it up online and I mean, you know, I saw advertisements for become a certified life coach in six to eight weeks.
Speaker 2:Very trustworthy.
Speaker 1:That's six to eight weeks compared to six to seven years.
Speaker 3:Yeah, same thing, same, thing, same. Thing.
Speaker 2:I don't see the difference.
Speaker 1:You, you have the, you have this whole thing of six, eight weeks, and that has to be a certified life coach. To call yourself a life coach, guess what the requirements are.
Speaker 2:Is it? There are none.
Speaker 1:I would say breathing probably. That would probably be the.
Speaker 2:That is a good point. It does help to be alive.
Speaker 1:So you know it's, and then there's nothing wrong with, like, somebody who doesn't finish high school or something like that and goes on to, you know, like another career and things like that, sure. But the fact that somebody who doesn't have any education can just say that they're a life coach, that they went, that they went to the school of hard knocks or whatever, oh god, yeah, I was kind of curious about this and and so I looked up life coaches around here and I was able to find one person and I was looking at their bio and they said that they were a, that they were relationship life coach, and their whole thing with relationship life coach is the fact that they grew up in a single mother household with five female siblings.
Speaker 1:Wow I definitely feel like they're going to give me some great advice, so that was their qualification of being a relationship coach.
Speaker 2:Okay, single parent household and had five sisters yeah, I'm great.
Speaker 1:Because there is no difference between a sibling and a sexual partner.
Speaker 2:Correct. I mean you do live in West Virginia. Yeehaw, that would be Alabama.
Speaker 1:That's, I'm sorry to say, but that's not exactly that qualification. No, Talking to a partner is a hell of a lot different than talking to a sibling. One of the biggest things that whenever I have, like you know somebody coming in for a couple of therapy, and one of the things that they, they always say is, like communication. One of the things I always kind of tell them is that you have two people from two different backgrounds, two different environments of growing up and two different you know, sometimes two different parts of the country or even the world, and you throw them into a house together and you say good luck, you know which. So so being able to recognize like, that whole idea that is not just the idea of like how to talk to women is learning, how to be able to talk to somebody, talk to on both sides.
Speaker 1:It's learning how to be able to talk to somebody talk to on both sides, men and women, being able to talk to each other and being able to understand each other, being able to let each other know that they are being heard, being able to come up with ideas of, like how to be able to have a better understanding of what they're saying. Because, like, one of the things I always kind of say is that I love the, the sentence.
Speaker 1:I did not say she took my money. I didn't say she took my money. I didn't say she took my money, I didn't say she took my money. So, just depending on the emphasis you you know, you can either say that I didn't say she took my money, meaning I didn't but somebody else did all the way to. I didn't say she took my money, meaning that she didn't do it, but somebody else did. And and I love that. I love that sentence because it's seven words, same exact order.
Speaker 1:All you have to do is just emphasize one word differently and you have seven, meaning yeah, exactly and, and that's the thing, is that, like, I think I might have mentioned it here, but I, I love the fact that the word decent like yes, you know, I, I, I grew up in philly, and I grew up in philly in the 90s and when we said the word decent, it was like that, that I mean that was as high as you could go. You know you had all right, good, great. Oh man, that's fucking decent yo otherwise.
Speaker 2:I'm hearing that as a not Philly native I'm like that is so fucking rude.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly, like. So so I mean if, if I would, if I, you know, thankfully I got out of the habit of saying that but if I was dating somebody say, let's Indiana, and she's like, you know, like what? Do you think of this dress? Do you think I look good in this?
Speaker 1:I'd be like, oh man, you, you know, you look fucking decent in that that's how you go from like dating to single yeah and and that's kind of the thing is that you know that that communication style and and the thing is, is that being able to say, like from what I'm hearing from you, is you think that this looks just okay, rather than being able to say, like you know, like being able to call the person out and say, like you know, like this is what I'm hearing. So I mean, one of the things I really go into is active listening and I mean that's something that's again like if you've grown up in the same household, around the same time and same friends. Yeah, there are gonna be some slight differences here and there, but you're gonna be able to kind of pick up off of each other because you've known each other since birth you grew up in the same culture.
Speaker 2:You grew up in the in this case, literally same family, like there are certain things that my sister and I just know about each other, like about our communication style, that somebody else, coming in would be like I don't get why you do this and why the other one does that. It's just like yeah, but for us it's normal. It's not saying it's normal for everyone, though.
Speaker 1:Except for the whole David Bowie thing. That is completely not normal for anybody, though, except for the old david bowie thing, that is completely not normal for anybody.
Speaker 1:Look, yes, I'm calling you both out hey uh, but yeah, yeah, you know you're gonna pick on certain things, like when you're growing up together and things like that. So, on top of that, a life coach is not able to diagnose or really help with mental illness as a whole because they don't have that training. You know, like flat out, like I'm sorry to say, but they have no training in any type of like mental disorders and and so one of the things, uh, there are two people that I really kind of wanted to bring up. So, the first person I kind of want to bring up, uh, she goes by the, the, the name caffeinated kitty, and I actually started following her because you know she does have good advice every now and then.
Speaker 2:Every now and then.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, Broken Clock is right twice a day, True, true. But I started following her and there was one thing that I heard that was completely. It fucking blew my mind. So I'm actually going to play something that absolutely fucking blew my mind.
Speaker 2:In a good way or bad way.
Speaker 3:You girls are so paranoid. The man said to me at a bar several years back when I just happened to put my hand over my cup because I was doing a Levi Ackerman impression and I got used to doing it ironically and then I couldn't stop so it started to become unironic. But all of that is to say, I put my hand over the top of my drink and he made that kind of comment after trying to chat me up, incredibly unsuccessfully, and I decided I was going to absolutely ruin his perspective for an evening out of retaliation. Good day, my name is Kitty and I'm a life coach. I'm kind of known for traumatizing the men who bothered me, and I crossed 700 000 followers a bit ago, which means I owe you all the story time, and this was one of the things that tied on my pastron.
Speaker 3:So here we go. Well, you know, it actually is just like an anime reference. Not anything defensive, I assure you, but hold on. Speaking of references, that guy over there, the blonde yeah, the one behind you doesn, doesn't he like look like somebody that like was on Vine? I swear I saw him on Vine. Oh, I know, right, rip. Anyway, no, don't stare at him, don't stare, it's fine, it's fine. Don't stare at him, it'll be weird Anyway hey cheers, honey.
Speaker 3:I bet you can't chug that bad boy back fast. And I can chug this back. All right, you're on, let's go. Good job, hey, oh no, there's no need for another round. I'm sure it'll only be about 15 minutes before that kicks in for you. Oh, not the alcohol, no, no, no, I don't think you're that much of a lightweight. Well, you didn't notice when you turned around me fiddling with your drink. You didn't see, and then you checked it back. So it wouldn't matter if you did see, because you drank it so clearly.
Speaker 1:Even if you did see, you weren't worried about what it could do to you I know it's kind of hard to kind of pick that up, like you know, listening to it, but she basically what she did is she was just kind of like acting out this, this moment, where she was talking to a guy and she was saying that the the guy was saying about how, like, women are paranoid about having their their hands over the cup and everything like that, and she was trying to make a point and she directed this guy to look the other way and then you know she acted out how she picked up her cup or the guy's cup and, just like you know, laid it back down, saying hey, I bet you I can chug this faster than you.
Speaker 1:And then saying that oh, by the way, by the way, you know you're gonna feel that soon, uh, not the alcohol, but you know something I put into your drink. And then covering up with oh, I was just joking, but you know that pit in the stomach that you feel right now, wondering if I joked or not.
Speaker 4:Yeah well, that is probably not like I okay, you know what?
Speaker 1:yeah, a guy who is going all saying that you know, like you're being paranoid and everything like that. We, we live in an age where men do shitty things like that. They'll put something in a woman's drink and, yes, it is being taught to either put your hand or put, like you, you know, like something over your drink, which is beautiful idea, beautiful idea.
Speaker 2:Also, maybe if you have this guy who's being weird about it, why are you still talking to him? That's where you get up and move.
Speaker 1:Cause clearly, this person is not trustworthy, exactly, and and so the thing is. So is that like a guy who is, who doesn't get it? You can talk to him once? I mean like, hey, look, this is a legit thing that we aren't just being paranoid, that guys will actually put things in a woman's drink and let him have that opportunity? Oh well, you know shit, I didn't realize that. Or if he wants to really make like a huge you know stink about it, okay, you're obviously not the guy that I want to talk to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, You've weeded yourself out.
Speaker 1:But to kind of throw that trauma back onto the other guy and saying, hey, maybe I put something in your drink. That guy is not going to make that connection of you know, like that men do this. He's now just going to make that connection that, oh shit, this girl may or may not be fucking crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the lesson was not the correct.
Speaker 1:Lesson will not be learned in that situation Ever, yeah you know, yeah, yeah, I mean, he's not going to think any differently, he's not going to be like, huh, yeah, I do feel scared. Therefore, I think she is right, like no, that's not going to happen, but yeah, and then also, on top of that, the fact that she does use the phrase that, uh, I am the villain life coach.
Speaker 2:I am known for traumatizing men who bother me I don't, I don't like it, I don't like it. I mean, sometimes people need to be traumatized. I do think that sometimes we have to teach people lessons. If you fuck around, you find out, but like there's a. There's a pretty hard, obvious line that should be really visible of like again, if you fuck around, you will find out, but you don't. Just you know, you're having this conversation with somebody and they mention this and they ask why you do something and you're like you know what you're gonna find. To find out now, so unnecessary.
Speaker 1:It's unnecessary, you're wasting your time, you're wasting the guy's time You're putting, you're not teaching this guy what it's like to be a woman, because if he doesn't get it in the first place again, this is not going to be the thing to show this guy like. What is like being a woman. No, you know, and and the thing is on top of that, like if I were to tell a client that that would be completely fucking unethical for me to say like oh, my god.
Speaker 1:And and that's know. On top of that, like you know, the difference between a therapist and a life coach is that I am held responsible for the things I do. If something happens to one of my clients, I might actually have, you know, like a board coming up to me and ask me what the hell did I do? What were the things I did to make sure that this didn't happen? So I'm actually being held liable by the state and you know somebody who's life coach? They can tell them anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause there's no board over them to say this is an okay thing. To say this is not like there.
Speaker 1:there's, there's nothing like that right, right, so, so, so, yeah, that that's, that's one. So this is another uh guy that is a life coach this is one that I was kind of talking about earlier where he is able to cure your trauma within five minutes we talked about this publicly before, but I'm going to teach you specifically how to never have a panic attack again, and it's so simple.
Speaker 4:You're going to wonder why you've never done this sooner. For the next 14 days. Here's exactly what you're going to do, just as you're beginning to feel the panic attack. Number one I want you to track exactly what you're doing with your body. Where are you tempting up your muscles? Are you breathing full or shallow? Are you contracted or are you expanded? Number two I want you to track exactly what you're thinking about in your mind. Are you anticipating the worst case scenario? Are you replaying a traumatic moment in your head? And number three I want you to track how many times in one single day you have a panic attack. When you're clear on these three things, you can use your nervous system differently to prevent ever having a panic attack again. So you don't need to just cope, because you'll see exactly how you're creating them with your mind and body. Save this video and follow me for more value.
Speaker 2:He doesn't actually tell you how to not have a panic attack.
Speaker 1:You know, and the thing is okay, you know. For this, yes, it is important to be able to recognize, like, what are the things that are causing that panic attack? Yeah, but being able to cope because the thing is, when somebody is having a panic attack, there is you know they're going through a whole process, it's, it's you know the whole idea like that they are feeling, like that they're having a heart attack and I mean, you know, they might not even be able to focus on what is causing it, because all their focus is on their, their heart, their palms sweating. They feel the temperature rising, maybe even collapsing. They're focused on that, so they're not even focusing on what is the thought that is going there.
Speaker 2:Well, even if you recognize what is the thought, like I can recognize oftentimes if I'm having you know, like you leave the house and suddenly you're like is my oven on? You know you can recognize that's completely illogical. You're like I haven't touched the oven yet today. Like I know I turned the stove off and yet you know the back of your head you're like, oh no, I can recognize that. But, like you, just recognizing it doesn't stop it from going away. Like you need actual coping mechanisms, you need actual steps to go through, to be like okay, I've recognized I'm having this panic attack, I've recognized this. I'm at a point in the panic attack where I can actually still think and function to recognize it, to recognize it. And then here are the things I can do to bring myself down from there. Which he doesn't cover. He's just like and then you'll just magically cope. Why didn't I think of that?
Speaker 1:genius I'll just hope my way through I mean, that is, that is the first you know, and that's the thing is like you have to learn how to cope first prior to like really kind of working on what the hell is going on, because if somebody is panicking, like in social situations and things like that, then you know that that panic is it's. It's real, it's very real to them. So, being able to figure out how to cope with things first and then start working on what are the things that are kind of causing the awareness and that alertness, you know, to kind of climb in the first place.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, but now I have the skills and so I feel it coming on and I can start to recognize oh hey, in this situation, but I have the tools to bring myself down.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:All right, let's hear the second one.
Speaker 4:What I want you to do is I want you, on purpose, to bring yourself up to about a six of anxiety every day, twice a day, for five minutes. You're going to sit down. You're going to get yourself to a level six out of 10 anxiety and you're going to stay there for five straight minutes and put a timer on your phone and when the timer goes off, literally just stand up and continue with your day. Imagine if you were looking over the edge of a cliff and I came up behind you and I lightly pushed on your back. What are you automatically going to do? I'll push back. There you go, yes, so what we're going to do is have you make yourself as anxious as possible twice a day, for five minutes each. Make yourself as anxious as possible twice a day, for five minutes each, and you're going to notice it is extremely hard to make yourself anxious or panicky after like one or two days.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:First off. First off, what is a six out of 10 of panic we haven't talked about like you need to give me some guidelines first so I can position what is for me a six out of 10. Panic for me is not going to be the same thing as for you. So just saying like a six out of 10, that doesn't tell us a lot anyway. So just saying like a six out of 10, that doesn't tell us a lot anyway. Also, I'm pretty sure that making yourself anxious multiple times a day will just make you really anxious. I don't think your body's just me. Like you know what, man, I'm tired of this bullshit. I don't want to get anxious anymore. I know at 3 pm.
Speaker 1:We're going anxious time so I'm just gonna stop you know, and so okay, first off, the body.
Speaker 1:Could I mean, uh, I've seen people going through anxiety attacks for 45 minutes. Yes, there is a certain point where the body is going to be like, okay, this is way too much energy and it's going to cause the person to finally come off of that panic attack. Yeah, five minutes, you know, for some people that's just the start of a panic attack and, just like you said, like a six out of 10 is going to be different for me compared to somebody else, and that's if somebody is purposely putting them into like a panic attack. Part of part of the whole thing of a panic attack is that you don't have that control.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know if, if the whole idea of a panic attack was that you're you to have control of things like, that's not a panic attack. People don't sit there, and who do have anxiety and who do have panic attacks they're not like. Well, you know what? I haven't panicked in a little while. You know what? Today is a good day to kind of panic, let me just bring it on.
Speaker 2:Good day to kind of panic, bring it on.
Speaker 1:So now you're telling somebody to have a controlled panic attack.
Speaker 2:But only a little one, only five minutes.
Speaker 1:Only for five minutes. Yeah, that's just like.
Speaker 2:That just sounds like a recipe to be anxious the rest of the day, bring yourself up to this level, and then to be like, oh my god, this is terrible, this is terrible. Okay, now I'm not going to think about it. Your brain isn't going to be like done, cool, got it. Got, got the message. I struggle with this, but you know, at this time I'm gonna just stop, it's fine. No, you're gonna keep coming back to it.
Speaker 1:Whatever it was that you used to get yourself up to, that is gonna stay, and then you're just gonna be thinking about that for the rest of the day until it's time for panic attack number two you know, one of the things I I talk to people about, like you know, especially when you're talking about, uh, alcoholism and people who, uh, use alcohol and and do have anxiety a lot of times, I'll ask them, I'll say, like you know, how anxious are you waking up first thing in the morning?
Speaker 1:And I'll actually make like a scale for them and they'll say, like usually like two or three. I'm like, okay, so you're starting off at a two or three, you know, first thing in the morning and kind of think of it. As you know, you're on the top of a hill and you have a boulder up there and all it. You know, basically with an anxiety attack you're, you're basically kind of going back and forth with the boulder and you're rocking it back and forth until it starts, like you know, going down the hill. As it's coming down, the hill is going to get uh stronger and faster and things like that. So if you're already putting yourself out of three first thing in the morning, like during the day, you know that boulder doesn't have to have that, that much energy to to keep on going. And and that's kind of one of the things I'll talk to people about who say you know that they have anxiety and they're drinking every single night.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, it's not a good idea to put yourself in a position where you're going to have anxiety yeah, why would you just run up and be like onto the boulder when you know that that's going to cause it to be like down the hill?
Speaker 1:that is a terrible, terrible idea, yeah and again there is nothing that they are being held liable for. Uh, because again, you know, like as a therapist, uh, I have the state that that uh will liable. I can, if I say something like really fucked up or something like that, or if I do something fucked up, my license can be taken away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and rightly so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and rightly so. Yeah, you know, like, and the thing is is that there is nothing there preventing them from having their. You know, even if they are certified, you know, even if there is a governing board of certification, well, they can still call themselves a life coach. You know, you can. Again, the only requirement to being a life coach is breathing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Even if you lose the certified, because I don't think most people are aware that there's like a certified life coach and a non-certified life coach. I had never heard of that distinction before and I've seen plenty of people calling themselves life coaches on the internet. I'm sure that most people don't ever go through with the certification, because are you able to get that much more money by being certified? Probably not. I mean maybe. Maybe it's worth it, but based on the fact that I've certainly never seen anyone talk about it, I'm doubtful.
Speaker 1:I did look up uh of a uh life coach around here and I was kind of curious what, what the asking price was and you were able to make a phone call for $3. 33 cents per minute.
Speaker 2:Oh my.
Speaker 1:God. So for a 45-minute session that is $149.85.
Speaker 2:Just go to therapy. Therapy is cheaper. Yeah, I never thought. I would say that I never thought I would say that.
Speaker 1:So so you're you're getting quote, unquote advice from somebody who is charging the same as a therapist, who has no qualifications, who has no authority that is holding him responsible.
Speaker 2:Damn, maybe I need to get into life coaching. I'm just that that is a lot of money. Yeah, to pay per minute to talk to anybody, but especially to somebody who does not have certified qualifications. I mean again, you know, when you talk to a lawyer, lawyers are expensive. Lawyers go through tons of years of schooling to know their stuff. That's why it costs a lot of money for them to do their job. Same thing for a therapist. You're paying for their experience. You're paying for, like, as you said, all of the exams you've had to go through, all the schooling you've had to go through all of the like continued education that you have to go through. That's why you're you pay money for that.
Speaker 1:You pay money for experience yeah, you know, and that's the thing is like. Therapy is expensive for a reason. The emdr class is that I took. Thankfully I got them while I was working at the veterans affairs, so it didn't cost me any money. But if I would have done it on my own it would have been a total of six thousand dollars. Wow, uh, because it's it's two weekends. First weekend would have been three thousand, another, uh, three thousand for a second weekend, and then you have to go through um supervision with the mdr, and that's not cheap either.
Speaker 1:I think it's like 10 sessions, for usually people will charge like about 150. So that's another $1,500 on top of that Again, thankfully, thankfully I I had that completely paid for You're welcome.
Speaker 2:My tax dollars.
Speaker 1:Your tax dollars.
Speaker 2:When, when, when did you do it? What year?
Speaker 1:23.
Speaker 2:Oh no.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Wait, yeah, yeah, no, I didn't pay tax. I was already in Europe then.
Speaker 1:But but I do think your mom and dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and my sister.
Speaker 1:And your sister. But but yeah, you know, and that's the thing is that it does cost a lot of money, you know, to keep these, you know, continue educations and things like that, whereas you know somebody who is a life coach. That's $140, that's going straight into their pocket.
Speaker 2:They're just so scammy.
Speaker 1:With all that being said, what do you think that we should do about?
Speaker 2:this more picky when they're choosing who to, who to idolize, who to follow, who to get advice from, and that applies to kind of all levels, I mean even amongst friends, you know. So you can have a really good friend and you can look at them and be like I'm, I'm not going to listen to anything you say about this one. You just you're not qualified on this. Like, nope, you're a good friend, I'll listen to you for other stuff, but this, this thing right here, no, no, we're not going to do that. And I'd love to see people kind of apply that, the friendships, and apply it to stuff like this. I mean, it's not to say that you can't get good advice from somebody who doesn't have schooling or something like that, but they can say, hey, you want some business advice. I have started and then sold these six startups and they're all within the same field and they all kind of do this thing. And I was able to. I had this idea, I created it, I got the business, I got it to this level and then I sold it. So I can help you do the same. Okay, I can see that you have experience in this specific field, on these things.
Speaker 2:Maybe you would be a good life coach for that, sure, but just kind of this general oh, I need help in life. I'm not sure where to go. I just need some advice on things. How can you tell that somebody has experience in that? That's more of a friendship level. Your friends know you. Your friends know what's normal for you, what you're good at, what you're not good at. Don't overcomplicate it. Don't be looking for things like oh, this person charges so much money, they must be trustworthy. False, that's a scam.
Speaker 2:And if you do realize that you have these bigger things that your friends can't help you with, maybe try and find somebody who has actual experience, ie a therapist. Again, if you're feeling anxious or you're having some really big issues in your work life even if it's not anxiety, but just like I'm not sure where I want to go, do I want to change careers, do I want to do this that might actually be something to talk about with a therapist, somebody who can help you potentially find the underlying issue and be like aha, maybe you're struggling in your work life because you've got these things here that we need to work on and once we can like work through those, you know you didn't realize it was depression, because you're a man and depression doesn't exist. And but now we've established that, yes, you are depressed and we've given you the coping skills to work through that, and so now you can happily continue with your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and actually you said perfectly, because I was actually going to throw in there, like another thing is, is that if somebody is anxious about one thing, you know, and and here's kind of the importance of having a coping mechanism and being able to work on anxiety itself, is that I I've a lot of people think that their therapy is just, you know, going in and somebody is saying like this is what you need to do.
Speaker 2:Well, which is actually what you're not supposed to do.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly. And, and you know, one of the things that I love like a lot I've gotten this a couple of times is like why don't you just tell me what to do? Like you know, like, give me the you know, like, no, no it's not the point of this.
Speaker 1:You know, the the whole thing is is that that, especially with anxiety, is that I can tell you what to do and I can calm your nerve on this one thing. But if there is something that is driving that anxiety, then it becomes a game of whack-a-mole. As soon as you calm down from this thing, something else is going to pop up. You calm yourself down from that thing, something else know, and and then it just becomes a thing or a game of like. You're trying to calm down one thing at a time. Well, there's something that is kind of lying underneath of it and you're going to continue having that whack-a-mole game until you figure out what the hell is causing that yep, yeah, it's better.
Speaker 2:The whole point of the therapist is to help you find the underlying issues and to give you the tools to deal with it so that you can now apply that to other things in your life instead of just this one situation. And I feel like life coaches get stuck on because they don't have the training, they don't have those skills, and so it just gets stuck on. The. I'm going to help you fix quote unquote help skills, and so it just gets stuck on. The I'm going to help you fix quote unquote help. You fix this one issue and so, yeah, maybe that's fixed, but we've ignored everything else and there can potentially be like a whole host of new issues that come up or nothing changes. Because, yeah, you fix this, like a little bit the tip of the iceberg, but all of the other underlying problems also because you're having to pay.
Speaker 2:What was it? Three euro, three dollars per minute to talk to somebody. I mean, that's the type of thing that I'm now like looking at the phone, being like you better hurry up and talk faster, bitch. Like, give me that advice, give me that advice that does that does not foster like a good environment of like I can have this chat with you and I can get this advice and feel good we can talk through things. If I'm staring down like the, the minutes on my phone being like it's another three dollars, and I you know, like one of the things is I really, really don't like doing phones.
Speaker 1:I did it with one person.
Speaker 2:No, because you can't see their face, you can't see everything that's going on.
Speaker 1:Because half of therapy is also like trying to gauge where the other person's at.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Looking at the expression on their face. Like, you know, like are they. Are they understanding what's going on? Are they rejecting what's going on? Are they having resistance? You know, like, whatever you can't see all that on the phone. It's hard enough to do it online, but impossible as all hell to do it on the phone.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It's why I don't like talking to anybody that I don't know on the phone, because you can't see what's going on. Like friends, that's fine, because friends I know well enough. I'm like I can read your tone of voice, just like I can usually read text messages, sometimes even amongst friends. Like text messages, things go awry. But then you can call and like you and I can call, and that would be fine because I know how you be.
Speaker 1:On our scale of toxicity. Where would you put this? Would you put this as a green potato, where you just shave off the green and you can eat it? Would you call this a death cap mushroom where it is a 50-50 shot of killing? You Would you say that this is antifreeze where it's a delightful last meal.
Speaker 2:I'm going to put life coaches at a. I'm biased, I really don't like them, but I guess I would say that they're probably a death cap mushroom, because I think that there are some instances where people who call themselves life coaches can help somebody, can provide the needed assistance Something we didn't get a chance to really talk about in this episode. But I feel like a lot of life coaches are very scammy and there's a lot of. You know, buy my ebook, buy my this, do that with me. Like, in addition to this, oh, you can like, you know we'll have this relationship and you can call and we'll, we'll talk through things.
Speaker 2:Oftentimes it feels like there's there's that, there's hey, for every minute that we call, it costs you $3. And then I may, on top of that, suggest to you like hey, for every minute that we call, it costs you $3. And then I may, on top of that, suggest to you like oh, if you really want to improve your communication skills, by the way, I've got this course that you can buy, of course, but I have seen enough of that to get that kind of scammy feel from a lot of life coaches that you don't have the qualifications. You're just out here giving advice. Making money that seems to be the main goal of a life coach is to make money, and I don't think that that's the type of person that I want to get advice from yeah, I, I would, I would agree.
Speaker 1:I think it's a high death cap, because that guy that I was saying about I I didn't look too much further into it, but I'm sure they cure your trauma in five minutes is probably one of these things where it's just like buy this and you'll be able to cure your trauma and oh god, that, that, that right there, that is fucking scary, um it is because you're preying on people who are very vulnerable, who may be watching this video and you've presented yourself.
Speaker 2:Your therapist, I think, can sometimes seen, sometimes be seen, as like maybe a little bit separate, maybe a little bit aloof. They've got all this training, they're very educated, they're not like the regular people, whereas life coaches present themselves like I'm just like you, but better, yay. And so you're like, oh, this is somebody that I can relate to, this is somebody I can feel good around. They understand my life, they talk like me, they act like me. And they understand my life. They talk like me, they act like me. And I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety, I'm not sure what to do. And then they hit you with this, like buy my ebook. And you're like, okay, I'll buy your ebook, like I don't want to be anxious anymore. And now you're out money and you're still anxious, oh God.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, yeah, I think that, outside of like, if you think that you need to see a life coach for more than one or two sessions, I think that's kind of like a good indicator to say like, hey, maybe I should see a therapist over there, a life coach.
Speaker 2:Yeah, unless that life coach is a very specific, very narrow definition of what they're called. They're saying, oh, I'm a life coach for this, this and this situation, because I personally have been in these situations Again, you know, like creating a business, moving to a different country and dealing with all of that. Like that's something where you might say, like this is someone that I would want to talk to a different country and dealing with all of that. Like that's something where you might say, like this is someone that I would want to talk to a couple more times. Again, very specific situations, but yeah, in general, like if you, if you're needing to talk to somebody, get better friends and or get a therapist, just promise off, yeah.
Speaker 1:So, with all that being said, check us out on Facebook Instagram Threads TikTok.
Speaker 2:I mean okay, so hold on, hold on, hold on. Technically, technically, we have X. We're getting off of X soon because we don't support that shit Threads is under your name and you dropped off of social media.
Speaker 1:Oh, shit, okay, oh shit.
Speaker 2:So we do have. We have Facebook, we have Instagram. Oh yeah, TikTok is under your name to get you dropped off of.
Speaker 1:Well, so TikTok I still have. Oh shit Cause. Yeah, you can't download it again.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:I thought, it was Well so on the App Store, you still can't download it.
Speaker 2:Ah, okay, All right. So we have Facebook, we have Instagram and we will maybe at some point soon be getting Blue Sky.
Speaker 1:Yes, we'll think about that one.
Speaker 2:We'll put that through a vote with the EP.
Speaker 1:We'll put that there. A vote with the EP. But if you do have any stories of life coaches, please feel free to email us at toxic, at awesome my skillscom. This has been the toxic cooking show. My name has been Christopher Patchett, lcsw.
Speaker 2:And I've been Lindsay McLean.
Speaker 1:Bye.
Speaker 2:Bye, bye.
