Toxic Cooking Show
Misogyny, $800 first dates, simps, and high-value women: Social media has been busy cooking up and feeding us an addictive but toxic slurry of trends over the past few years. Here at The Toxic Cooking Show we're two friends dedicated to breaking down these trends, terms, and taunts into their simplest ingredients to understand where they came from and how they affect our lives. Join us each week as we ponder and discuss charged topics like personal responsibility and "not all men" before placing them on our magical Scale O' ToxicityAny comments or topics you want to hear about write to us at toxic@awesomelifeskills.com
Toxic Cooking Show
The Psychology Behind Mixed Signals and Romantic Boundaries
Ever wondered why the "nice guy" often finishes last in relationships? On this episode of the Toxic Cooking Show, we unravel the complex balance between safety and excitement that women seek from men. Through personal stories and professional insights, we take a closer look at the misunderstood concept of safety and how it can sometimes lead to the friend zone. We'll explore why being overly safe might be too vanilla and how niceness, although a virtue, can sometimes get you labeled as a simp.
Navigating the maze of mixed signals and boundaries is no easy task, but we're here to help. By sharing real-life experiences from dating websites, we highlight how persistence can pay off despite the frustration caused by ambiguous communication. We dive into the psychology behind learned behaviors with relatable anecdotes, like a child repeatedly touching a hot iron or a boy manipulating his parents with tantrums. This discussion sheds light on the crucial role of consistency in both pursuing and rejecting romantic interests.
We also examine how societal expectations shape male emotional development, particularly during transformative experiences like military training. Discover how these expectations can impact relationships and the importance of understanding individual needs and boundaries. Using an analogy with plants, we illustrate how recognizing these differences can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Join us as we break down these themes and offer practical insights to enhance your romantic interactions, ensuring you communicate clearly and respect boundaries.
Hi and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we break down toxic people to their simplest ingredients. I'm your host, christopher Patchett LCSW, and here with me is my lovely co-host.
Speaker 2:Lindsay McLean.
Speaker 1:So today we are going to talk about what a girl wants.
Speaker 2:Oh, this is exciting Coming from the male perspective.
Speaker 1:So this actually comes from a very, very close friend of mine. Uh, I've known this person for about 14 years.
Speaker 2:I've known her since temple university uh-huh she does she live in france she lives, yeah, yeah, yeah wow, wow, that's cool. It's almost like her name might be Lindsay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, actually Lindsay.
Speaker 2:McLean, I think I know her.
Speaker 1:So we have conversations every now and then. You know outside of this, and rightfully or wrongly you know, a lot of times we talk about like just what we're talking about here, which is one of the reasons why we do have the Toxic Cooking Show, and so we were talking about the man versus bear debate.
Speaker 2:Ah, yes, I remember this. It wasn't quite a fight, but it got heated, it got heated.
Speaker 1:It got real heated and I will say I'm still not to where you think I should be at when I know in my heart of hearts you should be at. I'm going to get you there, you'll understand, but I do think that one of the things that was kind of brought up during this whole debate that we were having was one of the things that I had said was that once I hear the words, I feel safe with you. I already know that I'm in the friend zone.
Speaker 2:Right, right yeah.
Speaker 1:And so one of the things I was kind of saying to you is that you know most women they do want to feel safe, but safety is kind of vanilla.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to start off this episode with this disclaimer, which is always good to have a disclaimer at the beginning.
Speaker 1:There are two extremes to everything. There is the extreme of being too safe where you are not. If somebody is being too safe, they're never going to get out of their comfort zone. They're going to be the type of person that will never strive to better themselves. They are never going to ask for a pay raise, they're never going to go out and try to venture out and try new things. Then there is the other extreme of tater tot.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think that everything, there is no such thing as an extreme, a healthy extreme of anything.
Speaker 2:No, of course, Because I mean, this is one of those things people say oh, you know, this food is super good for you. Apples, Apples are really good for you. Okay, if you eat like 50 apples, you're not going to feel too hot. You can have too much of a good thing.
Speaker 1:Right. So by no means am I ever going to say throughout this whole episode that if a girl doesn't like, you know the extreme of this, that they deserve the extreme of that.
Speaker 2:Right, I did teach you that much.
Speaker 1:Or it could be the many, many years of social working that I've seen these things.
Speaker 2:No, that's true.
Speaker 1:So when I kind of brought that up about like you know, the safety and being too vanilla, you kind of said, yeah, yeah, I don't want that vanilla One. What I want to do this episode is I kind of want to break down a lot of the things that we've heard as men of what a girl wants, and kind of bringing those down of what. What do women actually want?
Speaker 1:okay, I'm here for this like I said, one of the first things I, just as I was saying at the very beginning, where I I was at a concert and there was a guy who was kind of being a creeper, and you know I'm sitting down, I'm talking to this girl and you know she looks over and she's like, oh God, there's this creeper again, like you know, like he's been following me around and so I kind of stepped in and I was just like you know, like you know, like hey, what's going on, man? And just kind of like you know talking to him and just kind of like saying like you know, like you know, kind of making my presence known. So this way, you know, hopefully he would just kind of like see the point that I'm talking to this woman, that you probably shouldn't be creeping around because she's involved, she's engaged with somebody here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're not wanted.
Speaker 1:Right. So the guy does get the point. He, you know, finally kind of like walks off and then you know he's probably creeping somebody else or whatever. He's drunk, whatever, you know he doesn't seem harmful. You know he goes back out into the crowd and you know, when I turned over to this girl, like you know, she says to me she's like oh my god, I feel so safe with you here. And to me, like I said, as soon as I hear I feel safe with you here, I hear, I hear you make a good friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in that instance. Yeah, yeah, I was. I was trying to reason it out in my head and be like, but maybe, and I don't see it.
Speaker 1:So safety, but not too safe, yeah. So so we'll, we'll, we'll. We'll have all the opportunities here in a little bit here. So the other thing that I constantly hear from women is you know, oh, I just want a nice guy. As a guy you know I am, I would definitely place myself on the nice list.
Speaker 2:I would place you on the nice list too. For what it's worth, that's two of us, Thank you, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:But then again you kind of look at where do the nice guys fall. Well, we hear all the time nice guys finish last. We hear things like know, things like that, where you know if a guy is too nice, again you know vanilla. You know if a guy is too too nice, then you got your, your simps, and so then on the other end of the spectrum, then you have your tater tots.
Speaker 2:So when a woman says I want a nice guy, I want a nice guy with a little bit of edge.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because personally I can't speak for all women because we are not a monolith, even though sometimes I do take on that responsibility. Sometimes there is a fear that the guy who is really nice is simp nice and you can't always tell immediately. And so I've definitely been in situations where you're talking to somebody and I was at the birthday party recently and talking to this guy and he was definitely giving off nice guy vibes and mentally there was a part of me that was like, should I find a reason to go talk to somebody else? Where is this going to go? And in that case it was fine.
Speaker 2:I think he was just a little bit anxious because he didn't know many people there, and once he and I got into a conversation he chilled out and was like, oh, you are truly just a nice person and we can have a great conversation now and then both go over our separate rays and it's fine. That may be part of that. I would like to to offer that up is that there is a bit of a fear, that nice guy, how nice, and what type of nice are we talking?
Speaker 1:we talking like nice, nice or are we talking like smarmy simp nice I I think that you know, you are kind of able to see, like the simp nice versus nice nice, pretty quickly, considering the fact that, like the simp is going to be the type of man who oh my God, I can't believe that you're talking to me.
Speaker 2:So you know, like yeah, that one comes across really quickly and you're like, oh bad vibes.
Speaker 2:It's the one who's like not that far along, who's just kind of who's moving in that direction, where sometimes it's like are you truly trying to be nice? You know we're working in, this is not my native language here. Am I like maybe missing some stuff? Where are we? And so for me, certainly in that case it can take a little bit of chatting to be like oh okay, I think this is where you are, or I think you know you're up here and you're moving towards simp land or something and then there's also I want a guy who is trusting.
Speaker 1:Oh you look at that's an interesting one. I've never heard that before you don't want a guy that that trusts you, who's not constantly asking you like where are you at tonight? Who do you hang with?
Speaker 2:I guess I've never dated somebody who did that.
Speaker 1:I mean, there are a lot of men that are like that, Like who are you hanging out with?
Speaker 2:Who are you talking to? Who are you talking?
Speaker 1:to Let me see your phone Shit like that, yeah, and that's the other extreme of like the tater tots. Yeah, like that, yeah, and that's the. That's the other extreme of like the tater tots, yeah. But you know, at the same time, like I've worked with people not fully into the simps but let's say, from our simp episode we kind of said that there is different levels of simps. Yeah, and cuckold is just above the simp, and and I have worked with people like that where I I've I've wanted to scream at the person and be like dude, girl's cheating on you, like flat out fucking, she's cheating on you, like so it's kind of like that whole thing where, like you know, like a guy needs to be trusting but how trusting must this guy be, you know? And trusting to the point where girl is obviously cheating on him and he's just like, oh, everything's cool, everything's fine he's just out with her male friends.
Speaker 2:I'm such a good boyfriend Like she can have as many male friends as she wants and it's her.
Speaker 1:Oh no, and here is one of the scary ones Boundaries. Oh dear, I'm going to send you a video.
Speaker 2:Okay, oh, is this going to be with the power of editing? Are you going to add it into this one?
Speaker 1:So okay. So if you hear the actual video, I did learn how to edit this in. If you don't hear the video and I was describing it, then you you know that I still have some editing, uh, skills left to do.
Speaker 2:That's a good way to put it. So I actually how are you sending it to me?
Speaker 1:Via phone Instagram.
Speaker 2:Oh, not this lady.
Speaker 1:So, just in case I can't get this in Uh-huh Video I just showed. If you can hear this, this is me still needing to learn how to edit, but the video that I just sent was this woman talking about how she had a guy come over. No, no.
Speaker 2:She went on a date with a guy and she went back to his place and she had already told him I'm not gonna sleep with you. And he said okay, and they went back to his place and they didn't have sex and he didn't even try anything and she was big mad she was a bit mad.
Speaker 1:She said that uh, I felt ugly that. Uh, what is wrong with this guy for not trying trying anything with me?
Speaker 2:yeah, and she vaguely, like she knew. She started off like I know I'm part of the problem, but then went on to say all of this stuff it's we've said this before. When people say no homo, but that type of thing, you know whatever is about to come out their mouth. You know not to be racist. Something racist, something real fucking racist, is about to come out of your mouth. That is the vibes I got from this.
Speaker 1:She knew, she knew she was the problem and there was another video that you had shared with me a long time ago where it was the woman kind of saying how she felt that there was nothing between them, that they should just be friends and everything like that, and then she got upset that he didn't continue chasing her. That's where, again, this becomes very dangerous.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Men, you know if a woman says no, a woman says no Flat out. You know if a woman says no, a woman says no Flat out. But on the other hand, like you know, like women, if you're saying no, you need to stick with no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can't be sending mixed signals like this, like saying you know, I don't want you to do something and then, when you don't do that, I get upset at you, but we don't know. Stop.
Speaker 1:But also on. You know, and here's kind of the thing you know, like I, the reason why I kind of bring these things up I, I remember there have been a few times where, uh, on dating websites and everything like that, where I had wrote a message to somebody, didn't get a response, write them again, write them again and then finally, like after the third or fourth try, they're like, hey, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and we ended up going on dates and you know there was one that, uh, we were in a relationship for a good couple of months and you know, this is kind of the thing is that there was a video that you sent me that I fucking love and it's like I, you know, I kind of he was, he was talking as if messages, you know, and it's like, hey, hey, I remember this one.
Speaker 2:We quoted this to each other for quite a while.
Speaker 1:And the reason why, like you know, like okay, so again you know, if men are getting these types of messages where I don't want a guy who is like this but I want a little bit of it, you know. And again you know, this is where why I kind of said at the beginning like there's two extremes to everything. But I mean especially when you're talking about, like you know, like boundaries, and I've gotten down to the point where I hate being that guy. I don't like being the guy that's like hey, hey, how's it going? Hey, ha, ha ha, nice Hi.
Speaker 2:It sent me, because we all know that person, the one who's just like there and you're like. Have you not gotten the message?
Speaker 1:But you know. But at the same time, like you know and you know I have done that in the past and, like I said, I've ended up going out on dates with the person that I did that with. So, you know, you got to figure, like you know, as far as, like you know, humans, the way that we learn. I always kind of think of it this way that when I dated a girl, she had two kids and I've talked about this story before, where it was kindergarten graduation, and she's ironing out his pants and she unplugs the iron and she says you know, don't touch this, it's hot. And so the five-year-old what does he do? Touches the iron. You know, he's screaming bloody murder's screaming bloody murder.
Speaker 1:And we go running into the other room and he's crying, holding his hand, and you touch the iron, don't you? Yes, are you going to do that again? No, and we, as humans, we kind of go with a thing that works or things that don't work and also things that do work, and we say, okay, this doesn't work. You know, like I just burned my hand. It fucking hurts. I'm not going to touch the next thing, that's hot.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Also, we learned you know by doing something or doing something. You know by doing something or doing something. If you know, if I were to go up to a woman and say you're an ugly bitch and I get slapped across the face.
Speaker 2:I fucking deserved it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and chances are I probably won't do that again. But also on the flip side of it is, if a guy does do the repeated messages and oh, thank God, like you know, like he, he really showed interest and he really like pursued me, Now you're going to have that guy who's hey, how's it going? Nice, hey, hey.
Speaker 2:It is true, I mean people are animals. And it is true, I mean people are animals and you learn by what worked in the past. If it worked before, if you kept saying hey and finally you got a response, you will continue to keep doing it. When I was in Russia, one of the times I was there, I was working as a nanny and the family was atrocious, to put it nicely, and that kid had absolutely no boundaries whatsoever Because he knew that all he had to do this kid was five Like he was four and a half when I got there, and he already had it down pat.
Speaker 2:He would do something wrong, he would get fussed at, he would start blubbering and whining and doing this little like stompy stomp with his feet and he would get what he wanted. He knew he absolutely like. This had happened so many times that he knew that he just had to keep crying until he got the thing that had been ingrained in him. And so then when you hit somebody who it doesn't work with, then it's a problem, because then they don't know what to do. But yeah, I agree with you. Then when you hit somebody who it doesn't work with, then it's a problem, because then they don't know what to do. But yeah, I agree with you that when you have people who are sending these mixed messages, male or female, it can be really disconcerting to the other side to be like well, I thought I wasn't supposed to do that, but now you're mad at me that I didn't. But I wasn't supposed to, but I was what gives.
Speaker 1:You know we've talked before about like men's emotions. You know Shaquille O'Neal he was in an interview and oh, I just saw this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wish I was in the video for this.
Speaker 1:So he was kind of saying about how he told a woman once how he felt and that she ended up they got into an argument and she ended up throwing that against him and he said from that point on I decided I would never give her a show of emotions again which I would like to say is a bit of an extreme response.
Speaker 2:Because if every time something bad happened to you, if you just said I'll never do this again, like if every time you know you drove, or the first time that you drove and you had to slam on your brakes cause somebody you know was stopped in front of you or you got into a car accident, if you just said I'm never going to drive again, that doesn't make sense. Like we understand that that's an extreme response of you got into a minor fender bender one time and now you're like I shall never get behind the wheel of a car.
Speaker 1:You know what, actually, believe it or not. I've worked with a couple of people. People don't think of PTSD, they don't think of like accidents, but actually that can affect them, like that it can, and I'm sure that there are something big, I would understand.
Speaker 2:But in general, if I were to meet somebody who said, oh yeah, when I was 19, I got into a minor car accident and since then I can't drive, I never will drive, that's the type of thing that I'd probably encourage them to go see a therapist about. Maybe you want to talk to somebody because that's something that you could and should work through to have a normal life.
Speaker 1:And so, you know, same thing with boundaries is. You know this person that I showed you the video of? You know this, this person that I showed you the video of, if a guy go or a guy does go home with her and she says like, flat out, I'll come home with you, but we're not gonna have sex, and the guy says okay, and they go back, uh, to his place, and then all of a sudden, he, you know, starts uh, kissing her and then they start having sex. Okay, all I All I got to do is just, you know, push the boundary a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so he's going to do that the next time.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's that's where it becomes extremely dangerous, especially, you know, with all the other things that we kind of talk about, where, if a guy does try to be the safety type person and is careful of what he says and careful what he does to the woman, you've got to remember, like a lot of things that like a guy will pick up, is in high school Catholicism where we've talked about like emotions and things like that and how sports will kind of take away that that whole idea of like showing emotions and showing, like you know, the positive emotions. And you know that's also about the age of you know, 18 to 22, where men are going into the military and especially with military, you know know, break you down and build you back up. Well, were they building you back up with, not with, emotions?
Speaker 2:nope, don't need those on the battlefield so.
Speaker 1:so you do have men who are, uh, once they pass at 22 years of age, saying, okay, you know what? I know this is unhealthy. I need to try like a new way of life. And you know, all it takes is getting burned that one time and being the nice guy, or being the emotional guy or being, you know, the safety guy and seeing that okay. Well, you know, if I'm being safety or if I'm being emotional, if I'm being you know whatever, and I'm not getting with the girl what worked for me in the past? Well, dated a lot in high school. Yep, just going to go back to that.
Speaker 2:Or you see our beloved Tater Tot and you believe in him and it's like well, he's got all the chicks and he acts like a royal asshat.
Speaker 1:Therefore, if I act like that, I too will get all the ladies exactly so, you know, and that this is where kind of like the whole idea of like, well, you know, what do women want? Okay, you know what I understand. Uh, you know, like you do, you need to have like a little bit of adventure, you know. But making that clear of I want a guy who, who pushes himself uh into, like you know, trying new things, you know, rather than saying I want a guy who's safe and just leaving it at that yeah, I think the language needs to be more specific, like, instead of just saying oh, I like a guy who's fun, like, I like something it.
Speaker 2:it is true that it's better for everyone if you can go into the details sooner rather than later, and being like this is what I mean by. This is what I mean by fun, this is what I mean by adventurous. This is what I expect in terms of like, respect and boundaries and all of this type of thing Like the more you can put out there, the better it's going to be.
Speaker 1:Kind of going into that, like you know, like. So where do we go from here?
Speaker 2:So I'd like to give you an analogy. First, though, Okay.
Speaker 1:If you'll allow me, my boundary is saying yes.
Speaker 2:I have here two of my green children, ie plants. I know you have no clue what they are because you kill plants like it's your business. But for those of you who do like plants, this one is an orchid and this one is a Thanksgiving cactus. They're both plants, right? I see from your face that this information has just gone right in one ear, right out the other. That's okay.
Speaker 1:They're green things.
Speaker 2:Green things, green, fluffy things, cool, moving on. You could look at these and say, all right, they're two plants, not really big, nothing really special about them, no flowers, no crazy colors, anything like that. They're both inside. They're both sitting next to each other. Actually, this is where they live. Full time is in this one area, right in front of each other. They need very different things. Despite both being plants, despite both coming from tropical areas of the world, they have really different needs.
Speaker 2:So the orchid is in its little pot with orchid bark because it does not like to get too wet. It does like a decent amount of moisture to be coming in. It wants a moderate to fair amount of sunlight. It's actually not getting as much as it would like. Here I don't have any windows that get tons of direct sunlight. Sorry, bud, you got the wrong owner. It will flower, hopefully at some point Again.
Speaker 2:I bought it on sale when it was almost done flowering, maybe in a year or two if I'm lucky. But you know it. Just it kind of it chills here. This guy, the Thanksgiving cactus, needs more water than the orchid, more regular water than the orchid, because it is in regular potting soil. It's going to flower every year. To make it flower, I'm going to have to force it to go through a period of dark and cool and that will trigger the flowers on there. It wants the amount of sunlight it's getting. It's very happy with that. It wants regular amounts of fertilizer. The orchid wants a little more fertilizer. Where I'm going with this long-winded explanation is that while these are both plants, they have very different needs, and we can understand that as people who like plants. I should clarify, because I know you don't understand that how many plants did you kill that one time by overwatering them?
Speaker 1:$450 worth of plants.
Speaker 2:Oh my God. Yeah, my point. But that you can understand If I tell you, if I say this one wants to be watered twice a week, this one wants to be watered once a week, you can understand that they have different needs, right?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And you can also understand that during their growing periods the needs may change and they may say I want water and fertilizer and sun a whole lot more versus in the winter when it's cold and there's not a lot of sunlight and there's not much going on, and so you're not going to be watering them as much, right?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So having a system where you say I will always water this once a week can end very badly for the plant. I would encourage people to take this and put it on people that you have women and you know there are some women who are going to need and want different things than other women. And just because one thing has worked, you say well, I got this orchid and I've kept it alive so far and it's doing great. I'm just going to do the same thing with this Thanksgiving cactus Wrong. Now you have a dead plant.
Speaker 2:You have to try out different things while keeping the same basic ideas in your head, whatever is important to you. So I know, sticking with my plant analogy, that I liked water plants. Okay, I don't have cacti, I will kill them, I will absolutely drown them. So I don't buy those anymore because I killed way too many. You as the man, or you as the woman, should be aware of what your limits and boundaries are for things that you're okay with and as you are going out there and dating, keep that in the back of your head. When I go out and buy plants in the back of my head I'm like you can, you can't buy the cactus. It's cute, it's really cute. You're going to turn it into nasty mush in about two weeks because you've overwatered it again.
Speaker 1:Does that make sense? It makes sense, but you also got to look at it this way that with those plants you know exactly what to do Over time.
Speaker 2:I have learned that it's taken a little bit of trial and error.
Speaker 1:You also got to realize that. Okay, so with women you really have, let's say, a total of maybe a week of trial and error.
Speaker 2:This is true.
Speaker 1:From the time that you, you know, first contact them, you know, like on a website or whatever, to the first date, and then, if those needs are not fulfilled, then it's like okay, well, you know, it was a great day and everything. I just don't feel it, you know, bye-bye.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is true. It's not like with plants, where you can just keep trying and trying and trying and it's only your wallet that's like, please not the plant store again.
Speaker 2:I guess I would encourage people there going forward to keep in the back of your head what are your boundaries and limits? Are you okay texting somebody multiple times, and at what point are you going to say I'm not going to do this anymore? Sometimes just knowing what your boundary is helps you feel more secure. If you say I will text somebody up to three times with no response and after that I'm out, then you can just be kind of sitting there and looking at and keeping that in mind and be like, hey, I've messaged her once, twice, I haven't heard anything. Should I do it again? Should I not? What do I do? And if you've already decided in your head three times done, then it may give you that confidence to say I'm going to write one more time and if I don't get a response, I have tried and I can move on.
Speaker 2:Um, for the the men's side of this type of thing, for the women's side going forward, absolutely do not be like the woman in the video. Do not send the mixed signals, because you wouldn't want that for yourself, you. You don't want a guy sending mixed signals. So why are you sending mixed signals?
Speaker 1:and that's that's the biggest thing that it comes down to, is the fact that you know you do need to have, if you are having expectations, making those expectations clear, and I I think that, that, as we were kind of saying before, like with communication, having having that knowledge of exactly what are you looking for. So, uh, I want a guy who is safe and just leaving it at that. No, because now, now, now you're getting that, the vanilla safe guy, I, I like a guy who won't, uh, put me down and is up for trying new things. Okay, so you're naming you where your safety is, but you're also saying I want somebody that will push themselves to try new things. You're, you're giving an exact definition of what safe is for you. So, and then again, with boundaries like boundaries are boundaries for a reason- yeah.
Speaker 1:If you're saying to a guy that I just don't feel it, you know you have to stick with it.
Speaker 2:You do, and it's uncomfortable sometimes, but you got to because otherwise you're just part of the problem of going back into this. Well, I wasn't really interested, but I slept with him anyway. Okay, you probably should have tried to tap out of this before it got to that point, since you were clearly already feeling not interested. It's not always possible, but I think in many cases there's something that could have been done and you know it is it is perfectly fine to change your mind.
Speaker 1:So if you are saying something along the lines of like I, I I'll come over over, but no sex tonight, perfect, you mentioned your boundaries. If later on in the night you're staying up, you're talking and you really feel it being like you know what, I really like you, I see this going somewhere and I really Fine, perfect, you can change your mind.
Speaker 2:But you have to communicate that.
Speaker 1:Right, perfect, you can change your mind, but you have to communicate that Right. So on our scale of toxicity, where would you place this? Would you put this as a green potato, where it makes you a little sick but it's not really going to affect you all that much? Would you call this a death cap mushroom, where you have a 50-50 shot of it killing you? Or would you say that this is an antifreeze, where it's a delightful last meal?
Speaker 2:I am going to say this is two death cap mushrooms, because while the problem itself, like that video itself, is a very small sliver, it's just like a snapshot of the whole thing. I think that it can lead to bigger problems very quickly. This is the type of video that feeds and gets repurposed. I bet the original video has like two views and everyone has just been like stitching it and commenting on it and doing all of that since then. That has triggered this.
Speaker 2:I've noticed that a lot with videos that you'll see, like the red flag guy or something who does his video, and if you ever look at the original video it's not that popular, but enough people saw it and then it gets gets shot to virality through other forms.
Speaker 2:That is the type of thing that feeds into this perception by men of like, oh see, women don't know what they want. Women say one thing and mean something else. Women are super shallow, me, me, me, me, me. Because, yeah, if you're already starting to feel that way and then you see this, as we've talked about, on our toxic platforms, it just reinforces your feelings that women are these shallow, horrific creatures who don't know what they want and just try and have sex with them anyway, because they all secretly want it, and I think that that is a really bad message to be putting out onto the internet or just putting out in general. We don't need to be putting that out there, there's already enough of it. And so I think this is not knowing what people want, not communicating what we want and having these kinds of like weird double standards or going back on what we said.
Speaker 2:That's, that's, it's not antifreeze levels toxic, because some of that's to be expected. You might kind of say one thing and be like actually, I realized it's not quite like that, but it's still pretty fucking toxic. How do you feel about it?
Speaker 1:I would actually have to agree. I think that it's probably a. I would say it's a death cap plus.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Just because of the fact that I mean depending on how far the guy will take things. It's it's going to, especially when you talk about boundaries.
Speaker 1:Boundaries are boundaries for a reason yeah and if you are seeing, if you're an andrew tate who sees like you know, like, oh well, you know, boundaries don't matter to me, and you already have that belief that that boundaries don't matter, then that is going to play into the very um sexual harassment and shit like that for most men. I I think that most guys are going to understand the difference, but it is still going to be that whole idea of like, well, maybe I should test boundaries.
Speaker 2:It opens up that door of. When you see something like this, you're like, ah, but with her it would have worked. So maybe I should start doing this too, because think about all the lost opportunities I had. I was being a nice guy. I could try.
Speaker 1:I had, I was being a nice guy, I could try. And I do think, as far as you know a lot of things with you know the a lot of the things I hear like women complaining about with men are kind of set off with these types of uh you know like unclarity.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So you know, just like I said, there was a point that I did the hey, hey, how's it going? Ha ha ha. But the thing is, you know, just as you said, like I finally got down to the point where I was like I don't want that. I hate being that guy Because, yeah, it might work for, let's say, 20% of the women, but to me I feel kind of gross when I do that. So that's just not my game. But you are going to have a good majority of men who that's worked 20% of the time. So now the other 80% of women who don't want that are now getting their DMs filled in with hey, hey, hey, you know it reminds me of dogs.
Speaker 2:You know when you have a dog and you accidentally drop something on their head while you're cooking, or you give them a special treat, and then they're like forevermore. In this spot I found the Pop-Tart August 6th, 6th, 1995. I shall always stop and sniff here, or whatever it is. They just in their head, it's ingrained. It's like one time I sat and I got a treat, so like if I sit here again I'm gonna get another treat. Right, it's been years. It's been years since this has happened.
Speaker 1:They're like treat years since this has happened. They're like treat.
Speaker 2:Treat that is man, but I mean if a dog is getting a treat there 20 of the time, then yeah, it doesn't have to be 20 of the time. That's the thing is. It happened once and they're like this was so great, it's the best day of my life. I ate that whole pop tart, you know.
Speaker 1:Looking at actually now with that perspective, I'm like, all right, I have a little bit more sympathy for the guys who like, but it worked once but also imagine that that pop tart is also sex sex pop tart yeah yeah, never mind, I'm nope, nope yeah, I get it now so if you have any comments or anything that that drives you up the wall, that men do or that women say that they want, please feel free to write us at toxic, at awesomelifeskillscom, and look us up on social media. We have X Threads, instagram, tiktok, facebook so please feel free to reach out to us by any means or follow us there too.
Speaker 1:We like that so, please, I'm looking forward to seeing you all again next week. This has been Christopher Patchett at the Toxic Cooking Show and we'll see you later.
Speaker 2:Bye, bye, thank you.
