Can traditional gender roles be the hidden root of toxic relationships?" On this thought-provoking episode of the Toxic Cooking Show, Lindsay McLean and Christopher Patchett, LCSW, wrap up their deep dive into toxic archetypes by shedding light on the often-overlooked concept of "bang maids." These women juggle domestic chores and sexual services without receiving any form of reciprocity. We begin by revisiting our discussions on Pick Me's, N-logs, and Tradwives, underscoring how societal expectations can conceal these harmful dynamics. Through cultural references and recent events, we illustrate how outdated conservative viewpoints subtly infiltrate modern society.
Lastly, we tackle the critical issue of addressing consent and gender roles within relationships. We urge men to reflect on and correct their behaviors and expectations, while encouraging women to assert their needs and boundaries. By fostering supportive family environments and advocating for open conversations about compatibility and respect, we aim to help our listeners build healthier, more equitable partnerships. Tune in for an eye-opening and essential discussion on overcoming toxic dynamics and cultivating relationships rooted in mutual understanding.
Can traditional gender roles be the hidden root of toxic relationships?" On this thought-provoking episode of the Toxic Cooking Show, Lindsay McLean and Christopher Patchett, LCSW, wrap up their deep dive into toxic archetypes by shedding light on the often-overlooked concept of "bang maids." These women juggle domestic chores and sexual services without receiving any form of reciprocity. We begin by revisiting our discussions on Pick Me's, N-logs, and Tradwives, underscoring how societal expectations can conceal these harmful dynamics. Through cultural references and recent events, we illustrate how outdated conservative viewpoints subtly infiltrate modern society.
Lastly, we tackle the critical issue of addressing consent and gender roles within relationships. We urge men to reflect on and correct their behaviors and expectations, while encouraging women to assert their needs and boundaries. By fostering supportive family environments and advocating for open conversations about compatibility and respect, we aim to help our listeners build healthier, more equitable partnerships. Tune in for an eye-opening and essential discussion on overcoming toxic dynamics and cultivating relationships rooted in mutual understanding.
Hello and welcome to the Toxic Cooking Show, where we break down toxic people into their simplest ingredients. I'm your host for this week, Lindsay McLean, and with me, as always, my fantastic co-host.
Speaker 2:Christopher Patchett, LCSW.
Speaker 1:So today is the end of our three-part semi-series-esque thing that I have done. So we looked at Pikmis and N-logs, then we looked at tradwives and now we are looking at bangmaids. To give you kind of a little recap, you have inlogs and pygmies. That's not a diagram. The circle of pygmies is within the circle of inlogs. Inlogs is not like other girls.
Speaker 1:If you missed that episode, go back and listen to it. It's good for you. To be a pygmy means that you are not like other girls, but not like other girls. If you missed that episode, go back and listen to it. It's good for you To be a pick me means that you are not like other girls, but not like other girls is not necessarily a toxic thing. So we left that one. Then, between pick me's and trad wives, you do have some overlap there. That's its own little Venn diagram, because trad wives are the traditional wives. It's what the alt-right really likes. These are the women who are stay-at-home moms, but also with a hefty dash of Christian white nationalism, and by hefty dash I mean the whole picture got poured on top. There's a lot of that. It's not just stay-at-home moms. There's a lot of that. It's not just stay-at-home moms.
Speaker 2:So, just above, a dash of Christian white nationalists.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, when you're trying to like pour a little bit, like when you're cooking, and you're trying to get like a little bit of something out and you're like not paying attention, it won't come, you're like God fucking damn it, and you like slap the bottle, it's like on everything. That's what happened here. And then today we have our topic, which is bang maids, and bang maids, I would say, has a lot of overlap with trad wives in kind of a weird way. So I guess it also makes its own Venn diagram the two of them, as most of my episodes do, because I think this is the best way. We're going to start out with a definition from Urban Dictionary, and this one dates all the way back to 2007.
Speaker 2:Damn.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:When did the other two definitions come out?
Speaker 1:I don't remember.
Speaker 2:Hold on I think the other two were later, weren't they? I think they were't remember. Hold on. I think the other two were like later, weren't they?
Speaker 1:I think they were. I want to say Pick Me was like 2015. Does that sound right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was going to say that oh 2020 is what the current definition for Pick Me at showing up is from 2020. And all of the ones that I'm seeing are around that. I think it has existed for a little bit longer than that, but there's yeah, 2020, though-ish. And then Tradwife looks like that one's showing up as early as 2016. That one's certainly a much newer one, because Tradwives, remember, heavily depend on social media.
Speaker 1:Part of the whole trad wifery that you do is you're not just like the woman who stays home and cooks and cleans and cares for her husband and pops out 16 children while wearing a cute little prairie dress and making bread by hand. It's that she's posting about it on social media to tell you that you, too, can live this life, even though it's all a lie. The reason why she can live that life is because she's posting about it on social media, to tell you that you, too, can live this life, even though it's all a lie. The reason why she can live that life is because she's got Instagram sponsors, but you don't. Well, one day, one day, we'll be cool and have sponsors like the Tradwives.
Speaker 2:Hopefully not the same sponsor. Oh God, no.
Speaker 1:But for Bang Maids again, 2007,. It's been there for a while. So a bang maid is, quote, a woman who cooks and clean up. I copied this directly. It has terrible grammar Woman who cooks and clean up and somebody that will do everything you say and you get to bang her too. So the example that they give which I would also like to read for you, because this is like classic urban dictionary, charlie, and I'll tell you what else you're not going to find the bang made Cause there's no such thing, frank, I already did your mom Goodbye Does not actually use bang made properly in a sentence. But okay, urban dictionary, I'll, I'll give you a pass for that one.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm picturing, like you know, Urban Dictionary being right up there with, like Oxford Dictionary Definition and example For our podcast it is.
Speaker 1:Usually they have like good examples. I just found this one because it was the first one that showed up and I was like this is a horrific example, because it doesn't tell you what the word is, it doesn't use the word in the sentence so I can understand it. Also, I already did your mom Goodbye. I'm going to end every exchange we have with goodbye from now on. So where this all fits in with the other two is that, like we were saying a little bit before, trad wives are the really special ones. They're aiming to appeal to women and men in different ways. So to women, they're appealing to their perceived want to have a family, to have kids, have a little cute house and be a little prairie flower girl of your girl boss babe dreams, while to men, these women, these trad wives, are coming at it more from a pick me angle. So remember, the difference between not like other girls and pick me's is that pick me's are doing it for male validation. But with all of this, what men are seeing is a bang maid. They are seeing in the trad wives and they're probably seeing a little bit in the pick me's too, to be honest is a woman who she's going to cook. She's going to clean. She's going to take care of him and the kids. She's going to run the house, everything is done. She's never going to speak back to you because she's a maid. Right. The maid doesn't stand up and is like I'm not going to take this anymore. And the kicker is you get to bang her. This is the supposed best part of all of this, so I think it could be easy to kind of write this off as like a little subset of the population that's looking for this.
Speaker 1:It is interesting that this specific term doesn't seem to be used that often, despite the fact it's been around for a while.
Speaker 1:When I went on our favorite Twitter to do more research on this favorite Twitter, to do more research on this, the term isn't being used, and so I think it'd be easy to think if you just tried to Google bang maids, you're not going to come up with nearly as much stuff as when you Google trad wives or pick me's or some of the other topics that we've done, because this one people just they're like yeah, that's a woman, oh, no, it's not.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, people, they're just not using the term, even though there is this expectation Women aren't going to call themselves this this is not something you label yourself as Like you don't want to be a bang maid, and men also may not be willing to fully admit that this is what they're looking for. There are, of course, some that will come out and say this you know, the tater tots of the world will probably just be like yeah, that's what I want. But I think there are going to be a lot more men who just may kind of assume and be like well, yeah, of course the woman stays home and cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids in the house and doesn't say no to sex in the evening when I want it. I think it can come across as being coded a little differently, sometimes, like the I want a traditional woman, okay, okay, I like Asian women, because I could see your face and you were like no, no, no.
Speaker 2:So so the reason why why I was giving that face is because there there is actually a Seinfeld episode of where Jerry is having sex with his mate. So I mean, that quite literally banged me. So so that's what I, when you were saying about this, that was the thing that was coming to my mind. Okay, the quite literal like that a guy is paying her to come over to cook, clean and do all these things and then getting a little extra for, to put it loosely, a little extra bang for his buck.
Speaker 1:That's a good one.
Speaker 2:So I wasn't thinking of the term in the sense that this is what a guy is looking for in a woman.
Speaker 1:Like in the sense that this is what a guy is looking for in a woman. Yeah, and I think there's again. If you Google this, you're going to very quickly, like within the first Google page. It's like I'm pretty sure that's porn and I'm pretty sure it's going to be like a woman dressed up as a maid. Not even for science was I clicking on that. Some things I will not do for this podcast.
Speaker 2:There have been a couple of moments I've done that too. I'm like, yeah, no, I just I don't want this on my computer period.
Speaker 1:Nope, nope, nope, nope. I don't need to find out that I can just stay right in there and we'll keep looking elsewhere.
Speaker 2:I'll get to cliff notes on this, yeah.
Speaker 1:So yeah it's. You don't necessarily see it with those guys. I want a traditional woman. I want a traditional wife. Doesn't instantly scream this is what cooks meals, she does the cleaning, she has your children and takes care of the children and does all of the childy things and then, because she's your wife, you get to sleep with her at the end of the day and see to the. I like Asian women, because Asian women are submissive. Asian women will like take care of you. You want a bang made. That's what you're looking for. But you either don't know that word, thank God, or you know it and you know just enough to know that it's wrong to say it.
Speaker 1:So those ones they're a little harder to spot than like the tater tots who are just like, yeah, this is what I want, but this, this traditional christian conservative like, still appears a lot. This actually just happened, maybe like a week ago from when we were recording this. I don't know if you've seen this. It was the kansas city chiefs, kicker harrison butker, at benedictine college, which, if you guys have not heard about this, it's a private catholic liberal arts school in kansas, and this nfl player got up there to do the commencement speech and he started talking about like yeah, you know there are a lot of women here and I'm sure you're excited to like go have a job and get promoted, but I think most of you are actually most excited about getting married and having kids.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, yeah, that was just the moment that you even mentioned his name. I could feel like my whole body just being like oh God, fuck yeah.
Speaker 1:Yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, currently, as we speak, everyone is semi distancing themselves from him, like the NFL has said. Like that, those were personal viewpoints, viewpoints One of the religious groups that, like, helps fund Benedictine college, apparently, was like no, we don't agree with that.
Speaker 2:But you know. So, just kind of like slightly off, I guess he made basically the same exact speech a year ago at a different college.
Speaker 1:Did he really? Yeah, no, I missed that. No one is talking about that I.
Speaker 2:I just saw one time there was a video of him from like a year ago and it's like, so I'm guessing that last year's video didn't strike anybody's nerve to the point where they're like making it viral I know he quoted taylor swift in this one, which feels really out of place like I'll. I don't think taylor agrees with this but I'm guessing that she just um, uh, shakes it off, shakes it off, shake, shake. You could leave now. Okay, last bad, last bad dad joke of the day.
Speaker 1:That was good. You're on a roll today. So it is true, though, that the majority of us probably grew up in homes where, to a certain extent, this may have been kind of normal, and I want to clarify that it's like you would have seen your mom cooking and cleaning and taking care of you as the children, and certainly, if you were female, you grew up to be more focused on these areas, so you're actually a prime target for me to ask this, because you have a sister Did your mom teach you to cook?
Speaker 2:So my mom actually mom, I absolutely love you. You're the greatest mom on the face of the planet, but my mom is not exactly, uh, martha Stewart, so it was you mean, she's not a criminal.
Speaker 2:She. So in my, my family it was actually my dad who did all the cooking. So I kind of grew up in, I guess, untraditional house and then it was funny because, like I remember in seventh grade somebody saying about like you know, I was saying something about like how my dad made something, something and somebody was like your dad cooks, and as a seventh grader I felt kind of embarrassed. But you know, yeah, and I know, like most homes like it is definitely the woman that cooks, if you know, another seventh grader is being like that's fucking weird.
Speaker 1:Right, and so how did it work for like cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, all that? I mean, I have a sister and at least in our household it was my. It is my dad who is anal about cleaning, whereas my mom is definitely team like stacks of shit. She knows what's in them, she knows she's's got it organized, but it's just like piles. So my dad was the one who was always like we're going to mop the floors, we're going to vacuum, we're going to dust, we're going to clean the windows, we're going to like neat freak. So he was more in charge of that. But at least for you, I mean, was that who taught you about cleaning?
Speaker 2:So actually that was my dad. My dad did laundry, so, yeah, so in in in our house, a lot of things like actually now, thinking back to it, like you know, like at first my mom was making more money than my dad. Unfortunately, that kind of that went downhill. Um, when, uh, carl icon took over twa and then my dad was you know, uh, so it became more traditional, like like in that sense. But otherwise, like you know, like my mom, she left before my dad and got home after my dad, so my dad did most of the cleaning and things like that. I'm proud of you for growing up in a non-traditional household.
Speaker 1:That's probably why I'm a non-traditional guy, yeah, I mean, but that's true though is that you saw these things happen, where you got used to seeing your dad cook and clean and do all of this, so I'm sure that, in a way, that probably made it easier for you to just maybe help do that, versus somebody who grew up not seeing that, where you're just like, yeah, this is what happens. I'm going to take a quick moment to hate on italy here, because they're notorious for this. Every other than the gay ones, every straight italian man who I have either known personally or have known through somebody else, has been incapable of taking care of themselves, and these were all adult men, and I'm sure that there are some normal ones there, but very few and far between To the point that it's just like I knew somebody who was dating an Italian guy living in Italy and he would pack up his dirty laundry and bring it home on the weekends for his mom. Oh my.
Speaker 2:God.
Speaker 1:And fold for him and put back in his suitcase and so, yeah, if you grow up in that type of environment, that type of culture, that becomes your normal. We're just like yeah, my mom did this for me and she's still willing to do it for me. Therefore, this is what I expect of you, because all the women in my life have taken care of me, so you're going to take care of me, like you. My girlfriend, right? This was not somebody I dated, by the way, thank God. I realize I should clarify that. So it's without realizing. I think a lot of women like get really close to this bang made idea, especially when faced with something like weaponized incompetence, which we will do an episode on you know the whole. Like, oh, I don't know how to do that. You know, me, me, me. It's too hard. How am I supposed to keep track of the kids Doctor's appointments? How do I know where the groceries go?
Speaker 1:You know all of that. That just kind of feeds into this idea of, like you know, yeah, it's, it's your job, the woman's job, but I'm also gonna bang you tonight because you're my girlfriend, wife, whatever, and like I expect that that I I have access to this right. Oh, god you.
Speaker 1:You've seen the video. We've talked about this before. I'm pretty sure of the guy and he's like standing there sadly, like wiping a plate, and he's like, oh, when you like work really hard and you cook dinner and she still won't sleep with you you've seen I have sent you this video at least twice. I'll send it to you on the find and send it to you again after this, but there are a lot of people they're're talking about.
Speaker 1:It's like you know. It's just because you're with somebody doesn't automatically mean you get to sleep with them. And just because you have done one task one time does not mean you now get a treat.
Speaker 2:It doesn't.
Speaker 1:I mean, I personally reward myself with treats at least 16 times a day. So then you might be asking yourself how does one end up as a bang maid If we've established it's bad? And, like you know, we can kind of see the difference here of like, well, you know, just a woman who stays home and cooks and cleans, like that doesn't mean she's a bang maid like you. You have to have that, like the expectations of sex as well, so it can start accidentally if you date somebody who, italy, is from that culture, who is expecting that, that they're just like yeah, of course you, the woman, will take care of all of my needs. And I think this is where it also goes back to when you grow up in a traditional household where you saw your mom taking care of the family household and your dad going out and working. It's just like, yeah, of course, that's how it works, and so you may start doing the same thing. It's like, yeah, I'll cook.
Speaker 1:I know certainly for me it was very easy at one point when I was living with my ex, that I suddenly found myself. I was like I'm cooking every meal. You and I are both working full time from home. Why am I cooking all the time, and as soon as it brought up, then there was this like pushback right there. There's like, well, but, but, but, you're good at cooking, sir, you've lived on your own before. Like you do know how to cook. It's like, no, no, no, that that was not a bang made situation, but that's. That's the type of thing that could lead to one. Accidentally, you start dating somebody who already has these expectations and then you look at yourself two years later and you're like oh no, one of the ways that you'll find references to bang maids online are people being on Reddit being like I think I'm a bang maid, am I? I've just realized, like, is this what this is? I found a couple of those and that was that was kind of what had happened to them. Yeah, and the other way you can do it is you can be I use this word specifically trained.
Speaker 1:This is this is why this is heavily linked to trad wives is that this is what trad wives are doing to their kids, like their daughters, and this is what is being sort of done to trad wives is saying like you're going to stay home and do all of this and again see the whole point of like popping out a whole bunch of kids. Like where the kids come from, yeah, and of course, they're the ones who are sitting there telling their daughters, like you need to know how to do this, you need to. You know, come cook with me, come, I'm going to show you like, how to clean, how to do all of this, like how to look pretty. They're not bringing their sons into the kitchen at the same time to say I'm forcing you guys to eat my homemade cereal.
Speaker 1:Everyone's all like we're all working on this together. No, together, no, no, no. The boys are conspicuously absent from that type of thing, unless they're really little. If they're really really little, like toddlerish age, it's still cute for them to help mommy. But once they hit the age where they could actually, like, do something useful as opposed to make a giant mess, they're nowhere to be seen. But you will still see the girls In those videos.
Speaker 2:Mmm, mmm. You look excited, so I don't know If you're going to get into this. But there's another thing that I and we actually avoided saying this for like a couple shows, but this is something I am going to talk about on a future show.
Speaker 1:We try so hard man so.
Speaker 2:I think we have like a new record of like three shows without saying them.
Speaker 1:We've said it twice now, so new record of like three shows without saying.
Speaker 2:Then we've said it twice now, so, but one of the other things I I had noticed, and I think I shared this, uh, with you, because so we, we share social media and so but there was one thing that I had posted under our, our show. It was where somebody had said about for all those women that that don't think it was something along the lines of for to all those women who don't think that you should be submissive, jesus said blah, blah, blah. Yes, and I said about how, like you know, like using the word submissive and a guy was saying about, like you know well, when you, when we say the word submissive, it doesn't mean the way that you think it means. It means that a woman is submissive to a guy and and man is submissive to God, and man is submissive to God, and I was really proud of you for that conversation.
Speaker 1:If you guys want to see it, you can go on social media. I think you posted screenshots, but he was struggling to make his own point make sense.
Speaker 2:You know. So one of the things that we were kind of talking about was the idea that he was saying that women do this, women do this, and and I, I kind of came back. I was like, well, men also do need to do things in order to make that relationship a balance. And so that's when he was kind of saying like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm not saying submissive in this respect, we're using submissive in the biblical sense and that, yes, what we're trying to say is that, yes, you know, there is that equalness there and and women, he was struggling, he was struggling, he was struggling hardcore. And you know, so the funny thing was is, when I turned it on to him, I was like, oh, so what you're saying is women need to be submissive to men and men need to be submissive to women. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So, yeah, you know, when you say about like, you know, like training, like yeah, that's a, that's yeah, training's right there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean that's. That's why I picked that word, because that's what it is. You were training these kids to expect to be treated this way. You were training them to act a certain way. You were telling them from a very, very young age this is what you can expect later in life. You have to learn how to cook. So don't you want to make your husband nice meals? Don't you want to take care of your future husband, like you know? Don't? Don't you want to make him happy, like of course you do, because god says that we must do this?
Speaker 1:And again, this is not all christians, this is not all religious people. This is that very special sect of fundamental christians who are really known like for this, certainly, certainly in the US, that are going to go hardcore in this. I will say that this kind of idea of bang maids does exist in other cultures. Again, the fact that the woman is just supposed to be very submissive, she's not supposed to talk back, she takes care of you and you get to sleep with her. It's very one-sided, because where is the man in this equation?
Speaker 2:I, you know and and you know I I'm not trying to you know just on religion at all uh, me personally, I, I think that you know, religion has a lot of beautiful things to offer. But especially when it comes to men and women and here we go for the third time this is definitely going to be an episode that we talk about in the future. But, yeah, a lot of your religions will put a lot of the submissiveness to women, whereas men are this dominating. Get what you can and because you deserve it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you are deserving, you have earned a woman. This is actually very loosely related to this. So I of course like listening to podcasts about like terrorism and you'll see this sometimes in those that you have people on like far right terrorists specifically that there's this idea of like promised women that they'll say it's like, oh, if you do these terrible things except to them, you don't saw a terrible thing. It's like you know, go shoot up this place, go go take out these people, go go do whatever you. What do you have waiting for you? It's women. That that's what the prize is. Now, where do you get these women?
Speaker 1:It's a little unclear, because you're probably dead at this point, but I guess in the afterlife you get women. It's not money. The afterlife doesn't give you a car, the afterlife gives you woman. That's that's what they all want, and that's clearly the fact that multiple different kinds of groups of terrorism have user flavors of terrorism, have used this idea of like go blow up people, get blown up yourself, get woman in afterlife, like that's.
Speaker 1:And I I do want to also just make it clear here really quick that like this is not stay at home, moms, by any means. Like you can be a woman who stays at home, who cooks or cleans, who has the children, who takes care of the children, but who is not a bang maid, because you and your husband or fiance or boyfriend or whoever, have an equal and caring relationship and you guys have consensual sex and you can talk about this and everyone's needs are being met, and it is a choice for you to stay home and do this, as opposed to. This is what you are expected to do and you are submitting to your husband in doing so. Yeah, I just want to make that yeah, the.
Speaker 2:The first one that you described is um, also known as oh. What is it called? Oh yeah, healthy relationship oh, we don't talk about those here so if you want to learn more about a healthy relationship, you're going to have to go to another podcast.
Speaker 1:That I know. So we have now reached the new segment that we have created, which is where do we go from here? In your opinion, what could or should be done to alleviate the problem of bang maids? Like the concept. How do we get past that?
Speaker 2:One is going to be men who are correcting other men from because, you know, here's one of the things is, like you know, like, especially when it comes to sex it's not a secret that men talk about sex, oh, you know.
Speaker 2:And the thing is definitely, I think, that men do need to be aware that it is just saying no, being able to build that confidence, and because I'm sure there is a lot that kind of goes into, especially when you're talking about just as you were saying or as we were kind of talking about, like you know, like with traditional values and things like that.
Speaker 2:But, like you know, like with traditional values and things like that, you're also probably going to have like, a lot of family who grew, or especially in those types of households where both the the mother and father are going to be like, well, no, that's just, yeah, no, you're a woman, you're supposed to do this, and then so, yeah, they're going to turn their backs, and I think that it's going to be one of these things where it's going to come from all sides.
Speaker 2:It has to come from the aspect of that parents are going to have to be able to respect their daughters and say that, okay, well, yeah, no guy should be forcing you or making you feel horrible for not doing these things and therefore like, if you need a place to stay, please come with us, and then you know things like that. Or, yeah, this is a hard one because of the fact that, like you know, like when somebody is in these type of communities I mean they're surrounded, friends, family, you know their loved ones. So I think that I think that first, very, very, very first step is women understanding that they're, they're, allowed to have a voice and I hate using the word allowed because it sounds so horrible.
Speaker 1:Oh, please, sir, might I speak up?
Speaker 2:But we kind of talked about this last time where, when I was kind of giving you that example of buying a house, that in that situation I mean they, family, friends, everybody is completely in this mind frame that they, they need to be aware that they're for lack of better term or words allowed to have their own voice.
Speaker 1:I would agree with you actually on both points that you know. I think men need to be careful about what they're saying and maybe take a look at what your expectations are and really, really ask yourself, like, do I think that this is okay, you know, do I think that I should be able to just expect that, like, I get everything that I want? You know, every time I want sex, I get sex. Do you think that that's normal? Like it's not. I hate to break it to you, but there may be a variety of reasons why the woman that you're with does not want to sleep with you right now, and all of them are valid. And you, you know, cooking dinner that one time does not entitle you to getting anything. You, cooking dinner every night, in fact, doesn't entitle you to getting sex. Like, that's just. You guys need to have that talk as adults, and if your needs are not being met, then that's something that needs to be discussed as a couple, like how you want to deal with that, and maybe that means that the two of you aren't compatible If you have somebody who's just like I got to go 16 times a day and the other person's like, yeah, I could just never have sex ever. That's going to be a problem. You guys need to figure that out on your own. But yeah, I mean women too.
Speaker 1:It's also learning to say like you can say no, you can. You can say like I'm not going to do this, and the sooner you kind of put those expectations out there, I mean it's not the type of thing you should walk into on the first date and be like, right, I don't cook, I don't clean, Like you know, this is how we're going to do it. But it's just kind of. You know, I'm very aware now, for instance, like after this one relationship I was in, I was like hold on, why is it happening like this? I have since been much more careful and have been much more vocal about this has happened.
Speaker 1:I didn't like it, it's not fair, I'm not doing that again. I didn't like it, it's not fair, I'm not doing that again. And I think just kind of having that in the discussion and making sure we bring it up and be like all right, let's look at the cooking, for instance. If we are two able-bodied adults who are both working full time, unless one person says, man, I just fucking love cooking, maybe we could share this duty you know a little bit by a little bit because, especially being that you know most of us, I'm pretty sure our listeners are millennials. Let's be honest, you know these are people who are living on their own, like, if you're a dude who's made it this far, you do know how to cook something yeah, it's called door dash really no, I do know how to cook basic things.
Speaker 1:Yes, see and I'm not saying you need to be a gourmet chef like people have their interests and if you just really don't care that much about cooking, that's fine. But you know, ideally you would in this instance, like you would find way, even if you say I just, I hate cooking, I'm terrible at it find other ways that you can be a supportive partner, you know. And then then we've eliminated this whole like bang made situation where it, you know, the woman is now not taking care of you. This is an equal partnership or a more equal partnership. It's a healthy relationship now because we're communicating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, I think that like, especially like the. So yeah, you know, one might be better at cooking than the other. So cool, you know, that person does the cooking but the other person does the dishes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then at least something you know, because it's it's you know honestly, it has to be broken down 50 50.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you can. You know, theoretically you could say that's like look, you're, you know, working full time and I'm only working part-time. So I have more time, I'm bringing in less money, maybe I'll take on more duties. It's a couple-by-couple situation. There is no one right answer for everyone. But yeah, ideally you find a way that everyone is somehow 50-50. We've balanced it out. You have to be helping somehow, please. We've balanced it out like you have to be helping somehow, please. So where would you put this on our lovely scale of toxicity? Are bang maids a green potato? They'll make you sick but they're not going to kill you. Are they a death cap mushroom 50 50 chance of killing you, even when cooked, by the way? Or are they delicious but deadly antifreeze?
Speaker 2:I'm gonna say green potato for this reason. Okay, I think the act itself, because the the one thing that that does get me is the traditional aspect, and I think that that is going to be on the future one that I talk about. I think that that's going to be your high death cap, so actually, let me take that back. I think that I would put this on a low death cap, this part of it, because I think that this is a branch from a much more toxic stem I would actually agree with you with that.
Speaker 1:That it's. It's a part of something oh my god, look at this girl it's a part of something that can be much more toxic because, like we said with trad wives, like that's pure fucking toxicity, like that's really really bad. And bang maids are bad too. Like if you're a man and you have this idea that, like the woman is just there to take care of you, like mommy, but with sex, that's gross on every level, that we don't do that. Um, and if you're a woman who's been raised like that, obviously that's not your fault, but that's also gross.
Speaker 1:If you believe, if you were raised to believe that this is your role in life is to just submit to your husband in any way that he wants. So I was, when you were saying green potato, I was gonna counter, be like no, it's death, kept my shirt because of the sex aspect of it. That there's this really important part of like and you have to sleep with me. You can't say no, you have to sleep with me because you're submissive. Again, remember the the maid doesn't say no, she's just, like you know, cleaning away with her little maid costume in the corner, which you know I have never seen a hot maid before.
Speaker 1:but you know, in every fantasy that's what she's doing like beautiful, long, slender legs, like itty bitty mini skirt, like cleaning away whoopsies. And I think that that's a really, really toxic part of it all that expectation, and that can sometimes lead to violence Again. Certainly. At the very least, it leads to a lot of really uncomfortable feelings. And since my mom does listen, mom, if you're listening right now, you've got to end the podcast a couple minutes early. Now's your chance, click away.
Speaker 1:But from the woman's perspective, it's the most off-putting and uncomfortable thing to be in bed and your partner gets in with you and is poking you in the back with their dick like sex, and you're like I'm not interested and you are not turning me on. You you're not encouraged like, you're not doing anything to make me feel any sort of way, like I want this, and in fact you're doing the opposite and it just it leads to really uncomfortable feelings when you have somebody who is doing this and you're you're trying to be nice and be like you know I'm clearly not interacting with you and you're you're trying to be nice and be like you know I'm clearly not interacting with you and you're still just like poking me in the back and at a certain point I have to snap and be like you ain't getting none tonight. Have you not figured that out? Stop and it's. It's.
Speaker 1:It's uncomfortable for everyone and there is this always kind of fear that's like if I keep saying no, you know, are you, how are you going to take that? Is something bad going to happen? Like you know, I don't think so, but you know it is something that I have to be aware of, that you clearly really think that I should and you're clearly like, yeah, but just a little bit, like, come on, just a couple of minutes, I'm not interested. And again, see the previous point, like you doing this, like the interest just plummeted. What little there was before my mans.
Speaker 2:Stop, at least for me, like I can't see myself going into bed and just.
Speaker 1:God, I hope Lindsay's mom is. Mom, you gotta go away.
Speaker 2:But I can see myself going into bed and just being completely aroused. For me I need to have foreplay and shit like that. I just can't imagine myself climbing into bed and having like the middle, middle finger, you know, like poking, poking my partner in the back and just being like excuse me, excuse me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just like kind of like poking, like it's here and you're like I feel it, Trust me. But also, do you know this, that I'm not reacting to that? And the response has always been but I'm interested, because obviously I'll be like look, know, I'm not interested, I'm tired, like maybe I don't feel good, maybe I'm just like I don't know, sorry, I don't want sex tonight. And the response has always been but I do bully for you, like I'm sorry we don't always get what we want in life, but I'm just imagining that at a like on crack, like if you were married to somebody like that and you felt like you couldn't say no and that you were expected. That's like oh, but I have to, even though I don't want to, even though I'm not excited, even though there's been like no foreplay or like no, nothing to try and get me in a mood. They're just like sex, sex here's my dick.
Speaker 1:Sex.
Speaker 2:So if you've ever had a, delightful story like that patches would love for you to share it.
Speaker 1:Please, god, no, please, don't share that type of story with us. We will delete those emails. But if you have any other thoughts or feelings about bang maids or anything in general, you can always write to us. We we do have all the social media, some form of toxic cooking show. We've got the same logo. We managed to keep that the same. Or you can write to us on email. We are toxic at awesomelifeskillscom. That's been it for this week. We'll see you guys next time. Bye.
Speaker 2:Bye week, we'll see you guys next time bye, bye.