Toxic Cooking Show
Misogyny, $800 first dates, simps, and high-value women: Social media has been busy cooking up and feeding us an addictive but toxic slurry of trends over the past few years. Here at The Toxic Cooking Show we're two friends dedicated to breaking down these trends, terms, and taunts into their simplest ingredients to understand where they came from and how they affect our lives. Join us each week as we ponder and discuss charged topics like personal responsibility and "not all men" before placing them on our magical Scale O' ToxicityAny comments or topics you want to hear about write to us at toxic@awesomelifeskills.com
Toxic Cooking Show
Are We Dating the Same Guy A toxic report
What if your latest online match is someone else's worst nightmare? The Toxic Cooking Show takes a deep dive into the uncharted waters of digital romance, starting with the controversial Facebook group "Are We Dating the Same Guy?" We tackle the delicate balance of sharing personal experiences against the backdrop of privacy concerns and explore the ethical tightrope these groups walk. From the rules and moderation of these spaces to the gendered reactions they provoke, this episode invites listeners to question the fairness and safety of public rating systems like the infamous "Peeple" app.
Join us as we unravel the complex tapestry of online ratings and reviews, and their ripple effects on modern dating. We travel back in time to examine the evolution of platforms like "Hot or Not" and scrutinize the role of internet trolls in shaping public perception. Our conversation seeks to uncover the trustworthiness of online ratings and the underlying dynamics that can both make and break a reputation.
We also confront the darker side of these online platforms, where misinformation and public shaming have led to dire consequences, including tragic outcomes. With a critical lens, we discuss the legal challenges faced when images are manipulated and the profound implications for First Amendment rights and slander laws. This episode doesn't shy away from tough discussions on privacy breaches and the stigma attached to mental health issues, encouraging a thoughtful dialogue about protecting both individuals and the broader community. Tune in for a deep exploration of how to navigate the treacherous terrain of online dating with both caution and respect.
Hi and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we break down toxic people to their simplest ingredients. I'm your host, christopher Patchett LCSW. And I'm Lindsay McLean its ingredients I'm your host, christopher patchett lcsw, and I'm lindsey mclean, so this week we're going to talk about a wonderful, wonderful facebook page called are we dating the same guy? Oh boy have you heard of this?
Speaker 2:I have. I believe it was on a recent episode that I revealed that I have some insight into how these creeps work For science, of course.
Speaker 1:For science.
Speaker 2:Yes, always for science. But yes, I have seen a little bit about them.
Speaker 1:For science.
Speaker 2:It's always for science, you know.
Speaker 1:I wasn't going to call you out. I was actually going to just say, like you know, like pretend, like, oh, like you maybe heard it, but, yes, you did mention that you knew about the groups, but now you actually mentioned that you took part of the group, or actually, no, didn't take part of the group, you actually were a member of the group.
Speaker 2:I have been a member. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, just to kind of give everybody else a little bit of background about it. It is a group where women will get together and they will share things of know, things of hey, I did it, this guy, he ghosted me or he was a little bit controlling. He was, you know, going down these different things, like what this other person is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you'll also see people on there asking. They'll say this james 32 hinge, does anybody have any information about him? And so theoretically I could be like, oh, I met james and it was a terrible date, or no. I I talked to him and we just we never met, never had anything, but didn't get any weird vibes so, before you even say anything, I will start this off.
Speaker 1:Yes, there is a group. Are we dating the same girl? But I will talk about that here in a little bit because I know you way too well. Yeah, because the guys went and saw and they completely misunderstood the whole idea behind this group.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying this group is great, but there was an idea behind it. The dudes kind of missed that. Don't you sound? Affect me, you're a menace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, okay, yes we will go into that as well, because you are not the first one to say that, nor are you going to be the last one. Hopefully, after this show, you will be the last one to say something along those lines Lassai, lassai.
Speaker 2:Life's hard life's hard.
Speaker 1:there was only a few rules that no personal information was to be allowed to be discussed, no mocking the appearance or dating profiles and finally, the third rule, which is the first rule of Fight Club Are we dating the same guy as we do not speak of? Are we dating the same guy?
Speaker 2:I'm actually surprised that there are so few rules, although I guess if you put more in place then people wouldn't actually follow them. And it has to. I don't know, you want to have it enough that people will actually post stuff, and I guess if you really wanted to protect people then it would be like well, now I can't actually say anything or post anything because I would break a rule.
Speaker 1:Well, so the thing is with the rules is that they're only monitored by volunteers within the group.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, Because each group I mean these are typically on Facebook and each group, so I mean within a city, you could have it like very wildly, and I would imagine that you know you have some of them that are completely normal, very heavy quotes there. Some of them they really abide by these rules, but I can also imagine how some of them they really abide by these rules, but I can also imagine how some of them don't, which I'm going to uh guess is what you're going to talk about, because this is the toxic cooking show.
Speaker 1:It's not what we're going to talk about well, so one of the things I I do want to bring up and and we'll kind of go into the dangers of of this in a little bit here but did you ever hear of an app called people's p-e-e-p-l-e? No, that doesn't sound familiar so people was a app that was launched in september of 2015 and when they first started like kind of gathering up about what it was going to be, it was described as the yelp for people.
Speaker 2:Who would create that?
Speaker 1:Well, so this was created by Julie Cordray, and what it was going to be was exactly what she said it was going to be a Yelp for people.
Speaker 2:So you could just go around and like could, I could give you one star yeah, you, you could, literally you would give somebody like one star.
Speaker 1:You could say, like whatever you now, being somebody who has mentioned on yelp once before, I used to do bouncing at a bar and at this bar it was beautiful because somebody had posted up that they gave the bar one star and under it was a narrative of I'm 30-something and this big, tall, tattooed, bald guy wouldn't let me in because I didn't have my id go cry about somewhere else yeah why do people do that?
Speaker 2:I'm always shocked at, like the weird angry reviews that people will leave and they're like I didn't get my food on time. They're like sir, somebody died. Like why are you mad?
Speaker 1:and then this is exactly, you know, like the. The problem with it is that that you know, like on people, like again, you could be completely unaware of people altogether, but if I wanted to, I could just go in and say Lindsay McLean one star because she's short.
Speaker 2:Hey, I'm going to tell Santa.
Speaker 1:And 50 other tall people jump in and say how short she is. And you know, now she's getting one star. One star is just my height and one star is just my height. I mean, obviously this is, this can be a problem, you know, because then yeah month or two months or six months. Down the front line you hear about these. This app is really starting to take off. And you get on there and you're like I, I got like 51 star reviews, like what the fuck how are they going to?
Speaker 2:and you, you may not know this, um, I don't know, this is like still even exist or not. But how is it going to work with people like were there photos? How would you make sure that this was like the christopher patchett? That because, for instance, like my name, the way I spell it is very distinct both my first and last name and so people will misspell it all the time, which means that you could, theoretically, they're like multiple lindsey mcleans and like somebody could accidentally rate the wrong one when they thought they were rating me or whatever. Like how did they?
Speaker 1:I'm guessing that I'm guessing originally like that I could just get a, a picture of you, of you, off facebook and post it up there, because do remember that facebook does have, uh have, that whole thing, that if it is on part or public, you know it is there for public viewing and this is why we should always not always, but periodically just check your privacy settings on Instagram, on Facebook, just everywhere.
Speaker 1:So you know, I could take a picture of you on Facebook, slap it onto this People app Now, just like you know. You saw. You saw that, okay, there seems to be some problems with this. Uh, a lot of other people felt the same way yeah, no shit so they they did do like a testing of it in march of 2016. They backed down. They said, okay, this is going to be like an opt-in thing, so, like you would have to opt in to get rated hey, you know what they're.
Speaker 1:They're, I remember god. I remember there was a site hotter. Am I hot or not?
Speaker 2:that's true, this does sound vaguely familiar and I I feel like there are subreddits and stuff where you like roast me and people will like just lay into you for the fun of it. Yeah, okay, okay, I. I somewhat retract my who the fuck? Not fully, but a little bit I wouldn't be able to.
Speaker 1:You know, at this point I wouldn't be able to say like lindsey, this point. I wouldn't be able to say like Lindsay McLean and slap your picture up there and I wouldn't be able to rate you or anything, until you actually signed in and said yes, I want to be rated. Okay. Then they watered it down even more that any negative reviews. You would be able to see them and say like okay, this one I don't want in okay, but like, who's going to?
Speaker 2:you may say you can rate me, but who is going to let like a nasty review go up? You know, if you had to think about, I mean, you see all the time stuff like trust pilot or, I think, trip advisor there's no one begins with a t. That sticks to my mind that, like If you had to think about, I mean, you see all the time stuff like Trustpilot or, I think, tripadvisor there's no one begins with a T. It sticks to my mind that, like when places get rated on there, it very specifically says like restaurants cannot dispute, like they cannot take down ratings. So you know that everything that is there, like nothing, has been hidden.
Speaker 1:And I think that you know this is probably one of the reasons why it never did take off.
Speaker 2:Oh good, I am somewhat proud of humanity for realizing.
Speaker 1:Because, yeah, I mean, if somebody gave me a negative review, you know, like Christopher Patchett LCSW, biggest shithead on the face of the planet, I'm not going to be like huh, no, I want other people to know what a shithead I am. So obviously I'm going to, you know, not leave that review up. And at that point it becomes just kind of pointless to even have.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so you know. Now it's just, people are going in there and they're reading reviews, knowing the fact that you know any negative reviews are going to be taken down, and so now the reviews are not going to be exactly trustworthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so what's the point?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's the point? So, thankfully enough, people had enough sense to kind of say with people that, okay, yeah, this is really not going to be that big of an app.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We're not going to. We're not going to sit there and bash each other, and even if we did, it's not going to go anywhere. So what's even the purpose? You kind of think that same as like logic, and you know just as well as I do. If people became a thing and if it didn't get watered down uh-huh how many internet trolls are there?
Speaker 2:how many stars are there in the sky?
Speaker 1:there are more trolls guaranteed you're gonna have a lot of trolls and then just like how that that yelp review, uh the bar that I worked at. Different people are going to have different views of something, so like, yeah, at the place I worked at, it was our policy was if you looked under 40 you had to get id'd yeah this guy being 30 something, uh got id'd.
Speaker 1:Okay I'm, I'm a bouncer, I have to go by the company's policies. Yet now I am the biggest shithead on the face of the planet because a 30-something-year-old didn't get into a bar.
Speaker 2:Why didn't he get into the bar?
Speaker 1:Because he didn't have ID.
Speaker 2:Oh, why did he not have his ID? Who goes out without their ID?
Speaker 1:You know what I will defend. There have been times where, like I, will have to take my ID out of my wallet.
Speaker 2:This is because you have ADHD.
Speaker 1:And, like you know, like if I have to do something online that needs my driver's license number, I'll take it out, I'll put in my driver's license number and they'll be like, I'll just put my ID back in later on throughout the day and then, later on, throughout the day, I go out and I have to buy beer or whatever, and they ask for ID and I'm like oh, I left it at home.
Speaker 2:I mean, true, I've managed to leave my wallet places, but that was an accident.
Speaker 1:What a weirdo Accident.
Speaker 2:Look, it was in another bag. I never change what bag I keep my stuff in. And I had a friend who was visiting me and we'd gone I never change what bag I keep my stuff in. And I had a friend who was visiting me and we'd gone for a hike, so I put my wallet in a different bag so we could be hiking. And then the next night we went out. She wanted to see an American bar she's not American. And we get to the bar and just without thinking I was, you know, they're like can we see some ID? And I was like my wallet's not here. I mean, thankfully they were really really nice and I was able to show them a photo of my passport that I had on my phone from during the visa process to come back to france, like I thankfully had that. But they were like do you have anything?
Speaker 1:and I was like no, I felt so bad taking this logic and kind of putting it into, you know, the hands of two, three, five hundred thousand angry women okay, like yes and and slightly no, I see what you're getting at. I have a bone to pick with it, though.
Speaker 2:Let's hear your bone, Okay. I mean, first I will say I see what you mean. I had not ever made that connection with these groups about how bad they could be. There was a part of me that knew it, but I never like fully made the like. Hey, you're kind of rating people.
Speaker 2:I will say the original point of the group and then the groups that like spread out from there is my understanding was that this was a way for women to be safe, for you to be able to go on there and be like hey, I had a date with Ian and it went terribly. The man pushed me to drink alcohol, he pushed me to have sex with him. He was really nasty. You need to watch out for him. It was a way for people to be safe and to identify people who were on these dating apps, who were just going around being absolute shitheads.
Speaker 2:I can, I can see because I've seen it when I was doing my research um, that you know a little little bit of thinking and you're gonna be like ah, is all of this going to be entirely trustworthy? No, like you, you do have to take it with a grain of salt that this is somebody who's just getting on there and sometimes they say something to back it up. To be like this person's a misogynist and here's the proof, like here's the screenshots of the conversation of him calling me a stupid bitch when I said I wasn't going to go out for drinks or you know something like that. You're like all right, I would. Would trust this. I'm more likely to trust, as opposed to the person who's just like. This is a narcissistic love bombing gas lighter babes. You haven't even met him. You've been talking to him for two days. He can't have love bomb you. It's a fact, as you know because you listen to our love bombing episode right, right.
Speaker 1:And then this is like, and again, like you know, like, so so you have that, you, you have like. Okay, I understand that. Um, you know there are guys out there that are very toxic, that they are very malicious, they are very predatory.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that's the whole thing and I know that we've talked about this with you that like, and I would imagine that this is what the are we dating the same girl people look at too? And he was like she's a scammer. She is just out here asking for money, Like you need to watch out for that. It's the same way here that, like this is such a big problem that you go out and you big problem that you go out and you I mean I've I've experienced this a little bit, never to the extent that I needed to like post it on something like this or that I felt the need to like warn other people. But you do have guys who are showing up, who and there's you know proof that's going on with it. That's like you're really nasty and it comes up enough that it's.
Speaker 1:I see very well why such groups were created but here's the here's the flip side of things, and this is where it becomes very dangerous becomes dangerous because men are killing women oh, this is a whole another episode of well. So I mean, guys who are killing women are also guys who are killing other guys not always the same not always the same, but it's, it's happening, and so, yeah, I'm not saying that guys aren't also killing guys like anyone.
Speaker 2:Killing anyone is a problem, no matter what gender, what like. All of that like it definitely needs to be looked at. But there is an issue with guys like killing, sexually assaulting, raping women that they meet on dating apps like this is something you're very worried about. When I use dating apps, I always sent a photo of the person I was seeing, a because women like to talk about this type of thing and I wanted my girlfriends to approve of whoever I was going on a date with. But you also send the photo to be like if something happens, like you have this.
Speaker 2:I have shared my live location numerous times when I was out on dates with people. I have had check-ins, like with my friends to be like I need to message you at this. I actually had a friend at one point who she went out on a date with somebody and she was supposed to check in and she hadn't. I called her. She was a little bit peeved because she was like things are going great. Until you interrupted, I was like I'm so sorry. I just I needed to make sure that you were okay, cause I had not heard from you in hours and you were supposed to check in at this point and we are past that point. I just want to make sure you're okay. That is a whole different episode, though.
Speaker 1:Talk about that you know, one of the things that you kind of brought up, like you know, like so there was. There was a man in the us, uh, he is suing due to there being fake pictures. So you know, apparently one of the women had allegedly manipulated one of the pictures, photoshopped them, or whatever.
Speaker 1:Right now they're kind of talking and and this is kind of the thing is. So right now it's in talk because, like, the lawyer is saying, like, okay, we have to prove that this was photoshopped or something like that, because if if it is an actual picture, then it would fall under the first amendment. If it's a doctored photo, then it's, this is going to be slander, okay.
Speaker 2:So what were they accusing him of? Um, let's see I assume, if we're talking about slander, it was not just a. Has anyone dated this man and she had like photoshopped it to make him look really ugly or something?
Speaker 1:no, this was. I think it was like a conversation that they had and and she, uh, she ordered the, allegedly ordered the. Uh, you know the text messaging oh girl, you better not have or she had. I. I don't know exactly what it was that was ordered, but yeah, it was more than just something that you like. Oh, he's an ugly guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, that makes more sense.
Speaker 1:And then here's other things where like, so Are we Dating? The Same Guy has been shut down in a few places In Australia, vancouver. You know he ghosted her after they had sex and even showed an article newspaper article extremely vague, and it looked like it could be matched up with this particular person, but come to find out that you know this person and the news article were two completely different things. So, as you're kind, of saying what was?
Speaker 2:that was the news article? Wait, what was it about?
Speaker 1:so the news article was about somebody who had a man who had killed a woman. Oh so, just as you were kind of saying earlier about, like how you know there are men who kill women and things like that, yes, 100, true, there are, but in this particular case, you know, like it was not him it was not him, because the article didn't have any names.
Speaker 1:It kind of gave like a brief description and you know one girl she may have seen it and just kind of put the one and one together and then posted up on are we dating the same guy? But then it became like no, this guy actually didn't do anything. You know like okay, you know he may have been alone on the clinging side, he may have ghosted her which is a crime.
Speaker 2:You know how often people ghost you when you're doing online dating.
Speaker 1:Oh god, yeah you know like, which is probably not the greatest thing on the face of the planet, but you know it's, it's not going to be.
Speaker 2:You know like, oh my god, he's undateable right, it's not that big of a deal, but but getting killed is definitely an undateable thing yeah, yeah, if I saw something about that, about someone I was interested in, that would be a turnoff and then a little bit.
Speaker 1:And then there's the other extreme of like there was a guy who was being posted about because he he was in a mental hospital why would you share that information about somebody?
Speaker 1:and that's the thing. Like you know, like, okay, you know people, a lot of people end up in mental hospitals. You know, for one thing or another, whether it is that they felt depressed and they tried to commit suicide, or whether they I mean stressful times. Somebody has like a total breakdown and ends up in a mental hospital. But if you're going to post that you know like this guy is undateable because he was in a mental hospital, you're basically now giving this guy like a blacklist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause I think most people would look at that and be like nope, yeah, just instantly yeah whoopsies and this is where this, where it really becomes toxic, is that like, okay, yes, you know there is. There are, like you know, like cases where it does? I'm sure it has saved women's lives, I'm sure that it has, you know, prevented heartbreak. But this is the last thing that, or last person I can say is that there was a man who committed suicide because he found out that he was being talked about in this website and that, you know, he just kind of took it to heart and he ended up and a lot of the allegations that were made about him were untrue as well.
Speaker 2:And that's really unfortunate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you know, yeah, you're saving, you know, women's lives, but you're also destroying men's life yeah, I'm not.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying these groups are great, don't get me wrong, but I do. I understand why they were created. I also see the toxicity. I mean, take a look at, you know, the one that I was inspecting. Yeah, you'll see that, like I said, people just kind of saying stuff all the time there's like and there's no way to back it up, and I'd like to think that, you know, if I were out there today, I'd be like, oh gee, I'm not going to take this at face value and just be like well, I saw anonymous posters said blah, blah, blah about this person, but I know that, unfortunately, like, whether you want to or not, it's the type of thing where, even if I'm trying to be like I don't know, you see the thing like the article and you're like, oh, somewhere in the back of my head I'm like right, james Doe, wasn't he the one? There was an article about him like murdering a woman, is this him, is this the one? Without even necessarily meaning to that, that may influence you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so before we get into, where do we go from here?
Speaker 2:No, no, hold on, hold on. You said we were going to talk about. Are we dating the same girl?
Speaker 1:I said before we go into.
Speaker 2:I just wanted to make sure you hadn't forgotten. Don't put your God voice on.
Speaker 1:Oh dear God, why do I deal with this shit? I don't fucking know either.
Speaker 2:Because I'm your daughter.
Speaker 1:Yes, there is the men version as well. Are we dating the same girl, which carries along with all the the same beautiful toxic values, as are we dating the same guy? However, this is the thing that I absolutely love. So when women got drift of this, they said that was disgusting and inappropriate to post women's dating profiles. They called men who joined this group an incel, which I actually had looked this up an incel are you serious?
Speaker 2:Do you not know what an incel is? How?
Speaker 1:long have we been doing this podcast, obviously, if I had to look it up.
Speaker 2:This has to have come up before.
Speaker 1:I don't believe it had.
Speaker 2:It's got to have. We talked about the symbol Involuntarily celibate. Everybody knows fucking incels.
Speaker 1:But you know what, after seeing this, I am now going to be doing an episode on this nice good so that.
Speaker 1:So an incel is a man who is not desired by women, singled and bitter towards women. Yeah, I mean, you know you have women who are proudly promoting. No, are we dating the same guy and the same women who are proudly promoting? No, are we dating the same guy and the same women who are proudly promoting? Are we dating the same guy to? Are finding it disgusting that are we dating the same girl is a thing to be fair, do we know that these are the same people?
Speaker 2:because if it's the same people, fuck that shit. Like you don't get to join this group that posts photos of men and people get to make comments and then say that you can't do the opposite. But if you agree that that's gross and this is gross, that's okay. You just got to be on one side. You can't be anywhere in between.
Speaker 1:I mean if they're saying that men who do this are disgusting and inappropriate, rather than people who do this Because I would imagine you would have to know are we dating the same guy, in order for you to know what. Are we dating the same girl?
Speaker 2:is I only found out about. Are we dating the same guy fairly recently? It was never something that had come up for me that I had thought to look for, I had never seen it, and it actually showed up as a suggestion on facebook for me to join and that's the thing.
Speaker 1:Like this. This started in new york city in 2022, so that late yeah, it's less than two years old or no, just over two years old, and so I mean, this started in um march of 2022. Uh, it gained popularity very quickly, so it's only been maybe the past, you know year. Okay, that is really kind of grown and again that makes me feel slightly better.
Speaker 2:I was like how do I not know about this?
Speaker 1:so so, yeah, you know, like you know, even, even if they're not a member of, are we dating the same guy? The fact that they are saying the men who do this are disgusting and inappropriate, rather than the people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no again you gotta be on one side of the other. Either it's it's gross for everybody or we support it for everybody.
Speaker 1:Pick one yeah, so, with all that being said, where do you think we should go from here?
Speaker 2:I would love to live in a world where, a we didn't have to do this podcast and where, b women didn't have to be so worried about men murdering, sexually assaulting whatever them that they would create this type of thing. I don't think it's the right answer, though, to have this type of group, because there are a lot of things in life that look really good on paper. You're like this is an app that people would love. Imagine if you get to rate people Communism. Imagine if we just like, shared everything. Wouldn't that be fun? On paper, it looks really, really good, but when you put it out into the real world, it don't do too hot and people will find ways to abuse it, and so I think that, unfortunately, I think they gotta be getting gotten rid of. Like, I mean, if the fact is that people are committing suicide because of this, if people are finding out this stuff has been said like, okay, clingy and ghosting, it's not the end of the world, dude, get over yourself. But also, you know, maybe I would feel differently if I found out that I was being posted somewhere and people are like, oh yeah, you know she doesn't talk that much, you know quiet and just kind of sits there. You know, fuck you, you weren't interesting to talk to. Maybe you're the problem.
Speaker 2:Maybe I would feel differently if I stumbled or somebody like showed me myself on there. I'd be like that's actually more hurtful than I thought it would be on there. I'd be like that's actually more hurtful than I thought it would be. I just yeah, I don't think there's a a good way to make sure that everything is legit on these, and I think they have the potential to cause more harm along as it. If they've only been around for two years and already we're seeing stuff like this that has made its way, like through the levels I mean we've got a lawsuit and stuff like that that means that there's probably more to come as more people get, gain awareness of this thing and start looking for it and realize that they may be on there men and women, both of them. I think we have a lot more lawsuits potentially coming, and I'm not surprised that that the groups have been shut down in some cities.
Speaker 1:I agree. I think that the thing is is that words like he's very clingy is going to be a different definition for everybody.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm sure you've met girls where they said something along the lines of like oh, my god, you know he texted me like you know, like uh, after the date and said like I hope we had a good time, like the uh super clean here, and it's like very true, yeah dude, he just said I hope we had a good time. Know he hasn't texted you in the past three days, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like that's not clean. Yeah, that type of thing has a very personal definition and so just putting that out there without backing it up with proof and there is no way For a lot of this stuff, there is no way to have proof. And then you also run into the whole like are we really supposed, really supposed to be like? How would I feel if my personal messages, like screenshots, were just sitting out there publicly on the facebook group with like thousands of people in it? That's not how I want to live my life right.
Speaker 1:so, yeah, I think, I think, unfortunately, like yeah, I do see the good in it, that it has helped and saved, you know, some people's lives and things like that, but at the same time it's like at what cost?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think that you know definitely being able to find like a better way of doing things, and I think that you know part of it is just being smart about you know, like dating as a whole, like, just as you said, like you know, like being able to have your phone on location, being able to have that, that phone call of like hey just want to make sure if everything's okay. Even you know like, even if like, uh, you know it means breaking down the door to make sure and being like hey, I was going to have a good time.
Speaker 2:Like she still had a great time.
Speaker 1:But yeah, you know like and that's the thing is like, you know, like, okay, things like that, you know. I know, like being as tall as I am, being as big as I am, one of the biggest things like if I go out on a first date, I am very, very, very conscious about. Like you know. Like you know, we'll meet in public, we'll come in two separate cars, you know, and things like that, because I do want her to feel safe as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'll even mention it. And okay, cool, Like again being smart about dating, Like don't meet up at the house, you know, don't, you know?
Speaker 2:Well, I can't tell you how many times I saw women getting on there. I mean, like here's, you know's, you know again? Joe, 32. His profile says 30, 30 but he told me later he's actually 30 and his real name is not joe, it's rob. And should I like, are there any red flags here? And people like babes, hello, and I think people are sometimes using the group as like a sort of a validation. We're like maybe they know deep down that, like that this is if we're already lying about our name and age, which is not a big deal, but like, why are you lying about it? Why do you have to like that? That is a red flag If you're already, like on the dating website, lying about your age, the name I'm a little bit more open to a little bit. The name, I'm a little bit more open to A little bit. I think people are sometimes using it, though for that, like you know it's bad, but you're trying to, but maybe it's okay.
Speaker 1:No, no of toxicity. Green potato, being that it could be slightly irritating, gives you a little bit ofa little bit of runs or whatever, uh, but it's not going to kill you. Is it a death cap mushroom where you have a 50 50 shot of dying, or is this antifreeze a delightful last meal?
Speaker 2:I would say this is three green potatoes. I don't know if it's quite at 50-50 chance of death. That would be death cap mushroom. I do think it has the potential to be bad. I mean, again, somebody has died from this. Somebody committed suicide because he felt so bad about what was being said about him and that's not something to treat lightly. But my personal experience in looking at this group was that the majority of the cases of people being like hey, does anybody know this person? Nobody responded. So either people like didn't, does anybody know this person? Nobody responded. So either people like didn't know or they didn't have anything to say about the person.
Speaker 2:The moderators were very on top of keeping an eye on. Like even if people were making like positive comments about an appearance, it would be gone. Like you did not comment on appearance. Like somebody leaving a little heart eyes emoji was like nope, you're gone.
Speaker 2:People saying like oh, dm me and I'll tell you more information kicked out of the group. Like if you have something to say, it has to be said right here for everyone to see. None of this like little private messaging back and forth type thing. They did seem to respect that and they did seem to actually believe in the original idea of this group, which is not to make fun of men or hate on them, but to keep people safe. Obviously, that may not be the case for all groups and obviously, like even with that, you know, somebody could start a rival group, somebody could, like, you know, messages can still get through, false information can still be put out, and so I I don't think they're necessarily great groups and we would probably be better off without them, but I don't think that in general, they are so, so toxic that I would give them a death cap. I can tell you disagree with me.
Speaker 1:I see your face I don't know anybody who was murdered, so therefore it doesn't happen I get it.
Speaker 2:I still stick with my based on my experience and what I saw there of that particular group.
Speaker 1:So that you know I will say it's a solid death cap, because your group is also remember that this is city by city. Yes, so you know your, your group, may monitor it very well.
Speaker 2:But how many? You say my group like it's. Oh, I'm the admin. Secrets are coming out.
Speaker 1:Actually I think it's actually Lindsay's. Are we dating the same guy?
Speaker 2:Yeah, people just like forget the Lindsay's part, and that's really rude like forget the lindsey's part, and that's really rude.
Speaker 1:So so the the group that you were a member of may be you know very well at it, but I mean, how many cities are there in the world? Yeah? So that's a valid point and, and this is where, like you know, like again, like you know, people have committed suicide, people have you know, you have people who are making their own definitions of something, where God if I saw one more.
Speaker 2:he's a love bomber. Yeah, I'm reporting the group myself.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know, and the thing is is that if somebody says he's a love bomber, after dating him for a week, you now have thousands of other women who don't listen to our show which they should be, and have no idea what a love bombing is. So and then again, you know, like the definitions of, is he clingy?
Speaker 1:You know, just as I said, like you know, like some guy who says you know, I hope you had a good time and that's the last message, is now all of a sudden on the clingy side, you know. So I think that, yeah, this is a solid Deathcap for me.
Speaker 2:I support that and I stick with my three green potatoes. But I support your reasoning for Deathcap Mushroom.
Speaker 1:So, with that being said, let us know how you feel, write to us, let us know that you also agree, you know. Write to us, let us know that you also agree that this is a death gap, and I won't even fight you. Rate us and comment on our show. It helps us get the message out there. And we're on social media. We're on social media. All of them Just fucking look. Basically all of them. Yeah're on social media. All of them Just fucking look.
Speaker 2:Basically all of them. Yeah, hit us up, follow us.
Speaker 1:And, with that being said, thank you so much for listening. Please follow us and we'll see you next week. Bye.
Speaker 2:Bye, bye.
