Ever found yourself chuckling at the wisdom buried within Urban Dictionary? That's where we kick things off, unraveling the fabric of 'alpha widows' and 'hypergamy' with humor yet a keen eye on their serious repercussions on modern dating and self-worth. Our latest episode peels back the layers of these potent social dynamics, as we navigate a world where rating human desirability, albeit controversially, can influence our relationships and personal growth.
Rounding off, we question whether an obsession with a past high-status partner truly makes one an 'alpha widow,' or if it's an unhelpful label that distracts from deeper relationship issues. Through personal anecdotes, we highlight the importance of intellectual matchmaking, and playfully assess the toxicity of the 'alpha widow' phenomenon on a scale from 'green potato' to 'antifreeze.' It's a candid look at the ties that bind us to our past and the quest for meaningful connections in the tapestry of life.
Ever found yourself chuckling at the wisdom buried within Urban Dictionary? That's where we kick things off, unraveling the fabric of 'alpha widows' and 'hypergamy' with humor yet a keen eye on their serious repercussions on modern dating and self-worth. Our latest episode peels back the layers of these potent social dynamics, as we navigate a world where rating human desirability, albeit controversially, can influence our relationships and personal growth.
Rounding off, we question whether an obsession with a past high-status partner truly makes one an 'alpha widow,' or if it's an unhelpful label that distracts from deeper relationship issues. Through personal anecdotes, we highlight the importance of intellectual matchmaking, and playfully assess the toxicity of the 'alpha widow' phenomenon on a scale from 'green potato' to 'antifreeze.' It's a candid look at the ties that bind us to our past and the quest for meaningful connections in the tapestry of life.
Hello and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we break down toxic people into their simplest ingredients. I'm your host for this week, lindsay McLean, and with me is my wonderful co-host.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Christopher Patchett, LCSW.
Lindsay McClane:Look at him, go. So we are taking another topic this week. That was a suggestion, actually, by one of your friends on Facebook. Look at you. This week we will be talking about the alpha widow. Have you heard this term before?
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :I only heard it through you and I did really good trying not to look it up.
Lindsay McClane:I'm proud of you. It's hard right when you see it and you're like I could. Wikipedia the alpha widow is pretty self-explanatory on the surface, and when I originally started looking at this topic, I was like we might need to kind of like bundle this into something else because it seems like something really small. Then, as I was doing the research and you and I talked about it a little bit, we realized that there was actually a lot more to it than what it may just look like on the surface. If you go to Urban Dictionary, which is the number one source for us for this podcast, I trust it more than anything else.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Wikipedia, Urban Dictionary.
Lindsay McClane:Well, because Urban Dictionary A, it will tell you, like the date that somebody put something in which is helpful for kind of placing stuff, like when was this becoming a thing? Like when did somebody make this definition that we've all now agreed is like the definition for alpha widow or whatever, so it is helpful for that, and in this case, it's 2017, which was a lot older than I thought it would be. But, in any case, the alpha widow is a woman, usually with an average sexual market value, also known as SMV, who sleeps with a high sexual market value man, aka the alpha male, who does not wish to have a long-term relationship with her. The woman views the alpha male as what is a sexual market value SMV men, making her a quote, unquote widow in the sense to the original alpha male.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :What is a sexual market value?
Lindsay McClane:Sexual market value is the idea that everyone that is dating, or just everyone who exists probably, to be honest, has a value that we place upon them as to how much they are wanted, value that we place upon them as to how much they are wanted. So it seems to be that in general, for women so men looking at women it is highly dependent on appearance, way less dependent on other things like intelligence or any of that. That seems to take like a distant second place, Whereas for women there seems to be more of a combination of looks, of intelligence, of other things that kind of all go in together to create somebody who is wanted versus somebody who is not wanted.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Okay, okay, I'll buy into that.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah. So it's kind of like a rubric, I would say, Of course. I mean people aren't literally sitting there with a little checklist rubric that they have. Okay, yes, On the attractive scale of one to five, we have four like meets most expectations. I doubt people are actually doing that. If you are, I'm a little worried. Please seek help. This is not how we date that idea. In and of itself, I think is actually pretty normal that we place people on this scale.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Yeah, I think so to a degree. I think that even when I'm talking to you or something like that, where I say, oh yeah, you know, I met this girl and she checked off all the boxes, so I'll be like, oh yeah, you know, like she's cute, she's funny, she's intelligent, but I won't place like an actual value on it you on it.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah, and I mean again, of course, this is the internet, so you will see that sometimes, where people are really pushing to like give it a number, give people a number, and I think that's not a good thing to do, I know that's shocking please don't rate people like directly on the scale but, yeah, everyone with like in their heads.
Lindsay McClane:You have your rubric that you're looking at and you're like right, this is somebody who's, you know, really attractive and this is somebody who is not really attractive. Now, in this case, I think it's a lot more superficial the way this is looking at it, and I'll get to this a little bit later. I think men and women have different ways of looking at alpha, widows and sexual market value, and there's actually another term that rolls all of this up much better than those two, and that's hypergamy. This is when you marry up, ie choose a partner based on their higher social status, potentially at the cost of everything else. This is a concept we all know. This is something you see throughout history for a variety of reasons, that you don't want to marry somebody with less right. You always want to be moving up the social ladder of some sort.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :So one question what do you mean by giving up a lot in the process?
Lindsay McClane:So in this case for hypergamy, you mean.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Yeah.
Lindsay McClane:That is less so based on looks and more so I mean think back 200 years or something, where we're not talking peasants to nobility necessarily, but within nobility you might have somebody who has a higher status than you, and so it's. It was very attractive to try and marry up into that, because then you move up to that next level and then you would want your kids to move up. You know another level.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :You don't want your kids to go down and have less okay, I would just say that, uh, I know that I'm old and everything, but I can't think back 200 years ago only 44 only 44.
Lindsay McClane:Okay, I know it's. I mean to be fair. I mean you can still find it in tons of societies around the world today. Even in our society, there are a lot of people who, unfortunately, if they were presented with equal partners of like, you know, the looks are right, everything is right, and one of them has a fuck ton of money and one of them has no money, you know. Or one of them has, you know, social status. One of them has realism, you have something. They have higher social status. More often than not, people will go for that person over the one who doesn't have stuff.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Oh, and even in American society you're kind of thinking of the trophy wife type thing.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah, see, perfect example. You don't even have to think back 44 years.
Lindsay McClane:So it makes sense that we have this idea of wanting to marry up, whether it be for sexual market value, whether it be for social status, this is something that's really attractive. And I want to go off on a slight tangent here, because you always hear men complaining oh, women only want men who have lots of money, women only want men who have cars and houses and this, and that You're so materialistic. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you know why? Do you know why? Because there are reasons, and we'll go into this more in depth at another point. But for instance, in 1965, that was when the Supreme Court allowed for contraceptives to be used by more than just married couples. Before that, you had to be married to access contraceptives. 1971, we're getting real close to your birthday here. I hope you noticed that the Supreme Court outlaws the practice of private employers refusing to hire women with preschool-aged children. Before that, you could just not hire them.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Damn.
Lindsay McClane:That was the thing. 1974 was when women in the US could open a bank account on their own without their husband's signature. Technically, they'd been allowed to have bank accounts in the 60s, but in practice the banks required you to have a male sign on to the account with you 1974 patches.
Lindsay McClane:And your final sad fact is 1978, we have the Pregnancy Discrimination Act, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of pregnancy and childbirth, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of pregnancy and childbirth. Yes, there is a reason that women are looking for men who have money, jobs, cars. Like you want the dude to have the stuff because historically we have not necessarily had that or been able to get that on our own.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :So you needed that and and I'm sure like a lot of people are kind of thinking like, okay, well, that was then, this is now. But I remember when I was in russia and I remember being on the metro in russia and was this when you uh met your friend the police officer and almost got arrested oh god, yes, um. So if anybody goes out to russia or or any foreign country, a little piece of advice don't poke a police officer red badge because you're trying to say the word red. Those were good times.
Lindsay McClane:Good times almost getting arrested in fucking moscow, of all places I mean, I appreciate you making the effort to be like red, like this color, right here. How do you not understand me? But I can also see his point of view of like absolutely not.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Yeah, yeah. You just, you know, like looking down and just being like, oh my God, this guy is poking me in the shoulder for no reason, just screaming whatever. Yeah, Ah, me in the shoulder for no reason, just screaming whatever, yeah, ah, good times I. I. One of the biggest things I noticed when I was in the or on the metro was that it was almost wool, like you had both feet on the ground. You look straight down at the ground. You didn't talk to anybody, you just sat there and and you were focused on the ground. Yeah, and here I am american as all can be. I'd have my headphones in listening to like music rocking out and everybody else is just like yeah, good time sorry about this, but but the thing was.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Is that the reason why I found out is because it was soviet union propaganda that you didn't talk to anybody because the person next to you could be kgb. So it was better for you to stay silent, stay to yourself and not talk to anybody else, rather than it was like here in america where you can strike up a conversation with the person next to you yeah you know, you could sit there and say like ah, horrible weather, or whatever oh god, no, you can't do that in russia
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :no, even even though when I went to russia, communism had fallen 25 years prior, these values still transfer from what you know from parent to child. Yeah, and can imagine that if this was 1974, my mom would have been affected by this. My mom would have been able to get a credit card without my dad's signature because they were married in 69. So you know these values. Don't just like. You know, like, oh well, everything's good. Okay, you know, do whatever you want start to life.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah, I think people forget that. It's like we're raised by our parents shocking, I know, but that's who you're getting that advice from, like, oh, you need to find a man who will provide for you. That's something that, like, my parents never said that because they're not weirdos, but that wouldn't be uncommon to kind of get that feeling from someone, I mean. The other thing you have to think about too is that when women take time off for childbirth, you never make up that money that you lose. A, you're taking time off like in those years and you're not working and you're not earning that money. B even once your children are in daycare, they're in school, whatever. You are now behind. You were seen as less promotable. You've worked less hours you will never recover versus compared to like a woman who didn't have kids, and that's not even looking at the dudes, not even looking at the dudes. So, yeah, you take that hit. When you get married, when you start having children, you want to make sure that your husband is making money. Ah, yes, so for the alpha widows, though, because they're a little bit different from that, because, again, this is somebody who tried to do that but failed.
Lindsay McClane:And something to note here was when I was reading all these descriptions of the alpha widow. The main point seemed to be that it was a woman who hadn't chosen to end the relationship herself. She was abandoned, left, widowed, whatever you want to call it. It was ended on not her terms, and I think that is a key. That's not like you said. You know what. I thought you were cool and actually you're a dick. I'm going to walk away from this. It's. I really liked you, I really valued you. You didn't value me, you didn't value me, and now I'm left feeling like, oh, maybe I wasn't enough.
Lindsay McClane:I think that there are two kind of general types of alpha widows. You have the self-inflicted type, which actually, in most cases, when I was reading this online or reading about this online and browsing the Reddit boards, the women who identified like self-identified as this were not exactly dating quote unquote alpha men, which seems it's what you're supposed to be Because, again, alpha widow, you had an alpha male. He left you. In these cases, to be quite honest, it just seemed like the guy they were dating did something really well, like running cooking. Like the guy they were dating did something really well like running, cooking, something like that, and then when he broke up with her, she was big sad about that and had trouble letting go and felt like she had something to prove. Then went on this quest Like there was one woman who was talking about.
Lindsay McClane:Oh yeah, you know, my ex-boyfriend was a chef and he was really good at it and he left her for someone else and she identified as an alpha widow but felt like she still had something to prove. So she was like I went to pastry school. I was like, well, you know if that's what makes you happy, but I think that that problem could probably be solved a little bit by therapy. Maybe I chalk this one up to like low self-esteem.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :I think that low self-esteem could be a part of it. I think where, as you were kind of saying before about the rubrics, where somebody says that, oh well, the perfect man must be this, this, this and this, have this kind of income, have this kind of job, have this kind of athleticism or whatever you know for the person who was dating the runner.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :And kind of setting up that, whether it is on purpose, originally, or one of these things where, oh my God, I found the absolute perfect guy and he was this, this, this and this.
Lindsay McClane:Mm-hmm.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :And trying to find Brian.
Lindsay McClane:part two yeah, I think that is it where you've somehow ended up with this checklist that seems to be complete, and then the checklist gets burned and you're like no, no, no, no, I want it back. But it's still to me that does seem to be this victim mentality of I got left because I wasn't good enough. That seems to be a lot of it is. This was this perfect man, he was everything I wanted, but I wasn't good enough for him, and so now I'm perpetually striving to be good enough for him, it's like, but that's, that's done. He doesn't want you and, to be honest, he broke up with you. He doesn't deserve you, even if you know you. You magically better yourself, like you're better off spending your time. Yeah, yeah, take some time for yourself, better yourself, we can all stand to do that and then go back and date other people you just really hung up on, like you know, this one guy.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :I think that I mean we all kind of do that to a degree. Yeah, I mean especially like after you first break up with somebody, like what could I have done differently, what could I have said differently? First break up with somebody, like what could I have done differently, what could I have said differently, maybe starting to do those things of trying to better yourself for that person. But most of us after, like you know, like maybe a month or two, we'll kind of just be like, oh, dude or girl is fucking jerk. Anyhow, like fuck fuck that.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah, the first couple weeks you're like I should have done this. And then you calm down. You're like fuck them.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Better off like this anyway.
Lindsay McClane:And I think the other thing that feeds into this is a more general nastiness that I see on the Internet nastiness that I see on the internet and that is that the internet is so nasty towards women, especially single women, or women who stand up for themselves, or women who set boundaries and have standards. And the internet has this favorite taunt towards you. If you say no to a man, or if you've been rejected by a man for whatever reason, that's like oh, rejected by a man for whatever reason, that's like oh, you're going to be old and ugly. You're used goods now. You're too old to have kids. You're going to end up alone with 10 cats. You are worthless without this man.
Lindsay McClane:And obviously on a good day, most people can be like, yeah, fuck that shit. Or you know what, maybe I do want to have 10 cats. Who's going to stop me? Now, the crazy cat lady. But if you're in a position where you're not feeling good about yourself, where you've just broken up with somebody you've just been broken up with and it was this guy who you're like, wow, he was like really, really cool. And then you see this, it can be really hard not to internalize it and worry that it might happen to you, and I think that that puts this additional pressure on women to be like well, I had it once, like I reached that goal and now I have to reach it again, otherwise I'm worthless.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :You know. So this is something and I'm sure we're going to at some point. That should be our tagline, our official tagline.
Lindsay McClane:We'll talk about this another time, so true.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :But thinking back to okay, so like first thing that kind of comes to my mind is during covet times, and I remember where I want to get a haircut.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Became the, the, the rally call uh, yes it was a very small population of people, but they yelled the loudest. And I think that the internet is kind of this where, if you're only seeing all these horrible remarks, chances are it's a very small percentage of guys who actually think this way. Yeah and oh, you're gonna die. Men and women who, oh, you're gonna die as the crazy cat lady, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Chances are. In all reality it's probably a very small percentage, but if they're the only voices that are speaking up, then, yeah, you know it's gonna look like the majority of people think this way I agree with with that Mostly, I will say famous tagline here.
Lindsay McClane:This will come up at another point, I'm sure, but I've been on the receiving end of this where when you turn a guy down, where guys like they hit on you and you turn them down and it instantly into, well, fuck you, ugly bitch. You're like right, okay, three seconds ago it was hello gorgeous and we we just went like complete 180. I've been on the receiving end of that in person and over like messages oh, this is first time I get to see this.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :That's actually the next show that I'll be doing.
Lindsay McClane:Whoa, you mean it's not just some vague idea in the future that we're probably going to forget to do oh my.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :God, wow. You know, if we ever do merchandising, I think that that should be one of our first shirts. Is the toxic cooking show? We're working on it.
Lindsay McClane:That and sock girl. She should be our mascot.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Let me tell you about sock girl.
Lindsay McClane:So the the second type of alpha widows are the type that actually would not classify themselves, though, as an alpha widow. So the first type they say they take that upon themselves and they say I am an alpha widow. I dated the alpha male who was for me, the alpha male who had the high SMV sexual market value. I lost it. I want it again. This is the group of women who, men classify her as an alpha widow. They say you know, these women exist. They dated someone who was perfect and then, you know, when she got dumped, she's never been able to find it again and so they're placing their ideals on her. And you absolutely see this when you read articles that are written by men about alpha widows, because they'll say something like oh well, she had a male who had an smv of eight, she can't drop below that. I was like, right, yes, because I classify all my men on a scale of one to ten. Look, I've classified them by all sorts of things you know country of origin, type of job, amount of hair.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :But I have never, hey, hey, hey, the amount of hair. Oh, come on Fucking baldism.
Lindsay McClane:The last two I've dated Baldist. The last two I've dated have been bald. I want to point that out, so see.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Fucking bodist.
Lindsay McClane:But no sane person is going through. Like we said, you have this sort of mental internal rubric that you're like. I need you to check these boxes for us to be compatible. But I don't sit there with every man I've dated and like I don't know man. Smv of 7.2. I require at least a 7.63. Nobody does this.
Lindsay McClane:But, this is. I think this is men putting this on women as a way of protecting themselves. Now again, to give you some context about like the circles these type of people run in Reddit under r slash red pill women, that's where you find alpha widowhood. Yeah.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Urban dictionary widowhood. Um yeah, urban dictionary the rational malecom, oh god, because if you have to call yourself, rational?
Lindsay McClane:you definitely are rational. This is the type of dude who says that women are going around me like well, you know, I require at least an smv of eight because you're so rational.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Uh. So to everybody out there, if you have to call yourself rational, smart or or anything, if that is like a part of your, then chances are you're not what you're saying, you are.
Lindsay McClane:What man.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Oh God, the rational male yeah.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the type of guy and that's what I mean by. It's like men trying to protect themselves, it's trying to put the blame on women and being like, well, she won't date me because she dated this guy who was like super great before and he left her and so like she's widowed, she's used goods, she's hurt. You know, she's a broken woman. That's why she won't date me. No, she won't date you because you're shit. Work on yourself, like fix yourself here. And we're not just talking about looks. There's a lot more that goes into sexual market value and how people decide what is a good partner or not. You know.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Yeah. If you're having to write on the rationalmailcom and and you know that that's the thing that I was kind of saying about before is that, yeah, you know we all kind of do that, not to the degree of having like a rubix, but we all do the. They check the boxes, or you know, this is what I'm I'm kind of looking for, or something like that, and if your only box is whoa, she's hot. Maybe time to pump up your values there a little bit, yeah.
Lindsay McClane:Shockingly, though, many of the men that I have dated in the past, if you ask them and I did when we were dating be like what do you like about me?
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Like what is it that attracts you to me?
Lindsay McClane:it's your curly hair.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Look, there is like a really nice one today I was gonna say there's not a lot of bonus ones no, there's not, because I let it air dry until it stretched out.
Lindsay McClane:Sorry, no, they do not mention that, but they do mention, I think, of all the guys I haven't asked all of them, of the ones that I have asked, majority will start off like what do you like about me? And it's oh, I like, and it's looks. Then the second thing is that you take care of me. Those were the two biggest things that you take care of me. Those were the two biggest things that I would see every time that's like well, you know, I like that you cook, like I like you know you're cooking, you're good at this, I like your, you know, taking care of these things. You very rarely would hear them mention like, oh, I think you're smart.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Now, maybe it's because I'm not smart, you know, but I think that that's kind of like the thing that's dependent on the guy. So, looking at like my last last, like three girls that I, even four girls that I dated, let's see, two of them were lawyers, one was a doctor, one was a nurse.
Lindsay McClane:You have a type.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :So I mean, intelligence is is super, super, super important to me, because I see myself as a deep thinker and I absolutely could not be with somebody who is like, well, I like cheeseburgers. I mean not be with somebody who's like, well, I like cheeseburgers. I mean cheeseburgers are like really super good.
Lindsay McClane:I'd be like, oh my god, just get the fuck away from me no, it's true, and obviously not all men are like that, but I do think it's interesting that since I've started doing that to guys that I was dating, that seems to be a theme that they are more focused on the looks versus other stuff, and sometimes you would let them keep going and they would get to that and get like you know, oh, I think you're interesting to talk to, but you would always start off with the much more superficial stuff or the fact that you play mommy and you take care of me. Can you guess what I'm about to say? Next? It starts with that's a show for another time.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :I mean, I don't know. I think that there would definitely have to be something looked into all of that. But go ahead, go ahead. Yeah, I think that that's definitely a topic for for an upcoming show it's a much bigger topic.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah, new tagline, so yeah, I mean that that is the, the alpha widow she exists again. I was really shocked to find out that this term had been on urban dictionary since 2017, especially considering how more or less new the idea of an alpha male is. I mean, I guess that this idea has probably kind of like the idea of, like you know, the top dog dude has existed for way longer than we've had the term alpha male. I feel like this idea of a woman who was with someone or had the ability to be with somebody, who had standing whatever that be in the community and didn't make it work, and so now she she won't date anyone else, she won't marry anyone else has probably also existed for a while.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :I mean, as we kind of said in an earlier show, the term alpha male came about 2005-ish.
Lindsay McClane:True.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :So I think that this is just a different definition it just took 12 years for them. The alpha male beating your chest and things like that. And then there's the. Just took 12 years for the alpha male beating your chest and things like that. And then there's the personal alpha male.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah, so yeah. I mean, have you ever met somebody who you would now don't, don't do the dude thing and be like, well, her last boyfriend was an S and V8. But have you ever met somebody who you think was like an alpha female or, sorry, an alpha widow?
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :I can't think of anybody off the top of my head, but I mean I can see how that could turn into a thing just because of the fact that, like I said, we all do that to a degree. Usually it's only like three, six months, but I mean, if somebody is hung up on them doesn't go through that period of okay, well, you know what, fuck him, like he wasn't good enough for me then yeah, I can see that that would definitely be like an extreme of what we normally do.
Lindsay McClane:Yeah, yeah, I don't think I know anyone who I would classify as an alpha widow. I know people who have gotten hung up on a dude that they dated at one point and just haven't been able to move past it. It seems more like the women who call themselves alpha widow where it was just no offense, a dude who did something well that they really liked, Not the alpha man who's a manly man and mans around and is like a little Andrew Tate. Again, it was a dude one of them. She was so proud she was like oh, he was a runner and I got into running too and we ran in the same race and I did really well and I saw him.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :It's like, oh babe, please go get therapy I, I'm I'm gonna use that term for now on manning around so when you're like being a man and you're, you're doing manly things in your your manly way as a man next. Next time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm just manning around you know.
Lindsay McClane:But yeah, I mean, I don't think those friends would consider themselves alpha widows. I think it's like a lesser thing, was just like yeah, you know, maybe I acknowledge like I'm a little bit hung up on this guy and I really liked him, but would you consider him your alpha male that you'll never be able to get past? I don't think so. Who knows, is that very small group of people that's just like shrieking into the microphone and that's all you can hear on the internet is them? But they're not actually the majority of the population, they're just, they're really good. So it's difficult to see how big of an issue this actually is. But I mean, with that in mind, where would you rate this on our lovely scale of toxicity? Would you rate this as a green potato, something that will make you sick but it's not really going to do much more than give you a stomach ache? Is this a death cap mushroom 50-50 chance of death or coming out okay? Or is this our favorite delicious and deadly antifreeze?
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :I would definitely have to say that this is a high green potato just for the fact that this is something where I think it's such a small percentage of the population that actually goes through this. But it can be harmful, considering the fact that they are putting so much of their lives on hold just to regain something that they had once. And then also, on the same token, if, if people are kind of yelling this out, especially online and comments and things like that, and saying like, oh well, you're gonna be this, you're gonna be that, yeah, it's gonna, it's going to, it's going to affect you, it's going to make you feel down, depressed and everything like that, when you're already depressed about losing this. Quote unquote perfect person. So the only reason why I do keep it at a green potato is because I think that it affects such a small percentage of people.
Lindsay McClane:I would agree with you that it's green potato. It's a green potato. I speak good English, both because I don't think it affects a huge population and because I think it's the type of thing that you can come back from Even without therapy. I think just with a good group of friends they can talk you down from this and be like babe, you deserve better, you're fine. Maybe he was really cool, but you know what? You'll find another one. You'll be okay, have a little cry, have a couple glasses of wine. Let can get over.
Lindsay McClane:And some people probably would need therapy to really talk about it and to get through those feelings of like oh, this was somebody who I was really attracted to and I felt like this was my opportunity, and he left me and I don't feel adequate anymore. But I think that there are things that you can do on your own and with a little bit of help to get past this, so that it doesn't affect you. You can move on, because I do feel bad for the women who are hung up on it, who are stuck being like oh, you know, I'll never get someone that is good and so like, why bother dating? Yeah, that's, that's low self-esteem. It hurts, but you can move on, and you should move on, because he's not worth it move on, because he's not worth it.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :Move on, girlfriend.
Lindsay McClane:Yes. So if you have any stories of any alpha widows in your life, or if you know of the elusive alpha widow were, let us know. We'd love to hear about it. You can write to us at toxic, at awesome life skillscom. You can also find us on all of social media. We've got everything. We've got Facebook. We've got X slash Twitter. We've got Instagram. We've got tick tock. Do we have anything else? We don't have snap. Sorry, we can. Oh, we have threads. Thread. Look at that Five fucking places you, oh, we have threads. Look at that Five fucking places you can go. Follow us, please, do we love it?
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :We got all the goods.
Lindsay McClane:We do. I'm telling you we don't have Snapchat.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :I can't handle it no, no no.
Lindsay McClane:Sorry, snapchat, and if there's another social media platform that comes up, we're just going to have to draw straws over who takes control of that.
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :I hope it's you so for now this has been the Toxic Cooking Show.
Lindsay McClane:What is our new tagline?
Christopher D Patchet, LCSW :There'll be a show about that.
Lindsay McClane:There will be a show about that. We'll see you next week. Bye, bye, thank you.