Toxic Cooking Show
Misogyny, $800 first dates, simps, and high-value women: Social media has been busy cooking up and feeding us an addictive but toxic slurry of trends over the past few years. Here at The Toxic Cooking Show we're two friends dedicated to breaking down these trends, terms, and taunts into their simplest ingredients to understand where they came from and how they affect our lives. Join us each week as we ponder and discuss charged topics like personal responsibility and "not all men" before placing them on our magical Scale O' ToxicityAny comments or topics you want to hear about write to us at toxic@awesomelifeskills.com
Toxic Cooking Show
Only Fans, Emotions, and Finances
Is your online life taking over your real-world connections? Join Lindsay McClane and me, Christopher Patchet LCSW, as we tackle the complex dynamics of digital interactions, spotlighting platforms like OnlyFans and the nuanced responsibilities they entail. We share personal reflections on our own screen time habits and offer strategies to manage your online consumption to ensure you're not missing out on meaningful face-to-face encounters. From blurring boundaries to the stark contrasts between virtual and physical relationships, we explore the profound impact of our digital lives on our everyday reality.
Take a trip down memory lane with us as we reminisce about the simpler days of MySpace, contrasting them with today's dating app-dominated landscape. Discover the unique, often frustrating, experiences men and women face in the world of online dating. Through lighthearted anecdotes and honest reflections, we unpack the challenges of navigating these platforms, highlighting the lopsided dynamics and the quest for genuine connections amidst a sea of messages and profiles.
Prepare to face the darker side of online dating as we expose the tactics of scammers who exploit emotions and trust for financial gain. We dive into the psychological impact of these manipulations, emphasizing the importance of awareness and support in combating deceitful requests for money. From recognizing the subtle signs of scams to normalizing open conversations about falling victim to them, Lindsay and I aim to foster a safer and more informed digital dating environment. Tune in to equip yourself with the knowledge and confidence to protect your heart—and your wallet.
Hi and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we break down toxic people to their simplest ingredients. I'm your host, christopher Patchett LCSW.
Speaker 2:And I'm Lindsay McLean.
Speaker 1:We left off last week on a bit of a disagreement.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:We were saying about how OnlyFans and we were talking about how that all these things, that that you know, as far as women kind of like making these, these profiles and everything like that, and kind of bringing guys in and then kind of using them for money, saying that they're in like relationships and everything like that. Money is saying that they're in relationships and everything like that.
Speaker 2:We kind of left off with that.
Speaker 1:I put a lot of that on the women and you kind of said that men should take part of that blame, correct? I kind of wanted to go into one of the things here like. So there was a documentary on amazon prime. It was basically anything for fame. It was talking about different trends like tick tock and, and you know, only fans and things like that. And one of the things was it was a girl saying that she was an only fans model, saying that, well, men only use us for sex, so why not just use them for money?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah that's gross so one of the things I wanted to kind of bring up is that we look at, we look at online as this you know, disconnect and one of the things I kind of wanted to bring up is that unfortunately, right or wrong, online is more of the kind of the technology it's here, it's incorporated into our lives. One of the things when you kind of say about, like you know, men should take on more of the responsibility, I think one of the things that ends up happening and this happens to a lot of us is that we kind of think to like online is not real life and being able to say, like you know, like this is real life, this is not real life. But you kind of have to look at, like you know, like where online is nowadays.
Speaker 2:No, this is very true and I feel like we should preface this by saying that in the interim we had a spat on Instagram because we're adults about this very topic and that just goes to show that, like, there is a lot of stuff that is online that can have a very real effect on your real life and I think we even those of us who spend an excessive amount of time on the internet kind of forget that that can bleed over into things and that the stuff that happens there really does affect people in real life, like the stuff that you see.
Speaker 2:You know we make the connection that's like, oh, if you're somebody who's struggling with an eating disorder and you see somebody getting on Instagram being like I only eat a piece of lettuce a day because it's healthy, like that can have a really bad effect on you, and seeing those ads and being hit with that like that absolutely will affect you and your ability to stay eating healthy and to not relapse back into that. We acknowledge that, but I know I certainly can. Sometimes you called me out for it. You were looking for a fight and I just went in with it. That you know. We sometimes look at the bullying that happens there and it is bullying or the harassment that happens of these messages and be like oh, it's just really easy to like ignore, but if that's all you're seeing, then it is gross. If that's all you're seeing, then it is gross.
Speaker 1:One of the things I kind of want to point out is and and you know I said this at the very beginning online versus real life. Average person spends about four to five hours a day Really, and have you ever looked at your screen time?
Speaker 2:I have, and I have definitely like when I see that it's getting more than I want it to be, like I've uninstalled Instagram from my phone before If I feel like I'm doing too much, like, thank God, it has never gotten that high. But I can easily see where, for many people, I made that face and I was like, oh my God. See where, for many people, I made that face and I was like, oh my God. And yet I think about the people who I see who are just like chronically online, like on Facebook, on Instagram, on stuff like that. It's like, yeah, I bet you are just sitting there and like doom scrolling for an hour at a time and then you'll come back and do that a couple more times.
Speaker 1:You're on Facebook, you're on like YouTube shorts, unfortunately, yeah, I can actually very easily see how people get that much time and you gotta also figure that like, okay, screen time is one thing, but considering that your job is on computers, how many times do you kind of do the the you know 20 minutes of your job and just like, oh my god, let me check this out, like you know, just like switch over to another tab I actually used to have an app I need to probably reinstall it, you've reminded me just to make sure but there was, um I guess not technically an app, a plugin for chrome that I used to have that you could set certain websites on there as like your, you know danger websites, and then you could set how much time per day you could be on them between certain hours.
Speaker 2:So, for instance, like when I was doing my thesis, I very specifically had it set so that you know, between like the working hours that I had, I think I had something like 20 minutes total I could spend on stuff like Facebook or whatever, and my stupid little monkey brain was always like, oh my God, only 20 minutes, like we can't waste that, and so I just wouldn't go on. It was beautiful. I loved how well it worked so okay.
Speaker 1:So, looking at like the average time four to five hours I let me ask you, uh and this is something to kind of like really oof, um, how many hours per day do you actually interact with other people?
Speaker 2:what do you mean by interact with other people, like face to face, in person, or it could be?
Speaker 1:nope girl, you know, I work from home as a freelancer so I'm I'm talking like you know, like face to face, sitting down having a cup of coffee or going out ziplining, whatever the fuck you know millennials do. How many hours per day would you average out that? You actually spend with somebody in real life.
Speaker 2:So, thankfully for me, I just started going to kickboxing and to garden club, which has greatly increased that number.
Speaker 1:From zero to one.
Speaker 2:Okay, so kickboxing is two hours and gardening club is two hours. That is four hours a week. I'm interacting with people.
Speaker 1:Okay, four hours per week. Add a little bit of grocery shopping.
Speaker 2:No, I don't talk to people. I go through self-checkout.
Speaker 1:Fuck them, you know. No, I don't talk to people, I go through self-checkout, okay, so so four, four to five hours per week.
Speaker 2:So let's just, let's say, let's say a nice hefty, like you know, like seven hours altogether.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I like that that's. That's one hour, you know, averaging out to one hour per day versus four to five hours online.
Speaker 2:That is a huge difference, yeah, wow.
Speaker 1:When we talk about, like you know, like online versus real life, that's where the lines are becoming blurred, because online is now becoming real life.
Speaker 2:I don't like it when you say stuff like this, because it's true and yeah, you know like it's.
Speaker 1:It's not like, because I do remember like back in the day, like myspace and I'm fucking aging myself big time by saying that but you, you think about like myspace and things like that, especially like people who grew up with myspace and they're like, you know, like late teens, early 20s, and you saw so many like you know, like you know the start of all these, like you know, like uh, debates on lines and started seeing like relationships that started online and you kind of said to each other you know, like dude, like dude, my space is not real life, get the fuck over it. Oh my God, these are not real people. These, you know, these are not not your real friends. Like, go out and do something.
Speaker 1:Well you know, that was back in the day when I mean I would spend maybe a total of like five or six hours on MySpace and, like I would be, you know the roles were reversed. You know I'd get off of. You know at the time I was in the Navy at you know five o'clock I would get off work, be out until like nine or 10, might spend, like you know, like a few minutes here and there on, like you know, myspace, because on phones at the time your mobile devices did have internet but you were paying 10 cents per minute oh my god, and it would take a good like two or three minutes for one page to load.
Speaker 1:So you're paying 30 cents just for the person or the page to load. You would have to scroll over with the little like mouse thing and hit enter when you put up a picture or a friend's picture, and now that's taking another three minutes. So, yeah, you know, like the technology at the time, like when we were saying that this is not real life, yeah, because real life consisted of that. You know five to ten Going out having drinks, enjoying each other's companies, versus where we are today.
Speaker 2:To be fair. To be fair, I did spend hours with friends today having brunch. That's an abnormality, though we don't usually do that.
Speaker 1:That's why it said on average seven hours. I gave you that extra three hours.
Speaker 2:That's very generous of you.
Speaker 1:You kind of have to figure. Now we're going into this whole thing where online is now becoming more real life, and so let me ask you like have you ever used like a dating app?
Speaker 2:Yes, I have.
Speaker 1:What are for you as a female? How many hits per day do you get?
Speaker 2:A lot I could. If I open something like Bumble right now and create the profile on it, then I would probably have that like 99 plus likes or like right swipes, whatever it's called for, that one, yeah, within an hour so now I, I do. I do want to clarify with that it's not because I'm hot.
Speaker 2:Men also like to just swipe right on every fucking woman that they see and then see what happens after that not all men, of course but, I've watched numerous men just like ew, she's fat left just like frantically going right for every woman in the hopes that the woman will like swipe right on him yeah, so that that is part of it, that that is part of it and so I I will say, yes, you know like, okay, out of that, a hundred guys that liked you in that hour, yes, you are gonna get the.
Speaker 1:You know like uh guys who are going to get the guys who are trying to get to see if somebody swipes right on them. Yes, you're going to get some guys who are saying about their monstrous dong.
Speaker 2:You're going to have some great investment opportunities in Bitcoin. There's got to be at least a bot in there.
Speaker 1:So, yes, you're getting so. So even even in that one hour let's say um 20 are are decent. You know, starting off with the hey, how are you? Let's just say for shits and giggles of those 20, 15 of them once you say something along the lines of oh, I'm, I'm doing great, I'm cooking dinner, and 15 of them reply back with I have something else you can cook up. So now that leaves you with 5.
Speaker 2:I love how you picked like the bigger number there. You know your gender well. So now that leaves you with five. I love how you picked the bigger number there. You know your gender well.
Speaker 1:So, okay, you now have five per hour that are semi-decent, semi-okay-ish, whatever ish. You know, whatever. There was a video that, um, I think I might have sent it to you like once or twice or, uh, 40, 50, 100 times, because somebody wouldn't watch it okay, because you wanted me to watch it. Therefore, I didn't want to watch oh, my god, that is that, like you know, like 15. Oh, he's going to make me watch it. No, I'll show him, I will watch it.
Speaker 2:To be fair.
Speaker 1:Once I watched it.
Speaker 2:It was good, I see your point, I see your point.
Speaker 1:So the video, or the basis of the video, is this girl. She was having a conversation with one of her friends and her friend is a guy and she was, like online dating is so easy. You know, she, being a female, you know okay, 99 hits in an hour. And said, like you know, like, okay, female, you know, okay, 99 hits in an hour. And said, like you know, like, okay, you know what you know, if you're not getting hits, like you know, like, uh, she was even saying that her friend is like a six so slightly above average, and that she created this profile with his permission and basically trying to go for like okay, maybe maybe he's just, you know, like, totally screwing up the profile. Maybe it's the fact that, like he's not really using the words that women want to hear. So she makes up this profile and she's saying about how she, as her, is, you know, writing to all these women. You know trying to.
Speaker 2:You know, uh, get it, get some kind of like, you know like, conversation going and she was getting absolutely nothing yeah, she even mentioned at one point she's like I'm trying with the twos and the threes and I'm still not getting any hits. It had been had been a couple of days and her comment there too that you point out to me was she was like I basically I see why men hate this and like are angry at women because if this is what you're getting, wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah she.
Speaker 2:She ended all saying like you know, like at this point I absolutely fucking hate women, because I'm putting myself out there as my friend and I'm getting absolutely nothing I still wish and this is my complaint with so many of these videos and we talked about this and how do you know, like, what is real on the internet and not I still wish we could have seen what the profile looked like, because it's very easy to paint a certain picture, to frame it a certain way and be like, yeah, you know, I went on and I created this profile and like nothing's happening and I'm willing to believe truly that, like she created a good profile for her friend that she used like good pictures, she filled out the information that she was really, really trying. I do still wish that we could have seen that proof, just to make sure that this wasn't one of these like pandering to a certain audience videos. We are saying what angry men want to hear to get attention.
Speaker 1:I still do wish we could have gotten that confirmation, but I I'm willing to believe that she did this in good faith so I I can definitely tell you, uh, as, as somebody who is currently on a on a dating app or two or three or four or five, for science of course for science, of course.
Speaker 2:Then yes, you know, like a guy is maybe getting one hit, you know a month, I think I told you this at one point that um one of my exes had been on dating websites for two years and I was his one and only hit like match yeah, you know, and then that's the thing is like okay, so, just as I was kind of saying earlier, you know you have 99 matches in one hour and then you were able to cut off the bullshit guys.
Speaker 1:You were able to cut off, like you know, the bonds. You were able to cut off the, you know like dick pics.
Speaker 2:You were able to cut off all these thank god I have never gotten a dick pic. Knock on wood I can.
Speaker 1:I can talk to some guy friends of mine if you want I am good, I am I really really good not getting those so we were able to eliminate, you know, a huge portion of the guys and, just as I said, like a guy might get hit, like if lucky, you know, if lucky once a week, okay, so, just like the women, just because you got 99 hits doesn't mean that you got 99 good possibilities, yeah. And so you've gone from narrowing it down to five guys in one hour, 52 weeks in a year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't do too hot in math but I can tell you the odds are not in your favor.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So let's say, maybe once every three months you now like start talking to somebody and you start a conversation and all that good stuff, and then, okay, cool, you know like three months, not that bad. Not that bad until we have like infinite suck girl.
Speaker 2:I forgot about our mascot. Very briefly.
Speaker 1:Uh, so you know, I forgot about our mascot very briefly. So you know talking to her and having a good conversation and everything like that, and let me see a full-size body picture of you. Oh, your socks are dirty. I could never date a guy with dirty socks.
Speaker 2:And after I pointed out that that's not dirt, that that's shadows, and you got to see the lovely pictures and If it had been dirt, that actually would have taken skill to like dip them in dirty water at just the exact right like doop, and then pull them out and dry them like that Would have given you props if you'd managed that.
Speaker 1:So you like that. It's what are you giving props if you manage that? So you know, she finally did come out and saying that oh well, you know I'm not, as, uh, the the thinnest girl in the world, but I still blah, blah, blah. Okay, so now you've narrowed your, your matches, down that much further. You have guys who are trying to find, like, a companionship. They're trying to find, like you know, love they're trying to find, you know, somebody who, because everybody wants to be like you know, like it's. You know, when was the last time that somebody said that you're beautiful or that you're sweet?
Speaker 2:Recently.
Speaker 1:You know how long it's been.
Speaker 2:How long?
Speaker 1:I can't even fucking remember.
Speaker 2:Dad did you know that you're beautiful and sweet.
Speaker 1:Oh, shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2:Okay, but now you can't say that, now you can remember. At the very least I hope you realize that you have automatically signed yourself up for a good morning.
Speaker 1:Beautiful text from me for the next week. Well, thank God for your ADHD. You'll forget it within a half an hour.
Speaker 2:Rude, but true, but true.
Speaker 1:Damn it. Rude but true but true, damn it. Actually, you know, as far as, like you know, last time I've been told that I was sweet and everything like that, and I and I've shown you these pictures of I made like a connection with, with a girl online, everything and there's things's things like you know, like hey, I need this much money, I need and these are girls that are not even like OnlyFan girls, like these are your average. You know everyday people that I've met on, like OK, cupid or something like that.
Speaker 1:So these are like the amateurs versus, like you know, like the professional, like OnlyFan girls who do this for eight hours a day yeah you kind of have this like this, this choice of whether or not, do you send that like ten dollars and risk being taken for as a sucker, or do you just say like no.
Speaker 1:Like you know, like I I've never met you online or you know in real life, which, as we kind of kind of said like at the beginning, this is kind of being blurred. You know, we we really haven't started like a real relationship, blah blah, and lose out on you know like, oh well, fuck you. Like you know, like I have plenty of other guys gross, and and the one that I did send you and you got to see flat out was, uh, when I finally did bring it up to her, I was like, look, you know. Like you know, I thought that we were in a relationship, like I thought that, like you know, like, uh, things were going really well every time that I kind of talked to you about it and she's, you know, you seem to kind of like disappear. Now this is after I stopped, you know, sending her money.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know, you saw the response yourself. It was well, we were only there for each other. You know, it wasn't really a relationship. Well, we were only there for each other. It wasn't really a relationship. And even to the point where you were even thinking to yourself maybe Dad just heard it wrong.
Speaker 2:I was like no yeah. I was trying to reason my way out of that one.
Speaker 1:I was like no, she called me a boyfriend. She would tell her friends or quote unquote, told her friends about me. We were making plans of like meeting up and things like that. That's kind of. One of the things is that the lines of reality and online have completely blurred and now we are kind of living in this, you know online presence, so now you lose, or now you come to the end and you've kind of finally like, if you say no, then it's that gaslighting, um, but you know, as long as you are saying like yes, yes, yes, then it's just lies and manipulation.
Speaker 1:That's kind of where I say about. Like you know, it's not so much I, like you know, like guys are just falling for these scams, these, like you know, like nigerian, french scams and things like that. It's more the idea that, like you know, like some of the ones I've shown you of girls uh, only fan girls, where they're just average girls you know, and the funny thing is is that, like you know, um, some of them are the best one that I, you know, uh.
Speaker 1:So some of them are just like you know, like, uh, you know like your average, like four or five, six, um, not like. You know, like big, you know big boobs, and and kind of saying this whole thing of like you know, like, uh, I'm hot and horny, send me like ten dollars and we'll be in a relationship and I'll fuck the shit out of you. No, it's, it's a normal looking chick who's kind of saying like, oh, my god, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met. You know things like that. Um, oh god, I'm just in a crisis, like you know, like, and the thing is is that you know that whole time that they're talking to you, it's not just pointless conversations, they're also trying to get information out of you for like things like, uh, oh, your dad's a vietnam veteran. Like, so is mine.
Speaker 1:Like you know, like, oh, your dad passed away from cancer. Like, oh, you know that's so sad. And then, three weeks later, like you know, like, hey, look, you know like, we went to the va. My dad, like you know, was diagnosed, so sad. And then, three weeks later, like you know, like, hey, look, you know, like we went to the va, my dad, like you know, was diagnosed with, uh, some kind of cancer, uh, and therefore, like you know, like, I just need a hundred dollars. Va is not, like you know, like paying for this type of medication. Please, like, I just need your help that's.
Speaker 1:That's fucking gross, like that's disgusting to use that against somebody and that's the thing is that you know those conversations at the beginning is these girls using that um, trying to figure out what ammunition to kind of throw back where it's not just like hey, like I want to go out for drinks tonight, I, I just need like $100. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Okay, bye, love you, I love you. He's seeing you do the duck lips and the little peace sign. You know, one of my favorite photos of us is we took when I graduated and we're both doing the little sorority girl pose together. I love that photo I have it printed out somewhere.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, they're not going for the obvious. Like I need $100 so I can get some drinks and find myself a nice man for the night. No, it's what is important to you. Oh, these things are important to you. Put in a similar situation so that way, like you're more vulnerable to, you know, sending me a hundred dollars.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just pull up those heartstrings that like magically. I have a very similar problem and you've called me out for this in the past that sometimes I have, I think, like many women, because we're not the ones experiencing this, and so I think we have the kind of tendency to minimize me, like, oh, it's just one time, like you know I've also, when I've been dating online, like, while I haven't ever gotten dick pics, um, I've definitely gotten some like really gross messages and some, even if it's not gross, just some like real, real interesting, shall we say, messages from dudes, and I think we have the tendency to just kind of, oh, it's kind of like that. But the thing is is that those have been mixed in with like normal messages. And if I was somebody who that's all I got, like every time I opened up Bumble or Tinder or whatever it is, opened up Bumble or Tinder or whatever it is, and that's all I was seeing was just dicks on dicks or gross messages or things like that, then it does start to affect your self-esteem, it does start to really get to you, and that's not even the psychological aspect that I think you're talking about here, which is it's not just a woman hitting you up for money. It's them using.
Speaker 2:Something really important that you have divulged, which is part of the process of getting to know somebody, is that you're chatting and you're talking about, like, oh, what do you do? Where's your family from? Oh, that's really cool. What about your parents? Oh, that's neat. Your mom does whatever. Like my mom does that too. You know something like that. Like that's part of the the getting to know somebody and, like you know, potentially seeing if you want to date them process, so you can't just not do that, um, and then to have that thrown back in your face is it's a whole different level than just getting some tiny dick that you can ignore.
Speaker 1:So where do we go from here?
Speaker 2:I would say maybe the first thing is accept responsibility kind of on both sides, but especially for women We've talked about this privately a couple of times and I've spoken about it here today it can be a little bit hard to when you're not the one who's the source of the problem and none of your friends are the source of the problem. You're like, no, but it's not that big of a deal. Yes, it's bad. Yes, this is gross. No, this is not okay, but also it's not that bad. I'm pretty sure I've actually said that to you in one of our many, many discussions about this, and I think it is important to acknowledge that it is something that's happening and to be aware of it and to call out that type of bad behavior if you see it. Of course, it's harder because I'm not seeing what you're seeing as well. Even if I were on OkCupid right now, I would not see what you're seeing, and so it's a lot harder for me to, in that very moment, in that very situation, call out the bad behavior. But I think it's important to be aware of it and to be kind of on the lookout, for when you see people making comments about this type of thing, like, oh, it's not so serious, like, oh, it was just you know, it was only $10 to kind of pull them back into reality and be like, yeah, but you wouldn't like that if somebody did that to you. And let's look at the whole situation.
Speaker 2:It is manipulation, it is weird, like you know. Yes, it's really easy to sit here and say like, oh, you know, she's asking for money, like, just block her, like, and move on to the next one. Well, there is no next one and it's. I think it's important to remember that. I do also want to add that it's important for men there is some responsibility for you too on this that you guys also try. And I don't want to say, you know, don't fall for this bullshit, because that makes it sound really simple and like you're being dumb and it's not that. But I would love to see men be a lot more like we're not doing this. You know, somebody asked you for money.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna so this is where I kind of have that problem with. That is that if a girl was sexually assaulted, would it be okay for me to say, well, um, she was wearing these clothes.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:If an elderly got, let's say, a new type of scam, is it their fault that they lost a couple thousand dollars?
Speaker 2:No, I'm not blaming Min for this. I'm going blaming men for this. I'm not saying this is your fault, that you got scammed by this woman. That's not what I'm saying. It's more of an awareness type thing about it even so, that more guys are aware that this is they're not alone in this and maybe that will make people feel a little more open about talking, like we've talked about with scams. When you're open about the fact that there's this scam, it normalizes it for people who may be feeling like embarrassed that they fell for it or who don't want to talk about that they, you know they almost fell for it and they're going to hide that because they feel like a lot of shame.
Speaker 1:I I think that the one thing that makes it very difficult is the fact that, and even in today's society, like, uh, men are, men are supposed to be the protectors, men are supposed to be the. You know like the, the givers, and you know, like you know, all this bullshit. And the thing is, is that the difference between this and the scam is that a scam is trying to go for as much money in the shortest amount of time possible I mean, I would still qualify this as a scam I I mean it's definitely scam they're offering you something quote-unquote that you're not actually going to get.
Speaker 2:In this case, they're pretending to offer you love interest, companionship, when, in fact, the goal is to steal your money, because that's what it is.
Speaker 1:It's a prolonged scam. There we go, there we go. It's not like how, like uh, um, like a, a normal scam where it's like you know, uh, this is the irs calling you and you owe, like you know, like uh, twenty five hundred dollars. You know, go down to the local walmart, get to go gift cards, blah, blah, blah, uh, yeah because irs loves itunes gift cards blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because the IRS loves iTunes gift cards. That's how I pay my taxes.
Speaker 1:Oh God. So they're trying to go for as much money in the least amount of time. And the thing is with these games, and again you know, like OnlyFans and things like that is that it's not just a one-time deal, it's you're believing you're in this relationship and you're going further and further into this relationship and as time progresses, it's oh, I only need eight dollars, you know, oh, I only need twenty dollars. You know like something that's I only need $8,. You know, oh, I only need $20,. You know like something that's you know doable. But you do that a couple of times a week and then, like you know, trying to hit up for like a couple or a month or two months later, cause these things go on and on and on.
Speaker 2:I do. I do want to make a slight note here, and that is that not all of these women may be women. Some of this stuff may truly be, and I don't think it's the majority. To be fair, I think a lot of this that you're seeing certainly the people you're meeting and you're talking to that longer term those are going to be actual women who are running the scam. Those are going to be actual women who are running the scam. Let's be clear that some of this is definitely like organized crime type scam where they're just kind of hitting you up for as much as they can get and everyone. They're pretending to be women because they're going after men, because they know that they can identify, you know, lonely men who are vulnerable, and they're going for that.
Speaker 1:It is the minority, I would imagine I, I would say, like you know, even those type of um, you know it's usually the same thing, like uh. If it's like you know, like the random guy who is trying to get uh again, they're gonna go for as much money in the shortest amount of time because eventually you know the guy is going to want to see.
Speaker 1:Like you know, like uh, like video, facetime or whatever yeah, and then it's up, so you just gotta like get it out yep, and so you know, but the the thing is, you know again, like a lot of these, you know, women, women are, you know like, uh, you know, like you know again, this is a full-time job for them, so they're talking to. You know, like, maybe you know 15, 20, 30 other guys.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And kind of like for the. You know, eight hours throughout the day you try your best to figure out if this is a scam or not. You look up and they have like a legit phone number. You've seen them, you've actually talked to them real briefly, so you know, you know what you're getting is true. And then, like you know, like feelings develop, you know things like that, and then, as feelings develop, the price goes up and up. As feelings develop, the price goes up and up. And that's where, like eventually, like my dad who has cancer now, and you just need $100 to buy this medication that the PA is not providing, and yeah, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, that's some toxic shit right there.
Speaker 1:So on our scale of toxicity, where would you place this? Would you place this as a green potato, where it is All you have to do is just cut off the greenness and you have yourself a nice potato. But eat the green. It's going to make you sick. Is this a death cap, where you have a 50 50 shot of living through it, or not? Or is this a antifreeze? Where is it? The lifeful last meal?
Speaker 2:so by this I want to clarify that we're talking not about only fans, the website or people women who are on OnlyFans legitimately. We are talking about women who are using OnlyFans, or using dating websites in general, in a malicious and scammy way to get money from men dishonestly, to pretend to be offering companionship, pretending to be offering love, when in fact all they want is money. This is not a. I am selling hot photos of me and you know full damn well that you give me $20, you get 10 photos. This is a. You think that you were getting maybe some hot photos and some text messages and maybe you'll develop into something else. I've kind of left that open. I don't know. Could we? You're really kind of cute and you're paying $20 for that, because there's this like bigger idea that that is what we're talking about here. Is that those that scam of using of, of holding out the carrot of love in front of you and using it to get money, I would say am I correct in that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would say go ahead.
Speaker 2:I'm going to say this is a high death cap. I was debating if I wanted to say it's antifreeze and I could be convinced that it was antifreeze, because actually I'm talking myself into antifreeze right now.
Speaker 1:I love how we do this.
Speaker 2:As soon as you start talking, you're like wait, I didn't think this through all the way. I would be convinced that, actually, that this is Anna freeze, because there's nothing good about there's no way you can spin this and say, oh, they didn't mean to. Oh, you know it's, you know it may be hurtful, but it was well-intentioned, or something that these are people who are knowingly using something that's very, very important and very, very close to our you know hearts, and that that's very, very important and very, very close to our hearts and that affects emotions to get money out of you. This is not just a basic scam where they're like well, put solar panels on your roof and then they charge you extra for it. That's bad enough. Those are shitty, shitty people.
Speaker 2:But promising someone love, pretending that you're interested in them and then putting them in a very compromising situation knowingly, like knowingly doing this, putting them in that compromising situation where they feel like they have no choice but to pay you or continue to pay you, to loan you that money, because you've hit that really soft nerve of something that is super, super important to them, because you purposefully got information out of them to find this out. Like you said, you know the oh, my dad has cancer type shit, when obviously that's not the case and they were literally saying that because you mentioned that this had happened to you. That's, I feel like I've said this like six times during the episode, but it's gross.
Speaker 2:It's disgusting, like it's. There's nothing redeeming about that in any sort of way, so I would I would say that these people qualify as anna freeze yeah, I, I.
Speaker 1:I think that one of the biggest things is that, okay, onlyfans by itself, onlyfans itself, the ones who are just selling the pictures. I would put that as a green potato with most of the green shaved off.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't even say that's a green potato, because you know what you're getting. Like if they're doing it honestly, they're going on there and they're saying for X amount of money you get X, y, z and it is your choice 100% to say do I want that or not? Now the ones who are advertising it in sketchy ways on like Instagram and stuff, I think that's green potato because it's like did you have to advertise it like that by playing on people's emotions and expectations?
Speaker 1:I I will. I I think that that is you know like okay. So the one that I absolutely loved was midget only fans uh, oh, my god, you sent me that one. Where you know. You just saw, you know I'm 3'11".
Speaker 2:Would you date me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So absolutely nothing about OnlyFans. The only reason why I went into it was to send you the picture, to show you the, the links and everything like that.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:But again, to a guy who you know is like, you know, like, oh my gosh, you know, like comments underneath I like shorter women because blah, blah, blah. That's now you're hooking them in.
Speaker 2:As long as you don't interact with that, I think it's okay. If a dude is commenting and being like oh I love the tiny ladies and you're like and I love Mia, and you've looked at his profile photo and you're like a big, strong man with tattoos and a scraggly neck beard, that is going into the scammy territory and that is going into the toxic territory. If you are just posting and you're like all right, I'm on instagram and you can tell pretty quickly from her page like where she would like you to go. Even though there's like no revealing photos or anything like that, you can sense it. I think that in and of itself, is okay. If you keep it like that, if you are not advertising, if you are not posting raunchy photos explicitly within other videos, like we've talked about before, that's okay. As soon as you start interacting and making it seem like you were interested in that person to pull them in so that they will then pay money, it gets into a gray area and that's kind of like.
Speaker 1:So the one thing I do want to say, though, is that one of the biggest reason why I do think that this is like an antifreeze uh so that that girl that I was telling you about earlier, where she said that, well, all guys use women for sex, so therefore, why not use them for money? The problem with that, though, is the fact that you're going for the wrong guy. You know, the guy who just wants sex is going to be your tater tots, your tater tots and I mean if, unfortunately, doing this uh podcast, you know, I've listened to tater tot, and he doesn't believe in spending money on women, because women are just sexing or sex toys. So why, why would I even bother spending money on a sex toy? So, by trying to get even with men just because all they wanted is sex? Well, tater tot is the one who only wants sex, the one who's actually paying out money, is the one who's looking for love, relationships and things like that.
Speaker 2:I mean an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth leaves the whole world hungry and blind. So it's not. It's it's tempting to go that way. I mean, I am also a big fan of the. When they go low, I go low too. I am not michelle obama type mindset, like sometimes we can't, we can't be michelle all the time, okay, but there's a time and place for that. And if you get into that mindset of like, well, they're doing shit things, so I'm going to do shit things, you haven't solved the issue at hand, you haven't made anything better and, if anything, you've just contributed to the problem and made it that much worse, because now it's a well, you just use us for money. Well, you just use us for sex. Well, you just use us for sex. And everyone's pointing to the other one and it's kind of true so, yeah, yeah, so yeah, uh.
Speaker 1:Another antifreeze uh on our, uh, on our board. So let us know what you think. Where would you place this on have? Do you have any stories? Uh, please feel free to write us at toxic, at awesome life skillscom. We have social media that we barely post on, but we do have, uh, social media that we are trying to get better at, if you post, we'll see it if you comment.
Speaker 2:maybe that would are trying to get better at. If you post, we'll see it If you comment, maybe that would encourage us to post more. Speaking of scammy behavior and manipulation.
Speaker 1:Rate us and comment on our page, and this way we can get more people out there.
Speaker 2:And let us know if you have any ideas of things you would like us to talk about, any great toxic behaviors that you've run into. We'd love to hear them.
Speaker 1:So thank you so much for listening. I hope you have a wonderful week and we'll see you next week. Bye, bye, bye.
